Picture this: a Redditor’s big birthday bash is all set, with family flying in for a day of celebration, only for their best friend to drop a bombshell, scheduling a surgery on that very day!
This 38-year-old woman found herself in a pickle when her BFF of 26 years planned a non-emergency procedure on her birthday, October 16th, despite knowing about her annual family plans.
The Redditor’s frustration bubbled up, after all, who schedules a surgery on their friend’s special day, especially with months to reschedule?
The audacity sparked a Reddit firestorm, with users weighing in on loyalty, boundaries, and birthday drama. Feeling torn between friendship and family, this Redditor’s story is a rollercoaster of emotions.
Want the juicy details? Dive into the original post below!
The Story Unfolds
For OP, birthdays are sacred. Every October 16th, her family comes together for a rare reunion, traveling across states to celebrate. This year was no different, until her best friend, who’s been in her life for over two decades, announced she had booked surgery for that very day.
Now, this wasn’t an emergency. In fact, it was elective and could’ve easily been moved. OP was stunned that her friend not only chose the date but also asked OP to be her caretaker afterward on the same day OP’s family would be with her.
The friend’s excuse? Timing and convenience. But OP couldn’t shake the feeling that this wasn’t just bad planning, it was intentional.
Especially since the same friend had previously scheduled another surgery on OP’s late mother’s birthday, a day already filled with emotion. That history made OP wonder if her friend was trying, consciously or not, to shift attention toward herself.
When OP explained she couldn’t skip her birthday celebration, the friend pushed back, making OP feel guilty for choosing family over her. That’s when Reddit got involved, and the takes came in hot.
Expert Opinion
OP’s frustration is valid. According to a 2023 Psychology Today article, healthy friendships thrive when both people respect each other’s priorities. Here, OP communicated her unavailability, yet her friend doubled down.
There’s also a pattern. The surgery date falling on OP’s late mom’s birthday in the past, plus now her own, suggests a troubling dynamic.
Whether intentional or not, it comes across as attention-seeking. Friendship shouldn’t mean hijacking milestones.
Research backs OP’s instinct. A 2022 study in the Journal of Social and Personal Relationships found 68% of adults prioritize family for major life events over friends.
That doesn’t mean friendship isn’t valuable, it means milestones carry weight, and family usually comes first.
Relationship expert Dr. John Gottman has long argued, “Friendships require reciprocity, both people need to feel valued.” Here, reciprocity is broken.
OP honors her family tradition, while her friend disregards it, instead expecting OP to adjust her entire day to provide post-surgery care. That’s not reciprocity, that’s codependency.
The Deeper Issue
Some Redditors suggested the friend may feel excluded. Because she’s in recovery, alcohol-heavy birthday parties might make her feel sidelined.
Surgery scheduling could be her way of shifting the spotlight, intentionally or not. But using medical procedures to reclaim attention is unfair, and it burdens OP emotionally.
Others pointed out that asking a friend to skip a once-a-year family gathering is unrealistic. Boundaries matter, even in long friendships.
And OP isn’t refusing to support her friend at all, she simply can’t do it on that one day. Offering help afterward would have been a fair compromise.
What OP Could Do
Experts suggest OP stand firm but keep compassion on the table. A calm approach could look like this:
-
Restate boundaries clearly: “I won’t be available on my birthday, but I can help you afterward.”
-
Acknowledge her needs: Show empathy for her recovery without sacrificing personal priorities.
-
Encourage support networks: Suggest she line up other friends or family for the day-of care.
That way, OP protects her special day while keeping the friendship alive.
Let’s dive into the reactions from Reddit:
Overall, the lean is toward NTA, since most agree OP gave fair warning, but one commenter sees it as ESH because both sides pushed too hard.
With these added takes, the overall verdict still leans strongly toward NTA, with one ESH pointing out mutual immaturity.
Most commenters sided with the poster as NTA, saying they had every right to keep their birthday plans and that the friend could reschedule or find other support.
This birthday blow-up shows how even long friendships can hit speed bumps when boundaries are ignored. OP’s choice to prioritize her family isn’t selfish, it’s normal, healthy, and necessary. Her friend’s refusal to budge says more about her own struggles than about OP’s loyalty.
So, was OP right to hold her ground? Most of Reddit says yes. The bigger question is whether this friendship can survive if her bestie keeps making OP’s milestones all about herself.
What about you, would you reschedule your family tradition to play nurse for a friend’s elective surgery, or would you let them face the consequences of their own choices? Drop your hot takes below!
