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A Woman Ended Her Relationship Over a Paternity Test Request – Was It the Right Call?

by Sunny Nguyen
July 21, 2025
in Social Issues

Imagine trusting someone so deeply that you’re willing to share every hidden part of yourself, only to have that trust shattered in an instant. That was the reality one woman faced when she told her boyfriend she was unexpectedly pregnant, and he responded not with support or compassion, but with a demand for proof that the baby was his.

The moment the words “I think we need a paternity test” slipped from his mouth, she felt her chest tighten as if all the shame she’d fought so hard to shed had come roaring back.

Their breakup was swift and final, but the aftermath was anything but peaceful. Friends were divided, rumors swirled, and everyone seemed to have an opinion on whether her reaction was justified or a step too far.

A Woman Ended Her Relationship Over a Paternity Test Request - Was It the Right Call?

When Trust Crumbles in a Relationship Crisis- Here’s The Original Post:

Aita For Not Letting My Bf Have Any Input On My Pregnancy After He Asked Me For A Paternity Test?

My boyfriend and I were together for 9 months. He was my 3rd boyfriend (I'm 26 F) and the only guy I have ever had s** with. Basically I grew up in a very repressive culture and family where premarital s** was big taboo especially for girls. It took me a long time to get over that. He knows all this.

We were friends for 2 years and then dated for 6 months before we had s** and I told him about all my issues. He was the first guy I trusted enough to sleep with him. We were using condoms and bc pills and I really don't know what happened.

I already felt so guilty because I felt I must have screwed up somehow. We had already discussed previously how neither of us wanted kids right now. I went to talk to him before booking an a**rtion and the first thing he said was he wants a paternity test because 2 bc methods shouldn't have failed.

I was so hurt that he could trust me so little after all the trust I put in him and that he thought I was the kind of person to cheat. Also I kind of started to believe what my mom always said that all guys think that girls who have premarital s** are just easy sluts.

So I told him since he didn't think it was his kid that meant his opinion on how to go forward was irrelevant. I broke up with him right then, even though he started saying that's not what he meant and he just wanted to be sure and then talk aboutwhat to do.

I left, blocked him on all social media, got the a**rtion and never had any contact with him again. We have a lot of mutual friends and they have taken sides. Some think even if he did imply I cheated on him, since the baby was his, he should have had some say.

The Betrayal That Changed Everything

This woman, whom Reddit would come to know as Trust Broken, had never imagined her life would veer off script so dramatically.

At 26, she was still grappling with the rigid expectations of the culture she’d been raised in, a world where intimacy before marriage was a deep taboo. When she finally trusted her boyfriend enough to share that part of herself, she believed it was safe to be vulnerable.

After two years of friendship and nine months of dating, she thought she knew him. But when she sat down to tell him about the pregnancy, a result of two forms of contraception failing, his first instinct wasn’t reassurance.

Instead, he leaned back, looked her in the eye, and asked for a paternity test.

In that instant, it felt like every moment they’d shared was tainted. She wasn’t just shocked; she was humiliated. All the old voices from her upbringing, the ones that told her she was impure, that no man would ever truly trust her, came surging up in her mind.

Her boyfriend tried to explain that he was overwhelmed, that he needed certainty. But she couldn’t hear it over the roaring in her head.

A Choice Made in Pain

Trust Broken decided she wouldn’t let his suspicion define her. She ended the relationship immediately, telling him she would handle everything on her own.

Some friends applauded her courage, calling it an act of self-respect. Others accused her of overreacting and shutting him out of a decision he had a right to be part of.

From her perspective, this wasn’t just about the test, it was about the deeper implication that she had betrayed him. She felt he had reduced her to a stereotype she’d spent her whole life fighting to escape.

Experts often say that trust is built in small moments and destroyed in a single breach. Dr. Brené Brown once observed, “Trust is built in small moments, but it can be shattered by a single breach.”

That breach, for her, was clear.

