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Woman Tells Her Boyfriend She Can’t Feed His Kids Right Now, He Wants To Sell His Car For Money

by Annie Nguyen
April 28, 2026
in Social Issues

Money issues often bring out the worst in people, especially when emotions are involved. This woman, who is the primary provider in her relationship, is struggling to make ends meet while her boyfriend works on bettering his financial situation.

When he told her that his kids were coming to stay again, she politely told him that she couldn’t afford to feed them at the moment, as she was already borrowing money to get by.

Instead of understanding her situation, her boyfriend blew up, claiming that it wasn’t her responsibility and that he would sell his car to make sure his kids had food.

Now, the woman wonders if she’s being unreasonable by expressing her limitations, or if her boyfriend is the one who’s in the wrong. Was she wrong for speaking up about her financial reality? Keep reading to see how this delicate situation played out.

A woman tells her boyfriend that she can’t afford to feed his kids during a financially tight month, leading to a heated argument

Woman Tells Her Boyfriend She Can’t Feed His Kids Right Now, He Wants To Sell His Car For Money
not the actual photo

'AITA for telling my BF I can't afford to feed his kids right now?'

For context my bf (36m) and my son and I (36f) live together and for the moment I am the main breadwinner.

BF pays his portion of the rent and then I pay for everything else (food, utilities, my portion of the rent, fuel, basically everything else)

and I have to budget like crazy to cover everything - I don't have a great salary either, but better than his.

He's working on bettering his situation and I support us with an open heart. No resentment and no expectations on repayment.

He has two kids from a previous relationship that visit us semi-regularly when he's off work. So on to the issue...

Last week he kind of sprung it on me that his kids were coming to stay the night.

I asked him nicely to let me know a bit sooner next time so that I could work my money situation.

I rework some things to feed all of us and everything is good (I made a b__t-load of pancakes :) ).

Yesterday he tells me they are coming again (I think the his ex is asking), and I ask if its after I get paid. He says no its not.

I say as gently as I can that its the end of the month and I can't really afford two extra mouths right now,

I'm having to borrow to make ends meet for the week as it is. He blows up.

Says he doesn't see his kids and its not my responsibility and he'll sell his car for money if he has to.

I love him and I love his kids, but the reality of the situation is that I can literally not feed them too right now.

I knows its just two kids and a few extra meals, but its the reality of our situation and one of the kids is a preteen

that eats more than I do some days and thats ok. Please bear in mind that BF has no money at all for extra anything.

AITA for saying I'm not able to accommodate his kids right now?

EDIT: Ok wow, so this kind of blew up to epic proportions. The edit might be longer than the actual post.

For the record I'm in South Africa - a couple people suggested I clarify that.

I'm desperately trying and failing to read and reply to everyone. I never intended the post to garner sympathy.

I thought I was just making a dumb post to ask internet strangers if I am missing something from the bigger picture.

Now I have awards that I have no idea what to do with and probably don't deserve.

I'm a little o__rwhelmed to say the least. I hear and appreciate all the advice, opinions, judgements and offers of assistance.

Things will get better and I think the main priority right now is for me to try and communicate more effectively.

Its absolutely correct that my BF must feel s__tty for the position he's in and I have known that all along.

However I have also learned that it doesn't make it ok for him to lash out at the person who's in his corner - me.

Some of you made me feel really seen and the positive vibes and affirmations are giving me the strength to continue like this

for a little while longer, I can almost see the light! Some of you are really angry, are you ok?

Money and relationships are deeply emotional topics. Financial stress doesn’t exist in a vacuum, it affects how partners communicate, how they perceive each other, and how secure they feel in the relationship.

When money feels tight, partners can unintentionally misinterpret each other’s words, intentions, and emotional needs, not because they don’t care, but because financial stress activates fear, insecurity, and vulnerability.

For OP, the situation isn’t simply about feeding a couple of extra mouths. It’s about the reality of her finances, the stress she’s carrying, and her limits. She’s the main breadwinner, covering rent, food, utilities, fuel, and everything else. She’s not resentful, but she does have a real budget to manage, and money anxiety isn’t just a calculation, it’s a psychological load.

Research shows that financial stress affects mood, cognition, and how people interpret their partner’s behavior, making it easier for conflicts to escalate and harder to notice supportive behaviors when under pressure.

