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Husband Swears He Planned Everything, Wife Says Mother’s Day Was A Joke

by Layla Bui
January 28, 2026
in Social Issues

Mother’s Day expectations can be complicated, especially when past disappointments linger and promises suddenly sound different than usual. When someone goes out of their way to talk up plans for weeks, it is natural to believe this time will finally be different. Sometimes, though, anticipation makes the letdown feel even heavier.

In this story, the OP thought her husband had truly listened after years of feeling overlooked. What she asked for was simple, yet she was repeatedly told that it would not be enough.

When the long-awaited weekend arrived, the celebration took an unexpected turn that left her exhausted, hurt, and questioning how her needs were being prioritized.

By the end of the weekend, emotions boiled over and led to a decision that shocked her husband. Scroll down to see how things unfolded and why the internet is split on whether her reaction went too far.

A mother expects a planned Mother’s Day weekend, but her husband’s promises unravel fast with chaos

Husband Swears He Planned Everything, Wife Says Mother’s Day Was A Joke
not actual the photo

'AITA for throwing away my husband's father's day gifts after what he did on mother's day?'

My husband and I have 2 kids (6yo boy and 8mo girl).

He told me for two weeks leading up to mothers day that he had an entire weekend planned for me.

This is NOT normal, but there's been years in the past where I did complain and feel hurt because he didn't really

do much of anything for me on Mother's Day but I always went all out for him on Father's Day and I just felt unappreciated.

So I'm thinking that he finally understood where I was coming from and was going to make it special for me this year.

I quite literally ONLY asked for a massage and he repeatedly said that he couldn't just give me a massage because it "wasn't enough".

So like idk. At this point I'm truly thinking this man went all out. Anyways, Friday rolls around and a bunch of people start showing up.

He invited a good 10-15 people over.  I think I knew 2 people. He called it the "Mother's Day bonfire".

We had a fire alright, but I was the one who chased the kids around all evening

(my 6yo, while holding the baby, and some other persons 2 kids because they weren't watching them)

and quite literally no one spoke to me. I wasn't acknowledged until the very end of the evening and

that was by my husband buddy who told me he was "stealing" my husband to go out four wheeling.

It's like 11pm at this point and everyone (except me) was drinking. I said my husband wasn't going anywhere.

I even said this to my husband. "You're drinking, you're not going anywhere".

He took that as a "oh, I need to find a DD and then I can go".

So, he asked the neighbor to drive him around and took off with everyone.

I'm extremely hurt at this point because this was my promised weekend and I got stuck with other people's kids,

wasn't spoken to at all, had a mess to clean up and now my husband is taking off. I explain how hurt I am the next morning.

He says he gets it and apologizes and says he just had too much to drink and wasn't really thinking clearly.

Okay, I get it. It's whatever. We didn't do anything Saturday because he spent half the day sleeping off a hangover.

Well, yesterday rolls around and his boss calls him at 6am and asks him to come in to work because they are short staffed and he said yes?

So I expressed hurt and said "but it's Mother's Day". And he says "I know, I'm sorry,

I just don't want to pass up the opportunity for more hours". Which, I get that too. So, whatever.

He gets home at 5pm and starts getting the kids dressed and ushered toward the door so I'm thinking we are finally going to celebrate.

We end up going on a walk (I love walking) but 5 minutes in and he's complaining and has us turn around

because of the black flies (they weren't even bad). So again, I'm disappointed.

When we get back home he lays down on the couch and says "oh your gift is in the truck".

So I go down and it's a $5 storage container for sugar/flour. I do like stuff like this but I'm so hurt at this point.

I asked him if I could at least get a massage and he says "I'm sorry babe, I'm just so tired" and falls asleep around 8pm

when he usually doesn't even go to bed until midnight/1am. I just sat there crying.

I took the 3 gifts that I already bought him for Father's Day and chucked them in the trash can.

Personalized items that cost me more than I want to admit but I don't even care anymore.