Her boyfriend, blindsided by the pregnancy and the speed of her decision, tried to reach out. But she blocked him and never looked back.

A 2023 study by the Guttmacher Institute confirmed what many already knew: even with perfect use, combined contraceptive methods can fail. But in the heat of that moment, statistics felt irrelevant. What mattered was that he hadn’t believed her.

Reddit’s serving up takes spicier than a chili cook-off

Here's what Redditors had to say:

Reddit users had mixed reactions—some understood her choice, while others felt she handled the conflict poorly:

PatriciaK62 − NTA. BC does fail, I have 2 adult boys to prove it.

Nexxisvain − YTA. Not for getting an a**rtion, and not for not taking his opinion about the a**rtion. That was always your choice to make whether you were in a relationship or not, whether you discussed it or not. Do not feel bad about that decision either.

I think you are TA for going nuclear because he asked for a paternity test though. Condoms and birth control in the real world are not as effective as the statistics typically given, this is true. However, having two forms of birth control fail IS rare, it does happen, but it's rare.

From his POV he just wanted to be sure and protect himself. I don't blame him for this at all. From the sounds of it he wasn't rude about it nor did he call you names or accuse you of anything directly. Are you allowed to be hurt about that and feel like he doesn't trust you? Sure, absolutely.

But that was something that could've been talked about further. Instead you went nuclear, attributed things to him that may not have been true due to your personal bias from your mother, and then dumped him and blocked him. That's not how you deal with conflict in a relationship.

You didn't take his POV into consideration at all, and then walked away instead of dealing with both of your feelings.

Edit: A point I want to address that I should have added, is that people don't always react well when given what they feel is 'big' or 'shocking' news.

Him initially asking for a paternity test is not the same thing as saying 'hey I think you're a cheating s**t, prove me wrong. ' This all happened in one single encounter, and according to OP he did begin to backpedal because he felt bad she was upset/hurt.

He didn't even get a chance to fully digest the information or discuss how they both felt before she just blocked him. Sure his question would have been better off as not the first thing to leave his mouth, but it wasn't horrible.

My boyfriend at the time, now husband, didn't act ideally when I first told him I was pregnant. He wasn't mean or anything, but he did act like he drank some straight stupid juice.

After I let him think for a few hours, he came back to me and we talked about things together, from that point on things were fine. I could even understand people who say ESH. But I think the way OP handled it does make them TA.

Edit 2: For people that keep saying it doesn't matter because she was going to get an a**rtion anyway, or why does he care if she's going to get an a**rtion.

The way I read what happened was: OP finds out she's pregnant, OP knows they discussed not wanting kids but decides to talk with BF before scheduling an a**rtion, OP tells BF she's pregnant, BF asks for paternity test, OP gets upset, BF tries to backpedals, OP breaks up with BF and blocks him.

So OP hadn't actually told the BF her plan was to get an a**rtion yet, all she said besides she was pregnant was 'Since you think I cheated you don't get a say in what happens next'. I think this is important because he may not have known that was her first plan, because people change their minds.

Edit 3: People have asked if I expect OP to stay in a relationship she doesn't want to be in. I want to clarify that my issue isn't with her ending the relationship. My issue was how she ended it/handled it.

Throughout the entire post she talks about her family and her trauma and how she expects her boyfriend to respect and understand these things. But when her boyfriend has his own insecurities she doesn't allow for a discussion, she just ghosts.

She didn't give him the chance to process anything or explain himself at all. When she found out she was pregnant she had time to process and decide when she wanted to tell him. He had no time besides the small discussion they had.

Also for people saying that they agreed they didn't want kids previously, this does NOT mean that the answer will always be a**rtion immediately. People change their minds all the time. The BF shouldn't be expected to just assume that was what OP was going to do without being told.

He very well could have changed his own mind, or feared she changed hers.