Experts also note that money conflicts are among the most stressful disagreements couples face. In long‑term relationships, disagreements about finances aren’t just about the immediate dollars and cents, they’re tied to values, security, and individual beliefs about responsibility and partnership.

In a study tracking couples’ everyday conflicts, financial issues were among the most emotionally charged topics and could lead to arguments more intense than other common relationship stressors.

Communication plays a central role. Honest and open conversations about money can strengthen intimacy and reduce anxiety, whereas avoidance or reactive financial discussions, like hearing about unexpected visits right before the weekend, can cause misunderstandings to snowball.

Couples who share their financial histories and values, and who discuss expectations clearly, tend to report better relationship satisfaction and less chronic stress.

Boundaries around money are also crucial. Psychology professionals emphasize that establishing financial limits isn’t about control, it’s about mutual respect and emotional safety.

Clear, compassionate financial boundaries help prevent resentment, burnout, and misunderstandings. Without them, even well‑meaning actions can feel like pressure or imbalance to a partner already stretched thin.

That context helps explain why OP’s honest statement about not being able to afford hosting the kids isn’t unreasonable. She’s communicating a real constraint, not dismissing his children or lacking love for them, and financial honesty is more sustainable than keeping silent and letting resentment build.

The facts and research suggest that money disagreements are common but how partners respond, with openness, understanding, and collaboration, determines whether those disagreements become destructive or can actually strengthen the bond.

Check out how the community responded:

These commenters agree that the OP is not at fault, emphasizing that the boyfriend’s financial situation is his responsibility

MercuryJellyfish − NTA. You can't spend money you don't have.

Organic_Extension750 − NTA. What are you supposed to do ? Sell blood or your eggs to feed his kids? They're his responsibilities.

I'm guessing he doesn't pay child support either.

How do a grown man who has a job and only pays half a rent can't have money to buy his kids food when they come like one day a...

I think he is taking advantage of you. If he sells his car, will he be able to go to work ? Will the money lasts ?

Or will he spend it once to buy groceries and then into whatever he spends his god damn money on ? I'm calling freeloader here.

Jazzlike_Humor3340 − NTA, And this boyfriend is a fool if he thinks selling his car will do any good.

It's a one-time source of cash, once it is gone it is gone, and not having a car will seriously impact his ability to get or keep a job.

Which will make future visits from the kids far less likely to happen.

If you are the main breadwinner, and he really doesn't have cash to chip in, then he should, at the very least,

be planning a visit that doesn't cost money (walks to a local playground, but no eating out or activities that cost)

and also he should be planning on doing the work of cooking from scratch from inexpensive ingredients, to bring down food costs

he can easily cook at home while watching the kids, and careful meal planning around inexpensive ingredients can go a fairly long way.

As he says, it's not your responsibility to feed his kids. It's his responsibility.

So if you don't have the money to do it, he should be thinking about a practical plan to do so, not nonsense like selling a car.

And it should be him doing the work of making that plan happen (such as cooking those pancakes!) not you.

Especially if you are working and he isn't. (Given the pandemic and the way the job market is weird,

I'm more inclined to be forgiving of him not working full time for the moment, but his financial situation doesn't sound sustainable. )

This group focused on the boyfriend’s lack of effort to contribute financially or emotionally

worryaboutYOUhoe − NTA. Quick question, if he acknowledges that they’re not your responsibility, exactly why is he mad???

It just seems like he and the children’s mother want to b__ off of you/dump their kids in your lap whenever they want with no lip from you.

That’s not the kids’ fault, but it’s not your problem either. Worry about you and your baby.

Budget for you and your baby. He’s a grown man. What exactly does he budget for???

You should seriously rethink whether or not you want the rest of your life to look like this.

I don’t think your bf actually wants things to change. He seems just fine springing s__t on you like you don’t have enough to deal with by yourself.

Btw, does he ever help you with your kid or is he just piling s__t onto you with no help whatsoever, even when he doesn’t have his kids?

Edit: My question is a rhetorical one. I do know exactly why he’s mad. He’s being confronted with his own uselessness and he doesn’t like it.

SpicyMargarita143 − NTA. I would think long and hard about this set up and the impact on you and your son.

You are busting your ass to feed him and his children (and do everything else). Why isn’t he doing the same?

