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Kids Ignore His Warnings, Now He’s Ready To Retire And Cut Them Off

by Annie Nguyen
February 23, 2026
in Social Issues

Parents often spend decades building stability for their children, sometimes at the cost of their own happiness. But what happens when that effort feels unappreciated or taken for granted? At what point does stepping back become self-preservation instead of abandonment?

One man, worn down by a volatile marriage and a draining divorce, is contemplating a drastic life change. An offer to sell his share of a business and move into a completely different lifestyle suddenly feels like a lifeline.

The decision, however, would mean cutting off financial support for his adult children just as they struggle to figure out their next steps. Is this a selfish escape or a long overdue reset? Keep reading to decide.

A father nearing emotional burnout considers leaving everything behind after his ex-wife empties their kids’ college funds

Kids Ignore His Warnings, Now He’s Ready To Retire And Cut Them Off
not actual the photo

'WIBTA if I quit my job, sell my share in company and retire to be a ski patroler? I would essentially leave my adult kids (18 and 22) to fend...

So years and years of backstory here. Ex wife has BPD and life with her has been a continuous struggle.

We are in the middle of a divorce because while she’s lied, stolen, abused, hit, etc... she never cheated.

But she crossed that line and enough was enough. Divorce is bitter and ugly.

For financial reasons we had set kids college savings up with my wife as custodian.

I implored kids to go to the brokerage companies to remove wife as a custodian now they were adults.

The both blew me off and “yeah yeahed” me for almost a year.

Ex cleaned out every penny of the accounts, probably to buy her new house.

Instead of my kids even asking thier mom why, let alone taking legal action they both held their hands out to me and expected me to make up for it.

Then getting mad at me when I said I had far too much on my plate to add another battle with thier mom, they had to handle it.

Since there was no way to pay for school this semester, both have essentially become shut ins at home.

I’ve had it because niether shows an iota of interest in thier future.

On a lark I called my college roommate who is head ski patrol at a small resort in NM.

He said I’m hired. I talked to my partner and he’d gladly buy my half of the business.

With the 50% id have to give my ex wife I could live modest and comfortably for the rest of my life.

I could spend my summers hiking and my winters working and maybe just not spend

15 hours a day at a desk working for 3 people who just see me as a wallet.

Kids would be cut off. I wouldn’t be able to afford ANY help.

They have avenues and legal recourse with thier mom, whether they take it is up to them.

But they’d have to grow up and fast.. Would I be the a__hole if I do this?

Long-term parental conflict does not simply disappear when children turn eighteen. Research published in the Journal of Child & Adolescent Trauma highlights how high-conflict divorce environments can significantly affect children’s psychological well-being.

The study found that frequent, hostile conflict between parents is strongly associated with trauma-related symptoms in children, including anxiety, emotional dysregulation, and stress responses that mirror post-traumatic stress.

In fact, researchers observed that children exposed to persistent parental conflict showed markedly higher risks of trauma-like symptoms compared to those in lower-conflict households.

One important takeaway from the study is that it did not matter who reported the conflict, whether it was the mother, father, or child. The emotional toll remained significant across perspectives. This suggests that the atmosphere of tension itself plays a central role in shaping long-term emotional health.

Even when children reach adulthood, the psychological patterns formed in high-conflict homes can influence how they handle stress, confrontation, and independence. Struggles with motivation or avoidance of legal and financial disputes may sometimes reflect deeper emotional conditioning rather than simple irresponsibility.

At the same time, parental stress can also escalate in high-conflict family systems. A large-scale study published in Scientific Reports examined parental burnout and found strong links between chronic caregiving stress and harmful family dynamics.

The researchers identified parental burnout as a significant predictor of emotional disengagement, neglect, and increased family conflict. Burnout in this context is defined not just as fatigue, but as emotional exhaustion, a reduced sense of effectiveness as a parent, and psychological distancing from children.

The study further noted that when burnout combines with certain personality vulnerabilities, family relationships can deteriorate more rapidly. Chronic stress within the caregiving role may impair decision-making, patience, and emotional availability.

Over time, this erosion of emotional responsiveness can create a cycle in which children feel unsupported while parents feel overwhelmed and resentful.

Taken together, these findings suggest that prolonged exposure to conflict and parental burnout can leave lasting marks on family systems. Adult children emerging from high-stress households may struggle with independence and complex life decisions, while parents experiencing burnout may feel tempted to disengage entirely.

Understanding these psychological dynamics does not excuse harmful behavior, but it provides critical context for why family conflicts often persist long after childhood has technically ended.

Here’s what people had to say to OP:

These commenters warned him that leaving would permanently damage his relationship with his kids

palomaaaaaaa − NTA But you might cause irreparable damage to your relationship with your children.

