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Bride-To-Be Hides Her Diagnosis, Father Threatens To Reveal It Before Wedding

by Leona Pham
December 7, 2025
in Social Issues

Parents often carry truths about their children that the rest of the world never sees. Some of those truths are harmless quirks, while others sit heavier, shaping how a parent thinks about their child’s future relationships.

It becomes even more complicated when your child grows into an adult who wants to build a life with someone who has no idea what lies beneath the surface.

That is the dilemma one father is facing as his daughter moves closer to engagement. Her boyfriend is devoted, thoughtful, and completely unaware of a diagnosis that has defined much of her upbringing.

The father feels torn between respecting his daughter’s privacy and protecting a young man he has grown to care about. Scroll down to see why he is considering stepping in and the tension that decision has created.

A father debates exposing his daughter’s hidden diagnosis to her boyfriend before marriage

Bride-To-Be Hides Her Diagnosis, Father Threatens To Reveal It Before Wedding
not the actual photo

'AITA for wanting my daughter’s boyfriend/soon-to-be fiance to know her dark secret before marriage?'

I’m the dad of a 25 year old young woman who I love very much.

I’ve been able to have a good relationship with my daughter and I enjoy my time with her,

but there’s one thing about her that would give many people pause - she is a diagnosed s__iopath.

She exhibited odd, disturbing behavior at a young age,

and after a serious incident of abuse towards her younger sister, I realized she needed professional help.

Throughout her elementary years she struggled heavily, getting in lots of trouble in school for lying,

cruelty and all other types of misbehaviors.

With an enormous amount of therapy & support, her bad behavior was minimized as she grew older.

She received an ASPD diagnosis at 18, and I had suspected it for long prior.

After her aggressive behavior was tamed, her following years were much more fruitful.

She’s law-abiding; has a decent job and a good education; and has many good friendships and admirers.

Especially male admirers; she is very, very charming and adept at attracting guys and maintaining their interest.

She uses that old dating guide “The Rules” like a Bible.

She currently has a boyfriend of about a year and a half who’s crazy about her,

and who I have a very strong relationship with (we live in the same area and spend time together regularly).

He is a great guy, very kind, funny and intelligent.

But I doubt she loves him. We’ve had some very honest, in-depth discussions about her mental health

since her diagnosis, and she’s been open with me that she doesn’t feel love or empathy towards anyone, even family.

When she acted very sad and broken up over the death of one of her closest friends at the funeral,

she confessed to me privately that it was all a put-on, and that she felt “pretty neutral” about the whole thing.

She has also stated she has never once felt guilty about anything she’s ever done, and doesn’t know what guilt feels like.

While she enjoys being around her boyfriend and is s__ually attracted to him,

I highly doubt she feels much of anything towards him love-wise.

Her boyfriend (who might propose soon) has no idea about her diagnosis,

and she’s been very upfront with me that she has no plans to ever tell him, thinking it’ll scare him away.

I’ve made it clear to her that she needs to tell him the truth before they marry;

that he has the right to know and consider it; or I will; to which she always responds, “I know you wouldn’t dare.”

I actually would I really like and respect this young man, and would feel awful keeping this “secret” from him,

and letting him walk into a marriage without this piece of knowledge.

I’m not trying to sabotage my daughter’s future.

Maybe her boyfriend’s love of her personality and other aspects is enough that it won’t end the relationship.

It’s his decision to make; but he deserves all the facts.

Someday he’s bound to find out she’s a bit “off”; it can’t be kept a secret forever. AITA?

There is a profound emotional conflict that arises when a parent recognizes a truth about their child that others cannot see. In this situation, the father isn’t driven by judgment or fear, he is driven by a sense of responsibility toward both his daughter and the man who may soon become her fiancé.

He knows his daughter’s history, her diagnosis, and her self-described emotional capacity. He has watched her build a stable, outwardly healthy life while also openly admitting to him that she does not experience guilt, empathy, or love the way most people do.

These are not assumptions he is making; they are things she has told him directly.

Emotionally, the father is carrying the weight of two roles: the protector of his daughter’s privacy and the protector of her boyfriend’s right to understand the nature of the relationship he’s entering.

The daughter sees disclosure as a threat to her happiness. The father sees nondisclosure as a potential source of deep harm to someone who trusts him. His dilemma is rooted in care, not betrayal.

A fresh perspective highlights the tension between internal experience and external behavior. The daughter is charming, socially skilled, and capable of maintaining relationships.