He could drive Uber when not working. He could budget too. It sounds like you’re the only one sacrificing right now.

If BF didn’t live with you, what would be his plan for housing and feeding his children?

These commenters also supported the OP, pointing out that the boyfriend should have a clear financial plan in place for his children and not put the burden on the OP

TheEmpressIsIn − nta. good for you, you were upfront and honest. he sounds emotionally immature based on that reaction.

He immediately tried to guilt you and blew it out of proportion.

there is no reason you all cannot ask their mom for some food money. presumably he's already paying child support.

Consistent-Leopard71 − NTA. You know your financial situation and you simply can't afford to feed them at the moment.

Is there a court ordered custody agreement in place between your bf and his ex?

Why is he unilaterally deciding to have the kids stay with the two of you when he doesn't have the means to feed them?

Your bf really needs to do something sooner rather than later about his financial situation.

His "threat" to sell his car is completely ridiculous.

If he follows through on selling his car, it will just mean that you are driving him and his kids around. Do NOT let this happen;

[Reddit User] − NTA- Those kids are his responsibility.

Maybe if you guys were married it would be a different story but he should start looking for a higher paying job

Avebury1 − You cannot spend what you do not have.

If he pushes you to have them over without helping you find the funds to be able to feed them then he should be willing to make the sacrifice

of not eating and his food can go towards his kids. You make what you can and divide it up as best as you can.

It does not matter if you have the bio mom's phone number, I guaranty that she will hear about it afterwards from her kids.

Or maybe while they are still there. It sounds like your boyfriend needs to get a second job to earn money to feed his kids.

You do not have to set yourself on fire for him and his children.

As a father it is responsibility to do whatever it takes to take care of his kids.

But he has to be smart about and not make decisions that will cut his legs out from beneath him and boomerang back on him later on.

Are there any ways that you can cut back on your budget in order to focus on needs vs wants?

If you have cable, that is a want not a need. With a roku stick you would be surprised what you can find for free.

I have an antenna for my tv and was amazed at what I could pick up locally. Pluto network has become a favorite l.

I watch movies or tv shows either on my tv or phone.

I have an Android phone vs an Iphone because they don't cost as much and there are a lot of free apps.

For example, I love classic movies and there is an app for classic movies. And you we would be surprised what you can get from the library.

This group expressed frustration with the boyfriend’s lack of maturity, responsibility, and communication

dysartes − NTA - unfortunately, there is no magic money tree, and when money is spent, it's spent.

It seems like a chunk of this issue comes from lack of notice, is the mother of the kids springing these visits on him,

or does your bf know about them ahead of time, and he's just "forgotten" to tell you?

Ekaterina702 − NTA. Sounds like you have an extra grown kid, not a bf.

A real man who understands being a dad with kids would not "threaten" to sell his car for money,

knowing he NEEDS that car to get to work to provide what little he does for them.

A real man would go out and get a 2nd job at least part time to be able to support them and your household equally,

not wait around for a higher paying job to fall in his lap. I won't even ask if he pays child support, your story gives vibes that he doesn't. Good...

[Reddit User] − He's the a__hole. His temper. His semi freeloading. His lack of communication. Please have a really good look at this relationship.

The woman’s decision to be upfront about her inability to feed her boyfriend’s kids was a necessary conversation, but it clearly wasn’t an easy one.

Was she wrong for standing firm on her financial boundaries? Or was her boyfriend in the wrong for expecting her to bear the responsibility for his children’s well-being? Do you think it’s time for her boyfriend to step up and contribute more, or should she continue to make sacrifices? Share your thoughts below!

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF THIS STORY?

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF THIS STORY?

OP Is Not The AH (NTA) 0/0 votes | 0%
OP Is Definitely The AH (YTA) 0/0 votes | 0%
No One Is The AH Here (NAH) 0/0 votes | 0%
Everybody Sucks Here (ESH) 0/0 votes | 0%
Need More INFO (INFO) 0/0 votes | 0%

Annie Nguyen

Annie Nguyen

Hi, I'm Annie Nguyen. I'm a freelance writer and editor for Daily Highlight with experience across lifestyle, wellness, and personal growth publications. Living in San Francisco gives me endless inspiration, from cozy coffee shop corners to weekend hikes along the coast. Thanks for reading!

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