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Boyfriend Demands She Pretend To Be His Wife, For Reasons She Never Expected

by Layla Bui
February 1, 2026
in Social Issues

Titles can carry a lot more weight than people realize, especially when they hint at commitments that don’t actually exist. What seems like a harmless assumption to one person can feel deeply uncomfortable to another, particularly when it exposes unresolved issues in a relationship.

In this case, a woman discovered by accident that her long-term boyfriend refers to her as his wife to people at work, despite having made it clear he doesn’t want to get married. When the misunderstanding came up during a brief interaction with one of his coworkers, she corrected it without much thought.

What followed was an argument that raised bigger questions about honesty, image, and why he wanted others to believe something that wasn’t true. Now she’s wondering if correcting the record crossed a line or if the real issue lies elsewhere.

A woman corrects a coworker who assumes she’s married, triggering a fight that exposes lies

Boyfriend Demands She Pretend To Be His Wife, For Reasons She Never Expected
not the actual photo

'AITA for telling my boyfriend's co-worker that we're not married?'

I've been with Boyfriend for about 5 years. We live together.

He does not want to get married, which I'm fine with now, but it was a point of contention early on in our relationship.

Boyfriend was talking to Co-worker on zoom when I brought him some coffee.

Co-worker said something like "so this is the lovely wife I've heard so much about".

I said something like "thanks but we're not married".

He said "oh, Boyfriend always calls you his wife", and then introduced himself, I introduced myself,

then ended the conversation and left as quickly I could while still being polite

because both Boyfriend and Co-worker were giving me a weird vibe.

A little while later, Boyfriend came out of the office and asked "what was that?"

I didn't know what he meant so I asked "what was what?"

Boyfriend then said that there was absolutely no need for me to correct Co-worker

and that it's better if people think I'm his wife.

I said I'm not his wife, I'm his girlfriend, and he never told me that he told other people that I'm his wife.

This somehow becomes an argument, with my side being that Boyfriend never told me

that his co-workers think we're married, and Boyfriend's side being

that I should have figured that being called his wife indicated that Co-worker thought I was his wife

and I shouldn't have corrected him, and when I said I thought he'd just made an assumption,

Boyfriend said that wasn't the point, the point was that there was no need to correct him,

that it was rude, and that it make Boyfriend look like a d__khead.

He then said that the solution to this is that when he next has a video call with Co-worker,

he wants me to come in again, strike up a conversation, and say that I was messing with him,

and that Boyfriend is actually Husband and us not being married is an inside joke I thought Co-worker was in on.

I then said that was the dumbest f__king plan he'd ever come up with, and "no f__king way am I doing that",

and he said I was being an arsehole, that I got him into this, and now I have to bail him out. AITA? ​

Update: We talked. He's f__king a (female) co-worker.

Apparently "I can't leave my wife for you" sounds better than "I can't leave my girlfriend for you".

So now he's going to have to tell people we've divorced.

When we love someone, we want the world to know the real story, the one we live, not the one others assume. Being misrepresented can feel like a subtle erasure of your own identity and voice.

In this situation, the OP didn’t just correct a title, she asserted the truth of her relationship. Her boyfriend’s coworker assumed she was “his wife” because of how her partner described her, but the OP wasn’t comfortable with that label.

Truth-telling in relationships isn’t about rudeness, it’s about presence, ownership, and self-representation. She corrected the mistake politely and left. Her boyfriend’s irritation wasn’t about the correction itself, it was about how others perceived his life story and how that perception reflected on him.

When he asked her not to correct future assumptions, he wasn’t just thinking about etiquette, he was wishing for a narrative that didn’t match reality.

Relationship labels, such as “wife,” “husband,” “girlfriend,” or “partner”, can be more than semantics. They carry social meaning and expectations.

Labels give recognition and clarity, signaling commitment and how you want your role perceived in the world, not just to outsiders, but also to yourselves.

Many people find emotional comfort and validation in how their relationship is publicly defined, while others feel stressed when labels are used in ways that don’t reflect lived reality.

Experts also emphasize that authentic communication is foundational to relational health. According to the Gottman Institute, one of the most significant predictors of relationship satisfaction is how partners communicate honestly and authentically with one another.

Openness and truth, even in uncomfortable moments, build emotional safety, while avoidance or fabrication can erode trust over time.

This aligns with broader psychological insights about identity in relationships. Authenticity, expressing your genuine feelings, experiences, and boundaries, strengthens closeness and connection.

When partners feel truly seen and understood, they experience a deeper sense of belonging and security, even when difficult topics arise.

Viewed through this lens, the OP’s correction was a boundary of truth. She wasn’t trying to embarrass her boyfriend or his coworker.

She was asserting her own voice and ensuring her identity wasn’t overwritten by someone else’s narrative. Her boyfriend’s suggestion that she lie and craft a fake inside joke was not just silly, it would have distorted reality and prioritized comfort over honesty.

Healthy relationships are built on clear communication and mutual respect for each other’s voice, not on maintaining illusions for the sake of appearances.