He found them in the garbage this morning and asked me what they were and

why they were in the trash covered in food and I told them they were his father's day gifts and left it at that.

He's now saying that he "tried" to make my weekend special and that he's hurt by me throwing away

his gifts to retaliate against him for it not turning out the way he wanted it to.

At first glance, the conflict looks like a holiday meltdown gone wrong. But beneath the Mother’s Day disappointment lies a deeper relationship pattern that experts have been talking about for years. According to relationship psychologists, moments like holidays don’t create problems; they simply expose the ones that already exist.

A key concept here is emotional bids, a term frequently discussed by relationship experts at Psychology Today. Emotional bids are small, often simple requests for attention, care, or connection.

In this case, the mother’s request was strikingly modest: a massage, some rest, and a sense of being prioritized. When those bids are repeatedly ignored or reframed to suit the other partner’s desires, resentment tends to build quietly until it spills over.

Research summarized by Healthline shows that feeling appreciated is not just a “nice extra” in long-term relationships. Studies link perceived appreciation to lower stress levels, better emotional regulation, and higher relationship satisfaction.

Conversely, when one partner consistently feels unseen, especially while carrying the bulk of childcare and emotional labor, feelings of burnout and emotional withdrawal become common. Importantly, these effects are amplified during culturally significant events like Mother’s Day, when expectations are already emotionally loaded.

From a broader cultural perspective, experts writing for Forbes note that holidays often magnify unequal labor dynamics in households. One partner may view a gesture as “trying,” while the other experiences it as performative or even dismissive.

In this case, the so-called celebration centered on the husband’s social life, his friends, and his comfort, leaving the mother to manage children, cleanup, and emotional fallout. That mismatch is precisely why these moments feel so painful: the intention and the impact don’t align.

Throwing away the Father’s Day gifts, while emotionally charged, can also be understood as a symbolic response.

Relationship therapists frequently explain that symbolic acts often emerge when verbal communication feels ineffective. Rather than pure retaliation, such gestures are sometimes a last attempt to be seen as a physical manifestation of emotional exhaustion.

Experts generally agree that the healthiest path forward isn’t escalation, but clarity. Open conversations about expectations, division of labor, and emotional needs are essential.

As emphasized by counselors featured on Verywell Mind, acknowledgment and accountability matter more than grand gestures. Without that foundation, even the most well-promoted “special weekend” can leave one partner feeling more alone than ever.

Here’s what people had to say to OP:

These Redditors agreed he planned the weekend for himself, not her, using Mother’s Day as an excuse

she_who_knits − It didn't turn out the way he wanted it to because he planned it for himself, not you.

Thoughtless, selfish and drunk is no way to get through life.

YomiKuzuki − He's now saying that he "tried" to make my weekend special and that he's hurt by me throwing away

his gifts to retaliate against him for it not turning out the way he wanted it to.

Except it turned out exactly as he planned, minus being called in for work, I assume. Let's go over things.

Friday rolls around and a bunch of people start showing up. He invited a good 10-15 people over. I think I knew 2 people.

He called it the "Mother's Day bonfire". We had a fire alright, but I was the one who chased the kids around all evening

(my 6yo, while holding the baby, and some other persons 2 kids because they weren't watching them) and quite literally no one spoke to me.

I wasn't acknowledged until the very end of the evening and that was by my husband buddy who told me he was "stealing"

my husband to go out four wheeling. It's like 11pm at this point and everyone (except me) was drinking.

He wanted a drinking party, and used mother's day weekend as an excuse, and you as a free babysitter.

Also, drinking, being late at night, and four wheeling do not mix well. I said my husband wasn't going anywhere.

I even said this to my husband. "You're drinking, you're not going anywhere". He took that as a "oh, I need to find a DD and then I can go".

So, he asked the neighbor to drive him around and took off with everyone.

Your husband wanted to have fun on what he was calling your weekend, and he made damn sure he got to have it.