Holy__Schmitz − NTA but you need to know that this will not be a repairable thing with your kids. If you dip you are done.

Really think about this decision. Your kids are adults, but they are still very young.

Do you want to help them grow and make something of themselves or do you want to cut all ties.

They are your children and you have fulfilled your legal obligation to provide for them.

Now you need to assess if you have a moral obligation to help them as they become adults. Divorce is not easy on kids, no matter the age.

They may have done dumb things, but I bet you after what happened with their mother they'd be more receptive to your advice.

These commenters backed him, saying he warned them and they’re adults now

rosechells − NTA: go for it, if you have to pay your ex wife a share of your 50% then she can use that to pay for/towards their education

littleredteacupwolf − NTA. You already provided a way to pay for school for them, you tried to warn them that their mother should be taken off, they didn’t listen.

They are adults now. It’s not your responsibility to come up with the money for college (again). Loans exist.

Tuition Management System (TMS) exists for most of the US and it’s a months payment, a semester at a time, no loans, no interests.

Granted that means working while in school, but its doable. You tried, you did your duty as a parent, it’s up to them now.

These commenters slammed him, saying he’s abandoning abused kids and dodging responsibility

DudeWheresMyRhino − YTA. You chose a s__tty abusive partner, not your kids.

They have had to put up with your bad choice for their whole life and now that your legal obligation is done you are playing a game

to make yourself not feel responsible. As a father you should fight for your children on their behalf.

If you are telling your kids to sue their mom, that should be your first clue.

You know, most people don't want to sue their own mother, even if she is an abusive liar.

Also bear in mind that years of maltreatment at the hands of an abusive BPD mom have likely

caused them to think in totally fucked-up ways. You're in the clear, legally speaking, though.

An_unkindness_of_rav − I’m gonna go against the grain and say YTA.

Your children were raised in an abusive household (Mom) with a father

who seems to have checked out of their lives and the situation a long time ago.

How can you expect them to just have grown up to be well-adjusted and responsible adults without proper role models?

Yes, some people beat the odds and become phenomenal adults, but why even put them in that position in the first place?

I understand trying to protect yourself; I also get that at least the 22-year-old should try to do better, but it comes off like

neither of you actually tried to parent them. Understand that if you do make this decision, your relationship

with your kids may effectively be over, although I don't really get the impression it matters.

PrettyAkaashi − YTA. You really don’t care about your kids. Or if you do, you’re letting your exhaustion get the best of you,

and you’re going to regret severing ties like that. People don’t forget.

They may move on, but they’re going to remember the time their dad ditched. You implored the kids once they were “adults."

Why not before? Why didn’t you take any actions or precautions prior to this point?

Even if you couldn’t anticipate the divorce happening, did you ever teach your kids about financial literacy, lawsuits, or mental disorders?

There’s not a lot of information here, so maybe you were a wonderful father and lived up to all expectations, and

the kids fucked themselves over. But given your incredible callousness, I’m inclined to believe you

didn’t properly educate them and then pulled a surprised Pikachu face when they didn’t suddenly become competent at the age of 18.

I get that it’s difficult for you. You’re an abuse victim as well, and this sounds like a s__tty situation you had to fight alone.

But of course your kids are going to struggle.

They’ve spent their entire lives in that abusive household, and you seem to be expecting way too much of them.

You don’t have to fight their battles for them. But you can stick around and support them.

Make yourself available, instead of waving it off as “it’s up to them." Help them out with the lawsuit.

Ask them about college, or try and figure out why they’re so disinterested in their future

if there are any underlying issues they need counseling or therapy for.

That said, it already sounds like you’ve made your decision.

EditRedditGeddit − YTA ​ She's your wife (and it's been difficult), but she's their mum. Imagine how you'd feel if you were parented by her.

​ They need therapy probably - even if they don't realise it. Pay for that.

​ It's natural they'll lack interest in their future if they've had a parent who mistreats the other / probably mistreats them. ​

They're adults, and you're not fully responsible for them anymore.

But you are responsible for the circumstances they were raised in, which obviously impacts their behavior as adults.

Your wife sounds like an arsehole, but at least you had a choice to be with her or not - they didn't get a choice to be parented by her.

​ Tl;dr having an arsehole wife isn't an excuse to be an arsehole dad.

SunflowerSupreme − YTA - They’re practically still kids, dude.

Their mom was clearly abusive and getting the account info would likely alert the mom to what they were doing WHICH COULD PUT THEM IN DANGER.

This commenter said ESH and urged him to legally protect his kids’ stolen funds first

RomulaFour − ESH I can certainly see why OP is bitter, but I think completely abandoning his kids like this is over the line.

