He Thought He Was Making The Right Choice, But Is Rejecting An Asexual Person Wrong?

When it comes to relationships, compatibility is key, but how do you handle it when you feel like a fundamental need might not be met? One man recently faced this dilemma after meeting a woman on Hinge, who identified as asexual.

Their dates went well, with intimacy building over time, but things took a sharp turn when she revealed she wasn’t interested in s__. Though he respected her feelings, he knew that a s__less relationship wasn’t for him.

After gently letting her know, things ended abruptly.

At first glance, the OP’s situation seems straightforward: they went on a few dates, felt a connection, and then discovered a fundamental difference in sexual needs.

What complicates it is that this difference isn’t about casual preferences but about something as core as sexual orientation and compatibility.

Sexual compatibility is not a superficial detail, it plays a significant role in how partners experience intimacy and satisfaction in a relationship, and misalignment can naturally create tension or disappointment.

Asexuality is a valid and recognized sexual orientation in which a person experiences little or no sexual attraction to others.

Many asexuals may still form romantic partnerships and enjoy intimacy in non‑sexual ways, and the asexual spectrum encompasses a wide range of experiences, including romantic attraction that does not involve sex.

For some people this can be a smooth part of a relationship; for others, it matters deeply what role sexual activity plays in a fulfilling partnership.

What the OP did was set personal boundaries based on self‑knowledge of his own needs.

Research into relationship satisfaction consistently finds that sexual satisfaction and compatibility contribute to overall relationship happiness for many couples, especially in early stages of romantic involvement.

Studies show that perceived sexual compatibility correlates with both sexual and relationship satisfaction, and couples who feel aligned in their sexual relationship report higher overall relational fulfillment.

Communication about sexual desires and needs also matters.

Research has found that open discussion about sexual preferences tends to increase both sexual and relationship satisfaction, while a lack of clarity or misalignment can lead to frustration or unmet expectations.

In the OP’s case, while the topic didn’t come up early, the realization of differing needs was acknowledged and addressed with honesty.

That itself aligns with findings that partners who communicate honestly about their sexual boundaries, even when difficult, are better positioned to make decisions that respect both individuals’ needs.

It’s also worth recognizing that dating while identifying as asexual can present its own challenges.

Some people on the asexual spectrum report that they enjoy emotional intimacy and closeness with partners but that their disinterest in sexual activity doesn’t diminish the depth or validity of the connection.

This diversity of experience means that mismatches in expectations are not uncommon, and they are part of the relational process rather than evidence of moral failure on either side.

In reflecting on both partners’ perspectives, it can be helpful to consider what sexual compatibility represents in a relationship: it’s not just about activity itself but about whether both people feel their relational, emotional, and physical needs can be met over time.

For some, sex is a core expression of connection; for others, emotional closeness can be fulfilled without it. A healthy relationship requires understanding where partners fall on that spectrum and whether their needs can align in a sustainable way.

The OP’s decision to be honest about his sexual needs is not unreasonable or insensitive, it is an example of self‑awareness and respectful boundary setting.

In future dating, bringing up fundamental compatibility questions, including sexual orientation and needs, earlier in the process can help both parties make informed decisions more quickly.

It also fosters clearer communication, which research shows greatly contributes to both sexual and relationship satisfaction when done openly and respectfully.

Ultimately, neither person in this situation is inherently at fault. Both reacted in alignment with their needs and identities.

Recognizing when fundamental aspects of compatibility differ, and having the courage to acknowledge that, is part of building healthy, respectful relationships, even if it comes with emotional discomfort along the way.

Here’s what the community had to contribute:

These users were adamant that the OP wasn’t in the wrong for realizing they weren’t compatible.

This group was supportive of the OP’s decision but suggested that perhaps the conversation about sexual compatibility should have happened sooner.

These Redditors were a bit more critical. They highlighted that the OP had been given clear signals from the beginning about the other person’s asexuality and that they should’ve addressed it earlier.

These users took a firmer stance, suggesting that the OP should never have pursued a relationship with someone who clearly stated they were asexual in their profile.

The OP’s situation revolves around personal boundaries and desires, and it’s understandable that intimacy plays a key role in their relationship needs.

Do you think the OP made the right choice by ending things, or should they have tried harder to explore compatibility in other ways? Let us know your take in the comments below!