I explain how hurt I am the next morning. He says he gets it and apologizes and says he just had too much to drink

and wasn't really thinking clearly. Okay, I get it. It's whatever. We didn't do anything Saturday because he spent half the day

sleeping off a hangover. He invited a dozen strangers to your home for a late night bonfire where they'd be drinking.

It wasn't being drunk that was the problem. I expressed hurt and said "but it's Mother's Day".

And he says "I know, I'm sorry, I just don't want to pass up the opportunity for more hours".

Which, I get that too. So, whatever. He gets home at 5pm and starts getting the kids dressed and ushered toward the door

so I'm thinking we are finally going to celebrate. We end up going on a walk (I love walking) but 5 minutes in and

he's complaining and has us turn around because of the black flies (they weren't even bad). So again, I'm disappointed.

When we get back home he lays down on the couch and says "oh your gift is in the truck".

So I go down and it's a $5 storage container for sugar/flour. After dumping a bunch of kids on you and drunk four wheeling Friday,

sleeping off his hangover on Saturday, and then working most of Sunday, he couldn't even spend an hour with you.

And then the finale to this s__tty mother's day weekend is a $5 container that he probably picked up

from a dollar store on the way home. I asked him if I could at least get a massage and he says "I'm sorry babe, I'm just so tired"

and falls asleep around 8pm when he usually doesn't even go to bed until midnight/1am.

So again, he couldn't even spend an hour with you doing something nice.

It was pretty much you taking care 3 children all weekend, along with someone else's kids on Friday.

I took the 3 gifts that I already bought him for Father's Day and chucked them in the trash can.

Personalized items that cost me more than I want to admit but I don't even care anymore.

He found them in the garbage this morning and asked me what they were and why they were in the trash covered in food and

I told them they were his father's day gifts and left it at that. Good. I'm glad you threw them away. NTA.

Stop going all out for him on father's day. If he's not putting in effort for you, why should you put in effort for him.

celticmusebooks − How did he "try" to make it special? A drunken bonfire with HIS friends?

Spending the day lazing around hungover while YOU cleaned up his mess?

Getting you a five dollar item and not even wrapping it or getting a card?

If that was his "plan" what would the day have been without a plan-- would he have set the house on fire with you inside?

[Reddit User] − He tried to make a nice Mother’s Day? He failed to make a nice Mother’s Day!

NTA I mean, nobody owes us anything but his thoughtless behaviour goes too far.

These commenters roasted the husband for dumping kids, making messes, and calling his effort insulting

lychigo − Holy s__t would I be pissed (edit: I am now pissed). Leaving other peoples kids with you?

Why did they all bring their kids - where were their parents? WHY DID HE INVITE PEOPLE YOU DIDN'T KNOW?

AND THEN YOU HAD TO CLEAN IT ALL UP? IF HE KNOWS HE CAN"T THINK CLEARLY, WHY DID HE DRINK? It is not f__king whatever.

This is full on bullshit. FULL ON. So he works. 11 hours. And then you go on a walk for 5 minutes before he starts bitching.

And he doesn't even go to get your gift, he makes YOU go get it. And no massage.

He then falls asleep at 8 meaning that you're probably the one putting your kids to bed on Mother's day.

What the ever loving shitbucket. He's HURT? HE'S HURT?

CorinneAYC − Are these posts written by men trying to wmlower the bar?

Like "okay i only got you flowers after you reminded me to, but at least i didnt ruin your weekend"

This group backed setting boundaries and confronting the husband about repeated disrespect

Scary-Cycle1508 − NTA But please, for the love of everything stop making excuses "He said he drank too much. Okay, I get it. "

"He said, I just don't want to pass on hours. I get it. Sit him down and tell him what an utter disappointment

this Mother's Day was because all he did was do things that HE wanted and that were fun for HIM.

That he left you with children to wrangle that weren't even yours, on a day that should be celebrating you

while he did things that he wanted to do.

FriendsofFripp − Do you have some place safe you go with your children?