Here’s the feedback from the Reddit community:

These commenters agreed he can’t claim “wife” perks while refusing marriage

Ilovegifsofjif − Nta That is so shady and it feels like there is a lot more going on.

If you're not married he doesn't get the perks and that includes calling you his wife.

cdsacken − Hell no NTA. Why is he calling you his wife and he doesn't marry you. That seems kind of stupid

itsabouthejourney − NTA. That would be the stupidest inside joke in history.

If your boyfriend, I mean husband is adamant in calling you his wife,

why doesn’t he propose lol considering your long history too!

r6e9a − He doesn’t want to get married, so you came to terms with that.

Now he’s mad that you won’t PRETEND to be married. weird dude. NTA.

This group said he embarrassed himself and made the situation weird alone

WritPositWrit − NTA Boyfriend looked like a d__khead because boyfriend was being a d__khead.

You didnt do that. If he doesn’t want to be married, he should not tell people he’s married.

If he wants people to think he’s married, he should get married (although I advise against that).

inspectorbroccolini − NTA Your boyfriend made himself look like a d__khead by being one.

A dumb one at that. His plan will make him look so much worse than he looks right now.

Right now, you could just be one of those couples who don’t want to get married

on paper for whatever reason but still call each other husband/wife.

Though I’m sure boyfriends reaction messed that up and made it weird anyway.

Tell him that it’s not okay for him talk to you like this and if he wants to tell people you’re married

he needs to buy you a ring and actually, you know, get married.

bonniebluest − NTA. He doesn't get to call you his wife

when he's the one that didn't want to get married. He's doing it to save face...

These Redditors backed OP’s right to state her real relationship status

Delicious_Lobster468 − NTA, you have every right to claim your relationship status.

You shouldn't feel ashamed or need to lie about your relationship status.

I don't know the culture you're in on why being married would be a benefit at work.

But you don't owe him a cover up.

[Reddit User] − NTA Your comment was not out of place. It also seems pretty damn bold of him to call you

his wife after refusing to marry you. Also, his plan is the dumbest f__king plan I've ever heard.

It's making my skin crawl just imagining being on the coworkers end of this weirdo scheme.

FilthyDaemon − NTA. ​ This is really weird, OP. It's not normal behavior.

Why is he so against marrying you but so FOR other people thinking

you are married to the point he wants you to lie about it?

Does he care more about his co-worker's feelings being hurt, or about you, and if so, why?

Sounds like he got himself into this misunderstanding, and he's blaming you and wanting you to fix it for him.

Is this typical behavior for him, or is this out of the norm?

This group joked bluntly: if he wants a wife, he should propose

MurderSpoon1132 − NTA. Here’s the plan: Agree to go along with the ‘inside joke’

Wait for his next video meeting Come in all giggly “Hi guys! Sorry there was some confusion last time!

BF isn’t my husband because he refuses to marry me! Isn’t that hilarious! Anyway, gotta go! ” Move out.

amylk346 − NTA- it's simple, tell him if he wants you to be called his wife then put a ring on it.

Dearhrider757 − NTA he doesn’t want to pay for a wedding then gets mad

because your not married and you tell people that you aren’t like wtf

[Reddit User] − NTA and you should find out why this is so important to your boyfriend.

I know a guy who also calls his girlfriend his wife but they are together for so long

and both know that it's only a matter of time until they marry, so they don't really care at this point.

But your boyfriend seems to give a lot about this discussion and I honestly don't know what to think of that.

This commenter argued he lied to save face over commitment issues at work

PerkyLurkey − NTA the reality is after 5 years, his co-workers will start to think he has commitment issues,

if he hasn’t proposed, because of his inaction, will negatively impact his career.

He knows this. So he lied. He lied, because it’s easier for him to lie than tell the truth,

that he does have something inside of him that he is afraid of.

He doesn’t have the strength to be honest. That’s on him.

You shouldn’t lie for him in this instance, as he isn’t being honest even with himself.

What began as a minor correction turned into a masterclass in why truth makes some people nervous. Many readers sympathized with the woman, especially after learning the real reason the “wife” narrative mattered so much. Others fixated on how quickly blame shifted once the illusion cracked.

Do you think correcting the coworker was harmless honesty, or should relationship labels be privately negotiated first? And where would you draw the line between protecting a partner and protecting yourself? Drop your hot takes below.

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF THIS STORY?

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF THIS STORY?

OP Is Not The AH (NTA) 0/0 votes | 0%
OP Is Definitely The AH (YTA) 0/0 votes | 0%
No One Is The AH Here (NAH) 0/0 votes | 0%
Everybody Sucks Here (ESH) 0/0 votes | 0%
Need More INFO (INFO) 0/0 votes | 0%

Layla Bui

Layla Bui

Hi, I’m Layla Bui. I’m a lifestyle and culture writer for Daily Highlight. Living in Los Angeles gives me endless energy and stories to share. I believe words have the power to question the world around us. Through my writing, I explore themes of wellness, belonging, and social pressure, the quiet struggles that shape so many of our lives.

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