Is it a lie of omission if you simply choose not to share where you work? The original poster has spent two years balancing a post-grad degree with a waitressing gig at a local club, a job she enjoys and which pays significantly better than a standard bistro.
To keep her professional and personal lives separate, she developed a clever “French bistro” cover story whenever people asked about her employment.
She knew that as soon as the word “club” was mentioned, people would jump to conclusions she wasn’t ready to handle.
That protective wall was demolished in a single night when a member of her social circle walked through the club’s doors.
Despite her request for privacy, the news spread like wildfire, leading to accusations of dishonesty from her friends and a lecture from her family.
While her girlfriend stands by her, the rest of her world is demanding to know why she didn’t trust them with the truth.
Read on to find out if the community thinks the OP was right to guard her privacy or if her friends have a “right to know” where she spends her nights!
Waitress’s secret job at a gentlemen’s club is exposed by a friend’s boyfriend
In this situation, it seems OP is caught between balancing her job and the expectations of her friends, family, and herself.
On one hand, OP is not ashamed of her job and sees it as a well-paying position that allows her to support herself while studying.
She has clearly communicated to her girlfriend, who is supportive, that this job is temporary while she works towards her long-term career goals in her field of study. However, her friends and family’s reactions have created a conflict.
From OP’s perspective, she’s been upfront with people about her job when it’s been appropriate, but she has opted to keep it private because she knows how others might perceive the job, especially given the stigma surrounding clubs like the one she works at.
The discomfort surrounding the work stems not from shame but from the fear of being judged or misunderstood, especially given the negative associations some people have with “gentlemen’s clubs” despite the job not being s__ work.
In this context, OP is not the a__hole for keeping her job private.
She is well within her right to choose what parts of her life to disclose and how much to share with people, especially when she knows the potential judgment that could come from revealing this information.
It is understandable why she would not want to risk the judgment of others, especially given the stigma surrounding her job.
However, the issue arises with how OP handled the situation after her friend’s boyfriend learned about her job.
While OP made a personal request for him not to tell anyone, the fact that he shared this information with others led to the drama that followed.
Here, the conflict isn’t necessarily about OP’s choice to keep her job private but how her friends reacted when they found out.
OP should have been upfront with her friends and family about her job when she felt ready, but it’s clear that the situation escalated unexpectedly due to her friend’s boyfriend sharing the information.
It’s also important to acknowledge that OP’s job does not define her worth, and she is entitled to privacy, especially if revealing this information makes her uncomfortable. The real issue here is how others have reacted and whether they are respecting OP’s boundaries.
OP is allowed to protect her personal information and decide who gets to know about her professional life. However, it’s also understandable that her friends may feel hurt or confused about her not being transparent with them.
In conclusion, OP is not in the wrong for choosing to keep her job private. It is her personal decision, and while it may have caused some tension among her friends, she has the right to navigate her professional and personal life as she sees fit.
It’s important, however, to address the situation with her friends and explain why she chose to keep her job private and set clearer boundaries around what she is comfortable sharing.
Here’s what the community had to contribute:
This group argued that privacy is a fundamental right
These folks highlighted the hypocrisy of the patron judging the employee
These Redditors suggested that hiding the job creates a “shameful” vibe
This group noted that since OP’s girlfriend is supportive
The situation has clearly caused a lot of tension for OP.
On one hand, OP’s decision to keep their job private makes sense given the potential stigma and the fact that it’s not a job they’ll be doing long-term. The work environment isn’t shameful to OP, but the judgment and assumptions of others are what they wanted to avoid.
However, withholding the truth from friends who have a right to know what OP is doing, especially if it’s affecting relationships, has caused hurt feelings.
OP’s actions have led to a fallout with friends, family, and even fears about future repercussions with university connections.
The question now is whether OP should have been more transparent from the start. Do you think OP’s privacy was justified, or should they have been upfront from the beginning?