I would start laying down some hard boundaries with your husband. Are you open to marriage counseling?

Would your husband participate with an open mind? How much longer are you going to tolerate the mistreatment?

Would you be willing to leave if the status quo continues?

These folks questioned why she stays, saying he shows no respect and won’t change

Trailsya − NTA Is he always like this? Because then stop having more kids with this guy.

Druid_High_Priest − NTA, but why are you staying with this fool? He does not respect you or love you. You deserve better.

no_desk_writer − He has checked out of this marriage. You should too.

beansonbeans4me − He didn't try, and I'm sorry to break it to you, but it doesn't get better.

These kinds of guys don't change. And if you don't believe me, feel free to find out for yourself.

These users cheered petty revenge, urging her to reclaim Father’s Day for herself

MissMurderpants − So, for Father’s Day you need to hype up that you have something special planned.

Really lay it on. Say he just needs to be home at X time, ready for anything.

Meanwhile, you are also scheduling something for you without the kids. A movie, that massage, going out to coffee with a friend.

SOMETHING AWAY FROM HOME And when that time arrives you hand the baby off and kiss hubs on the cheek

and say "cya in a few hours" and go. After all, Father’s Day should be about a father spending time with his children. NTA

MyHairs0nFire2023 − OP.  This is what you do.  Plan him a Father’s Day weekend.

Tell him to be sure & ask off for work because he won’t be available.

Then you make 2 lists: one list of an entire weekend full of activities devoted to the children that

They’ll love another entire weekend full of D&R time that you wish you’d been given for Mother’s Day.

(D&R = decompression & relaxation.  Not to be confused with DNR.)

Then on Friday afternoon when he gets home from work, have your bag packed & purse in hand.

Tell him there is no greater gift than his children so for Father’s Day you have planned an entire weekend of activities

for him to compete with the children.  Then hand him the first list.

Then say that you don’t want to be in his hair all weekend while he’s having such precious one-on-one time with the children.

So you’ve booked a full spa weekend away for yourself.  Hand him the second list.

(Make sure this is an abbreviated version; you don’t want him trying to crash your party.)

Remind him that you didn’t get your D&R time anytime over Mother’s Day weekend.

Instead, you got to babysit his friends’ kids while HE got D&R time with his friends via the party he threw that you also had to clean up after.

Then end by saying that since he got his D&R time over Mother’s Day weekend as his gift to you, it just made perfect sense

that you’d get your D&R time over Father’s Day weekend as your gift to him.  Then tell him to have fun & leave.

NOTE:  If you could get someone to come watch the kids for an hour or so on Friday afternoon, you could leave earlier

(about half an hour before he gets off work) to avoid the unnecessary stress of rush hour traffic.

And just leave him a note with the babysitter that explains all of the above & ends with an enthusiastic “Surprise!  Happy Father’s Day!

I’ll be back on Sunday!  Enjoy your weekend! ” NTA

Most readers sympathized deeply with the mother, seeing the trashed gifts as a breaking point rather than a tantrum. Others felt the real issue wasn’t Mother’s Day at all but a pattern of emotional imbalance that finally surfaced.

Was throwing away the gifts a step too far, or the only language left when words stopped working? How would you respond if appreciation kept turning into disappointment? Share your thoughts below.

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF THIS STORY?

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF THIS STORY?

OP Is Not The AH (NTA) 0/0 votes | 0%
OP Is Definitely The AH (YTA) 0/0 votes | 0%
No One Is The AH Here (NAH) 0/0 votes | 0%
Everybody Sucks Here (ESH) 0/0 votes | 0%
Need More INFO (INFO) 0/0 votes | 0%

Layla Bui

Layla Bui

Hi, I’m Layla Bui. I’m a lifestyle and culture writer for Daily Highlight. Living in Los Angeles gives me endless energy and stories to share. I believe words have the power to question the world around us. Through my writing, I explore themes of wellness, belonging, and social pressure, the quiet struggles that shape so many of our lives.

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