Reddit users were sharply divided, some sided with her ex, while others defended her choice and criticized his reaction:

UareGatorBait − YTA, you want him to understand you and your insecurities but don't want to understand him and his. You reacted like a child. As a woman you know 100% that the child is yours. No man walking this Earth has that same level of knowledge unless we get a paternity test.

Why is it so wrong for men to want to have the same level of assurance as women? It's not as if there is no history of men being deceived into taking care of children who aren't theirs by the women that they love and believe love them.

Personally, I think that he dodged a bullet and that you did him a favor. Your overreaction was ridiculous. You want to deny this man something that you have. That's completely unfair and pure b**lshit. He's better off.

saltierthangoldfish − NTA because 2 bc methods shouldn't have failed You would've been on birth control even if you cheated, just pointing out how stupid this logic is. It was your pregnancy and your body. His kid or not, the a**rtion was your choice and your choice alone.

He didn't want a kid and you didn't want a kid, so the real question is whether you're in the wrong for cutting off contact. Given your history, I'd say no. However, it sounds like your mom is getting in your head a bit.

I doubt your ex thinks of you as 'an easy s**t,' this is just an incredibly stressful situation for both of you. edit: Also, using two forms of birth control incorrectly doesn't magically make you twice as likely not to get pregnant, as everybody here seems to be implying.

Considering neither of you had s** ed and grew up in a very repressed culture, my guess is that you weren't as protected as you thought. (arguers: i’m saying they’re probably using birth control worse than is statistically average. we don’t know the intimate details here.

for all we know, she misses pills regularly and his c** always leaks out the sides, we just don’t know and we’re arguing about something that doesn’t matter to whether he’s an a**hole or not) edit 2: Male condoms have an average failure of 13%.

Hormonal birth control has an average failure of 9%. At their best odds, that’s a combined 1% failure rate. Over the course of the year you very well might still get pregnant. And it’s entirely possible they were using BOTH incorrectly ALL of the time.

But even using one incorrectly some of the time there’s risk. Everyone here assuming that two people who a) never had s** ed, b) grew up in a s**ually repressed culture, and c) have only had one s**ual partner are using their birth control PERFECTLY are delusional.

edit 3: you're all also failing to take into account her history. this is someone who took years to open up s**ually to her boyfriend and comes from a very repressed background. he knows all of this.

for him to turn around and say 'you did something so wildly out of character that you fucked another person without protection' is assholish, period. edit 4: i know how to multiply percents.

OP’s boyfriend is still the a**hole; i don’t see the point in repeating things other commenters have said when you’re not even defending the boyfriend.

While other Redditors didn’t hold back, many slammed the boyfriend’s paternity test demand as insulting and immature:

[Reddit User] − NTA... I get why you are upset.

There are new fetal paternity tests that can be done sometime after the 8th week via a blood draw on mom BUT they aren't covered by any insurance because they are completely elective, may not be viable or accurate until the end of the 1st trimester when a**rtion is generally off the table,

and cost anywhere between 1500 and 2000 dollars out of pocket. Did the dude have 2k just laying around to waste on this? Or did he expect you to pay for his request out of your own pocket?

Either way it's a d**k move to accuse your SO of infidelity with no proof when you have been in a committed relationship just because you don't want to deal with the consequences of your s**ual activity like an adult.

AngelusLorelei − **EDIT: After thinking about it and talking with some folks in the comments, I'm updating to ESH. He shouldn't have inferred she was cheating/that the child wasn't his knowing OP's background. But she should have let him know what was going on/her choice to keep or not. ** NTA.

People the comments talking about how BC pills and condoms are 98% effective. But they are only that effective if they are used PERFECTLY. And no one is perfect.

There are medicines that make the pill ineffective, condoms break, wrong sized condoms can slip off, heat can destroy pill effectiveness etc. For him to first thing demand a paternity test is really offensive. Especially as you two were friends and he knows your history.

Breaking up with someone who hurt you deeply is your choice. Only you know what is best for you. So good on you for taking care of you.