Yet she is also living with Antisocial Personality Disorder (ASPD), a condition the American Psychiatric Association identifies as involving a persistent pattern of disregard for others, reduced empathy, and difficulty forming genuine emotional attachments.

Her outward behavior and her internal emotional life do not match and that mismatch is what her boyfriend cannot see.

Expert-reviewed information from Verywell Mind further explains that individuals with ASPD may appear engaging and attentive while struggling with long-term interpersonal stability and emotional reciprocity, which can deeply affect romantic partners if they are unaware of the condition.

Interpreting this research, the father’s concern isn’t that his daughter is incapable of love; it’s that she experiences relationships differently from how her boyfriend likely assumes.

Entering marriage under a false belief about emotional reciprocity can lead to significant distress, especially if the partner later discovers the truth in a moment of conflict or crisis.

So, transparency in intimate relationships is not cruelty; it is ethical responsibility. The daughter has a right to privacy, but a future spouse has a right to informed consent about factors that directly affect emotional partnership. The father’s conflict reflects compassion for both, not condemnation of either.

Here’s the comments of Reddit users:

This group felt the dilemma was agonizing but leaned NTA, arguing the boyfriend deserves the truth

[Reddit User] − Wow. That's the hardest AITA I've read in a long time.

You're ethically compromised either way. It's probably best you stay out of it.

Edit: I can't possibly respond to all the comments this comment is getting, sorry.

Scroll further for more in-depth discussion of the subject.

As to why this got so many updoots, I guess it's because I was the first, or one of the first, people to comment.

VeronicaTeaches − Wow. I have never read an AITA and not immediately known what was right until this post.

I feel for you. I’m going to go with NTA no matter what you do because your heart is obviously in the right place.

PopCornJolly − Goodness this is tough. Put me down for NTA because I’d really want to know that info before marrying.

That of course doesn’t mean you’re not at fault for “outting”your daughter but IMO it’s for the greater good.

decemberandjuly − Simply for any future children they may have, I say NTA. If this guy wants kids,

it’s really going to suck to find out he is coparenting with a s__iopath.

Also is ASPD genetic? If so he definitely deserves to know.

Discothecube − NTA. You should tell him, but he probably won't believe you.

He is getting into something really dangerous with someone

who doesn't react or respond in the way a normal person would. Almost anyone would want to know this.

bubbalooski − NTA - as a parent I don’t envy your position here, but her boyfriend has a right to know.

They are happy now, at least he is, but it's grossly unfair to stand by and allow him to propose

and her to get married to him if he doesn’t know the truth. Best wishes for your unfortunate predicament.

These commenters urged caution, saying it isn’t OP’s place to disclose and the daughter must decide

tj_ulian − INFO 1. Your Motivations. I'm unclear on your motivation for telling him.

Is she still a danger to him physically?

Or is it important he knows she is unable to love him like a "normal" person could (whatever that means)?

Or is it because you believe she's lying to him and deserves to know that? Or something else?

2. Her Feelings Towards Him.

She clearly has some attachment to him. From what you've laid out, I'd argue she loves him

as much as she's capable of "loving" someone

(e.g., her concern with you telling him about the diagnosis is that he'd leave her -- that seems to indicate she doesn't like that outcome).

You appear to write off this attachment has purely s__ual. Why?

zuzumotai − This is very difficult but I'm going to go with ESH. She should tell him, you're right.

He does deserve all the facts. He deserves to know. But "I'm not trying to sabotage my daughter's future."

You sort of are. She is a functioning s__iopath and is trying to be a normal person.

She feels incapable of love but has found the closest thing possible to it in this relationship.

If YOU told her boyfriend "She's a s__iopath and I doubt she can ever really feel love for you the way most people do,"

you're either going to make them both mad, or you're going to drive this boy out of your daughter's life.

And I don't think you should be the one making that move. It's a hard place to be.

Whose feelings do you want to put first? If they're both happy, why ruin a good thing?

He does deserve it, but is it really your move to make? Is her mental issue something YOU have the right to disclose?

THis is possibly a mistake she's making, but maybe she should learn

to make her mistakes herself, otherwise she'll just do this again.

ohDamnitdani − YWBTA - with good intentions.

Your daughter probably feels the most attachment and emotion she could possibly feel in this situation.

There is a huge negative stigma surrounding this disorder, and could possibly scare him off

and this could cause her to have a strong reaction - if she is as attached as you make it seem.