He says he suffered from his wife's BPD. What effect does he think she had on his kids? At a MINIMUM, he can talk with an attorney to arrange

it so that the wife's share of the business is used to reimburse HIS kids for the money that wife stole.

He's the one that put the ex in charge of brokerage accounts so she could access them.

He could have warned the brokerage to prevent abuse of funds.

18- and 20-year-olds are nowhere near savvy enough to protect

themselves in this legal situation, and telling them to go after their mother puts them in a terrible emotional and legal position.

They lack any funds to hire an attorney to protect their interests.

They are also in the middle of a n__ty divorce between their parents. Exhibit at least a little concern for your kids

and help them manage difficult legal problems and an emotional nightmare before leaving for greener pastures.

This commenter questioned his empathy and asked if he cares at all

RealRealGood − INFO: Do you have any sympathy for your children who were raised by an abusive mother,

seem to still be living with her, and therefore, might have issues of their own preventing them from being emotionally mature?

Because it seems like you don't give a f__k about them at all, really.

This commenter advised burnout recovery and one final structured parenting effort

scurvybill − ESH. Your wife essentially stole the money, your kids sound like lazy shits, and you're so far gone you want to ditch them.

I get it though, OP. It sounds like you've been through hell and back.

You've got a job that's a pain, and this divorce comes with a lot of painful stuff.

I can't begin to identify with the feelings you're having, OP, but as a redditor I can offer unsolicited and possibly unhelpful advice:

Take a solo vacation ASAP. Get the hell out of there, ideally for a week or two. Shut off your phone and email.

It sounds like you're burned the hell out and you need to recover. Too much crap going on.

When you get back, sit down and give one more shot at being Dad.

Think up a time limit for your kids: 6 months, a year, or whatever you can stand.

That's when you're going to kick them out. They're adults. Then, sit down and discuss this with them.

Lay out the situation: they're adults, and they need to grow up.

You're their father, and you love them, but they can't stay forever.  Together you need to make

a plan and do some negotiation... maybe they'll take out student tuition loans to go to college and you'll cover living costs.

Maybe you'll pay for trade school. Maybe you'll help them find an apartment and a car.

Maybe you'll help them sue their mother for the money she stole.

This is your last act as their loving father to help them get their s__t together.

You can even drag them to counseling together. At the end of your time limit... well, sooner or later time's up.

Kick 'em out and execute Operation Ski Patrol. You can sleep at night knowing you gave it your best shot.

If your kids put in any effort, they might not be on the streets.

This commenter doubted the story and said mom should face legal consequences

[Reddit User] − I'd say the younger one, but the 22-year-old? Self inflicted wound.

I think that you can't just take your kids college fund. That's tax deferred stuff and if the mother stole it she should face repercussions.

The story isn't holding water here If there are repercussions, her 50% should go to the kids.

This commenter mocked the situation, framing it as selfish abandonment

amethystwyvern − “Hey Reddit, WIBTA if I cut off my vulnerable family and left them to be a ski patroller?" Edit: first silver thanks!

This commenter questioned if he already decided and warned about future impact

danndeacon − I find it amusing that you've come onto Reddit to discuss a life-changing decision like

this, perhaps you've already decided what you want to do? Your kids are pretty young, though;

you'd be affecting their future pretty hard if you decide to do this. How involved are you in their lives?

Also, I'm from the UK and the fact that you'd have to give your wife 50% of your shares when you cash out is abysmal.

Makes marriage almost seem like a scam lol

This story isn’t really about ski patrol. It’s about what happens when exhaustion meets unresolved family trauma. He feels used. The kids feel abandoned. The mother’s actions detonated the financial safety net. Everyone’s hurt, and no one’s handling it well.

Is walking away an act of self-preservation or quiet resignation? Should adult children shoulder the legal fight against a parent, or does fatherhood extend beyond legal obligations?

Do you think his mountain escape would be justified, or would it freeze his relationship with his kids for good? Share your hot takes below.

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF THIS STORY?

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF THIS STORY?

OP Is Not The AH (NTA) 0/0 votes | 0%
OP Is Definitely The AH (YTA) 0/0 votes | 0%
No One Is The AH Here (NAH) 0/0 votes | 0%
Everybody Sucks Here (ESH) 0/0 votes | 0%
Need More INFO (INFO) 0/0 votes | 0%

Annie Nguyen

Annie Nguyen

Hi, I'm Annie Nguyen. I'm a freelance writer and editor for Daily Highlight with experience across lifestyle, wellness, and personal growth publications. Living in San Francisco gives me endless inspiration, from cozy coffee shop corners to weekend hikes along the coast. Thanks for reading!

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