Meanwhile, Reddit weighed in with mixed feelings, some understood her anger, while others defended the boyfriend’s request as reasonable caution:

unluckyunknown − NAH I understand why you reacted the way that you did. But I also understand why he reacted the way that he did. 2 forms of BC to fail is a very low percentage. I also understand why you were so angry with him. Why couldn't he just trust you? It's a really difficult situation.

[Reddit User] − YTA nothing wrong with asking for a paternity test. I got one on all 3 of my kids. I didn't think my wife was cheating but the ONLY way to know a child it yours for a man is a paternity test. If you weren't cheating why would him asking bother you so much?

Seems simple to me get the test he has peace of mind knowing the kid is his and that's the end of it. Since you were planning on a**rtion it was really a non issue. Super Ahole for not telling him you got an a**rtion. Edit adding some stuff about wife and me.

Ok I did not ask for a paternity test before my kids were born. It was a few months after. I brought it up to my wife something like 'would you mind if I got a paternity test? I read a lot about people finding out years later that their kid isn't biologically their child.

' I also told her I wasn't accusing her of cheating but a test is the only way a man can 100% know a child is his. As far as her checking my phone to see if I'm cheating, meh if she wants to it doesn't bother me. So far as I know she hasn't but again who knows for sure.

Other Redditors were split, some thought no one was truly at fault, while others firmly backed her decision to walk away from a partner who didn’t trust her:

SinglePastryChefLife − NAH. Two birth control methods failing is a rarity, so I get why he was wondering, even if he should have been far more tactful concerning all things s** related, especially as you were his partner and had to (and still are) overcome quite a bit.

Immediately breaking up and cutting off all contact may have been an overreaction, especially if you haven’t told him know what’s happened with the baby. For all he knows you’re still pregnant and carrying his child, you should probably update him about that. But at the end of the day, you had the a**rtion.

It’s your body, and you made your choice, so there’s nothing left to discuss or for him have an opinion about.

HealingArrow − NTA you're going to get a lot of people calling you one. My boyfriend and I are the same, I lost my virginity to him and we have a couple ways to prevent pregnancy with birth control. If he even for once suspected I cheated while carrying his child, I wouldn't ever see him as trusting me ever again. People are saying 'he's right to be sceptical. ' But are they really thinking?

Cheating is the ultimate act of lying and disrespect, and his first conclusion was that's what happened. Not even just asking, he literally brought up a paternity test. He accused you of destroying your relationship, plain and simple. He didn't trust you. Which if that's his cup of tea, then alright.

Then he has to deal with the consequences, which is never seeing you again. If my boyfriend asked for a paternity test, I'm not going to believe that he is just concerned.

Him asking, means he thinks there is a decent chance you cheated, so either he wasn't thinking what he said through, or he really thinks you cheated on him. Then, I can't even possibly blame you for leaving him.

*Although* you should at least reach out and let him know the pregnancy will never be his issue again because you terminated the pregnancy. Just so he's not thinking he has a child somewhere out there. You don't have to, but it would give him closure, and hopefully you as well.

If it were me, I'd specifically add that he'll never see *his* child. Just to twist the knife. But then again, that's just me.

Are these Redditors dropping gems or just stirring the pot? You decide!

Their friend group remains split, some say she was right to protect herself, others insist she owed him more time and understanding.

So was she justified in cutting off her boyfriend over his paternity test request, or did her reaction cost them both the chance to work through an unimaginable shock together?

If someone you loved questioned your loyalty at your most vulnerable, would you walk away or stay to fight for their trust?

Sunny Nguyen

Sunny Nguyen

Sunny Nguyen writes for DailyHighlight.com, focusing on social issues and the stories that matter most to everyday people. She’s passionate about uncovering voices and experiences that often go unheard, blending empathy with insight in every article. Outside of work, Sunny can be found wandering galleries, sipping coffee while people-watching, or snapping photos of everyday life - always chasing moments that reveal the world in a new light.

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