Which is shown with her not wanting to tell him about it in the first place, as it might scare him off.

She could not want to scare him off for wanting to actually have him around,

or just use as a boy toy but if she isn’t cheating or harming him. What’s the point?

Depending on the reason for telling him, could make you ta such as, because you think he needs to know the truth.

He probably does, but since she’s 18 and a legal adult, this is her decision and choice to make.

You could tell him but what’s to stop her from just keeping it from the next guy and from YOU on who she is dating and talking too.

Give her the support needed to start the conversation with resources

that would give him a bettering understanding on her disorder.

If you just went behind her back and told him, that would you TA and could hurt your relationship with your daughter.

If she isn’t doing anything wrong and is actively trying to work on bettering herself to have a semi-normal emotional life.

Stay out of it. It is none of your business and between her and him.

Unless, she is a serious harm to his safety and well-being, just leave it alone.

Hanisong − YTA - But I say that lightly. While I agree that he deserves to know, it isn’t your place to tell him.

My guess is she probably recognizes that there is a stigma around sociopaths

(mainly sociopathic = homicidal) and doesn’t want to be seen that way.

iglooboo − YTA completely. I say this as someone who is qualified to make these types of diagnoses

and provide appropriate treatment. She has a history of problematic behaviour

but it sounds like she is well functioning enough as an adult.

Maybe she loves in different ways to others but that doesn’t exclude her from having positive relationships.

In fact, it is this sense of safety in a relationship that will help her keep learning these skills.

I get that reddit isn’t going to like this, because it believes that ‘sociopaths’ exist in some distinct,

bad and untreatable category. But this is not true.

significantly, sociopathy isn’t even a recognised diagnosis

so I’d be very cautious of any care provider who gave your daughter this label.

Every single person with any form of history of trauma, early parental relationship difficulties

or the 40% of people who don’t have a secure attachment style will have difficulty feeling love or being loved in relationships.

Nobody runs around warning future partners of these things.

This group emphasized stigma, personal experience, and warned disclosure could deeply harm the daughte

_ohitsthebass_ − NTA. If she truly doesn’t believe she feels emotionally connected to humans on such a degree,

I wonder why she is highly objective to telling her partner the truth.

I’m 25f also have this problem (not as bad as your daughter).

I’ve been institutionalized as a teenager and I’ve done years of therapy.

I have gotten better and my partner is well aware of my struggles to be an empathetic/emotional person.

In fact, he is the only person I’ve ever met who has helped me start feeling any kind of emotion or empathy towards others.

Maybe she found that in her partner to some sort of extent.

Either way, the guy deserves to know if she hasn’t told him yet.

[Reddit User] − NTA. He has a right to know. My sister is a s__iopath. Not many people know. She’s a nightmare.

[Reddit User] − NTA, and I think the people saying ESH aren’t thinking far enough into the future.

When does the deception end?

(And yes, purposefully not telling the person you’re planning to marry about a mental health diagnosis is deception.)

Let’s picture the boyfriend posting on here five years from now.

He knows his wife isn’t as emotional as some people, but now they’ve had a kid or two.

And he has discovered that unless he’s there watching, she does none of the things you would expect a mother to do.

She doesn’t comfort their hurt toddler or the fussy baby.

She doesn’t seem to actually get upset if something bad happens to one of them.

She’s super dismissive of their needs and basically seems annoyed by their existence more often than not

(because as a parent of two little ones, babies/toddlers can be a total pain in the a**,

and if you don’t have your love for them to overshadow that, things are going to go poorly! )

Finally, she admits to you that she is a s__iopath.

She feels nothing for the kids and isn’t attached to them at all.

What’s more, she doesn’t really love YOU either - she never has, because she’s not really capable of it.

And then you find out that her whole family knew.

And they knew she was keeping it a secret from you. And they said nothing.

While some here would sympathize with the parents, ultimately you’d still probably label them as assholes.

yagirlmaddyb − Nta but I feel like your daughter probably had to put in a lot of work to get to this place in life...

and you telling him could quite possibly destroy her and send her spiraling? Just a thought.

Do you think the father’s ultimatum was reasonable, or did he step too far into his daughter’s personal life? Share your thoughts below.

Leona Pham

Leona Pham

Hi, I'm Leona. I'm a writer for Daily Highlight and have had my work published in a variety of other media outlets. I'm also a New York-based author, and am always interested in new opportunities to share my work with the world. When I'm not writing, I enjoy spending time with my family and friends. Thanks for reading!

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