He Refused to Forgive His Son After a Violent Crime, Even After Marriage and Fatherhood

People love to believe that time fixes everything.

That enough years, enough distance, maybe even a wedding and a baby can somehow soften the worst things a person has done. Families especially cling to that hope.

They want peace. They want normalcy. They want everyone back at the same table pretending the past has become manageable.

But one father admitted he simply cannot do it.

Nearly a decade after his son sexually assaulted a young woman at 19, he still wants nothing to do with him, despite pressure from relatives who think he should “move on” now that his son is married and has become a father himself.

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“Where Did I Go Wrong?”

The father described the guilt as something that never really leaves him.

He said there is not a single day he does not wonder how his son became capable of hurting someone that way. The family itself had been close-knit.

His other children grew into stable, compassionate adults. But his eldest son had always been different in ways that worried him.

Behavioral issues. Extreme selfishness. Trouble handling rejection. An inability to process criticism without taking it as a personal attack.

Still, nothing ever escalated enough for a diagnosis or intervention that changed anything long-term.

Then, at 19 years old, his son assaulted a girl.

The father later clarified in the comments that it was rape, and according to him, his son never faced legal consequences for it.

What seems to haunt him most is not just the crime itself, but the complete lack of remorse afterward.

He said his son never apologized, never showed empathy, and never appeared emotionally affected by what he had done.

That absence of accountability became a line the father could not cross.

While his wife and daughters eventually maintained contact with the son, both he and his younger son chose permanent no-contact instead.

Now, years later, the son is 28, married, and has a newborn baby boy. Some relatives believe the existence of an innocent child changes things.

They argue that continuing the estrangement punishes people who were not involved.

The father disagrees completely.

And perhaps most strikingly, he admitted he does not even respect his son’s wife.

The Weight of Unforgiveness

What makes this story so emotionally difficult is that the father is not speaking with anger anymore. He sounds exhausted. Defeated, even.

There is grief buried underneath his refusal.

Not grief for the relationship he lost with his son, but grief for the person he realized his son truly was.

Family estrangement experts often point out that cutting off a child is rarely impulsive.

According to Psychology Today, parents who sever relationships with adult children usually do so after years of internal conflict, guilt, and failed attempts to reconcile their values with harmful behavior.

The emotional cost is often enormous, even when they believe the decision is morally necessary.

That emotional conflict is obvious here.

The father clearly still loves the idea of who his son once was. But he no longer trusts or respects the person standing in front of him now.

And for many readers, the lack of remorse mattered just as much as the assault itself.

Trauma specialists frequently emphasize that accountability and empathy are central to meaningful rehabilitation after violent harm.

According to Verywell Mind, genuine remorse involves acknowledging the pain caused, accepting responsibility without defensiveness, and demonstrating behavioral change over time.

Without those elements, forgiveness becomes emotionally impossible for many victims and families alike.

That may explain why so many commenters defended the father’s decision.

To them, this was not about punishing someone forever out of spite. It was about refusing to pretend a horrific act no longer matters simply because enough years have passed.

And honestly, there was another uncomfortable truth lingering beneath the discussion. Many readers pointed out that the victim does not get to “move on” so easily either.

While the son built a marriage, started a family, and continued life largely untouched by legal consequences, the woman he assaulted may still carry emotional trauma every single day.

That imbalance weighed heavily throughout the thread.

Let’s dive into the reactions from Reddit:

The overwhelming majority of commenters supported the father, with many survivors of sexual violence personally thanking him for refusing to excuse or minimize what happened.

Several people said that family members often pressure victims and relatives into silence because confronting abuse is emotionally inconvenient.

Others focused on the son’s apparent lack of accountability.

There are some actions that permanently alter the shape of a family.

Not because people are unwilling to heal, but because healing without accountability can start feeling dangerously close to denial.

This father’s pain is complicated. He is grieving both the harm done to someone else and the loss of the son he thought he raised.

And while some relatives want reconciliation for the sake of peace, he seems unwilling to sacrifice his moral boundaries just to make everyone more comfortable.

Maybe that makes family gatherings quieter.

But maybe silence is easier to live with than pretending nothing happened.