A 17-year-old who was welcomed home as a newborn suddenly learns his parents built a massive college fund for his younger sister, yet never set aside a single dollar for him. What started as casual senior-year chatter flipped into a gut-punch question that detonated the entire household.
Raised as their chosen son, he watched affection, cute nicknames, and endless spoiling pour onto the biological daughter who arrived three years later. Hugs grew scarce, gifts felt smaller, and cruel cousin jokes about “sending him back” went unchecked. When he finally dared to ask why his future got zero planning, his parents snapped that it was none of his business.
Adopted teen discovers parents saved for biological sister’s college but not his.
At its core, this story is a heartbreaking case of perceived and possibly real parental favoritism after the arrival of a biological child – a phenomenon researchers call “post-adoption favoritism shift.”
The teen has spent years watching his younger sister showered with affection, nicknames, and now financial security he apparently doesn’t have. When he finally asked about his own college fund, his parents shut him down with “that’s none of your business.” Ouch.
From the parents’ possible perspective, they may believe they’ve treated both kids “fairly enough”: different genders, different ages, different needs. Some adoptive parents unconsciously revert to stronger bonding with biological children once the long-awaited baby arrives. It’s not always malicious. Sometimes it’s biology sneaking in where intention falls short.
But the impact on the adopted child can be devastating. A 2010 study published in the journal Infant and Child Development followed 85 families with both adopted and biological children and found that parents reported more negativity and less positivity as well as higher levels of externalizing behaviour for the adopted child compared to the non-adopted child.
Lead researchers Kirby Deater-Deckard and colleagues noted: “Parents reported more negativity and less positivity as well as higher levels of externalizing behaviour for the adopted child compared to the non-adopted child, although effect sizes were small and no longer statistically significant after correcting for multiple comparisons.”
That quote hits like a freight train when you read this teen’s cousins teasing that his parents would “send him back” if they could.
This isn’t just about one missing college fund, it’s about a lifetime of tiny paper cuts that finally drew blood. Every skipped cuddle, every “sweetheart” that never landed on him, every cousin’s cruel joke chipped away at the message “you fully belong here.” By the time the money question came up, it was the final proof that the family scoreboard had been rigged from the start.
Asking “Do you have one for me too?” took serious guts. Most kids in his shoes would have swallowed the hurt and pretended not to notice. Instead, he spoke up, and the explosion that followed only confirmed what his gut already knew.
Sometimes the bravest thing a teenager can do is force the quiet unfairness into the open, even when the adults in the room would rather slam the door on the conversation. His question was the last lifeline he threw before cutting the rope himself.
The good news? Experts agree the damage isn’t permanent if the young person finds support outside the home and builds independence early.
Neutral advice for anyone in this situation: document everything calmly, speak honestly with a school counselor about financial aid options (FAFSA, scholarships, state programs), and start creating the chosen family you deserve once you’re out on your own.
These are the responses from Reddit users:
Some people say the adoptive parents are failing in their duty and clearly favor the biological child.
Some people urge OP to plan independence, secure documents, and go no-contact at 18.
Some people offer emotional support and direct OP to helpful resources.
At the end of the day, a simple “Do you have a college fund for me too?” shouldn’t feel like dropping a bomb in the living room. This teen isn’t asking for a pony, he’s asking for basic equality in the family that chose him first.
Was he wrong to ask, or were the parents wrong to make him feel he had to? Would you go low-contact the second you turn 18, or try one last heart-to-heart? Drop your verdict below, this one’s got everyone talking!
