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Brother-in-Law’s Girlfriend Takes “Personality” Flirting a Step Too Far at a Family Wedding

by Carolyn Mullet
December 27, 2025
in Social Issues

We all look forward to weddings as beautiful moments of unity and celebration. Sometimes, though, the blend of different personalities and viewpoints can create a little bit of friction. It is a time for joy and dancing, yet it can also be a setting where people feel a bit more protective of their partners than usual.

One Redditor recently shared a story about a wedding day that was beautiful, except for one very pushy guest who made things feel a bit uncomfortable.

The situation involves a brother-in-law’s girlfriend whose social style was a bit more aggressive than the rest of the family was used to. Things reached a breaking point near the drinks table, leading to a heated confrontation and a very stern warning.

This story touches on how we manage our boundaries when someone else’s lifestyle or behavior starts to feel a bit too close for comfort. It is a thoughtful look at standing up for your partner and ensuring everyone feels safe at a party.

The Story

Brother-in-Law’s Girlfriend Takes "Personality" Flirting a Step Too Far at a Family Wedding
Not the actual photo

AITA for telling my BIL that someone is going to punch his girlfriend one day?

Tl;dr at end. My older sister recently got married to her long-time fiance. They are polyamorous and both have a separate partner each.

I have met my sisters boyfriend a few times at holiday events and he was really nice. My brother-in-law's girlfriend (we'll call her Sally)

I've met once before at their engagement party and she seemed nice but she also seemed like the type of person who wants to be

the center of attention. She talked over everyone, insisted on helping my sister open any gifts they received and she even told people that "she's

the reason" my sister and my BIL were getting married because she's officiating the wedding. It all rubbed me the wrong way, but as

long as my sister and BIL were cool with it, who was I to say anything? Things did get a little weird towards the end

of the party, however, because Sally got pretty drunk and started very loudly proclaiming how monogamy was ruining relationships and was disgusting. That the

only reason people aren't open with their love is because they are scared, insecure, jealous, and controlling. This made most of the people left

at the party visably uncomfortable and most left soon after because she wouldn't stop (even after my BIL took her aside and told her

to calm down). I was helping my sister clean up from the party when Sally started questioning me about my stance (my boyfriend had

to work so he wasnt at the party). My sister tried to squash the discussion but Sally ignored her and asked again. I very

calmy explained that I tried polyamory once and quickly realized it wasn't for me and that I was now in a very happy monogamous

relationship but totally support non-monogamous relationships. Sally started to say something but my sister very firmly told her that she was drunk and

to go lay down. She rolled her eyes but did stomp back to the bedroom. My sister then explained how Sally was usually very

nice but did make being poly her whole personality, which had caused problems before. Flash forward a few weeks later to the wedding itself:

everything went great! It was beautiful and everyone seemed happy. During the reception my boyfriend and I were talking to my mom and Sally

approached us to say hi (shes met my mom quite a few times and my mom is the type to love everyone). My mom reintroduced

me and also introduced my boyfriend. Nothing seemed off, we all said our pleasantries and that was it. A little later, my boyfriend went

to get some drinks for us while I danced with my sister. It was taking him longer than I expected, so I went to

go looking for him. To my suprise, he was being cornered by Sally near the drink table. His back was literally to the wall

and everytime he took a step away from her, she would step closer. She was also rubbing his arm in a flirty way. I

couldn't hear what she was saying to him, but the relief on his face when he saw me told me everything I needed to

know. The only thing I did hear was her whining, "oh, come on." I walked up and grabbed my drink from his hand,

which finally made her take a few steps back. I asked what they were talking about and she very bluntly and flirtatiously replied,

"I was just telling him how much I love gingers." (My boyfriend, obviously, is a ginger). I simply told her, as calmly as

I could, to stop being a f__king cunt and there were plenty of single people at the wedding she could hit on. She

said something back but I was already pulling my boyfriend away and didn't hear nor care.. The rest of the night was uneventful

other than normal wedding fun. A few days later, my BIL texted me to say I needed to apologize to Sally because flirting

with people is part of her personality, and she didn't do anything wrong. I told him that one day she's going to come

across someone less nice than me and she's going to get her s__t rocked. My BIL thinks I'm being petty and an a__hole,

my sister and mom think I was justified and that Sally was being disrespectful. Tl;dr: Brother-in-laws girlfriend hit on my boyfriend and I

called her a cunt. BIL thinks I should apologize but I refused and told him one day she's going to get punched by

someone less nice than me. AITA?.

UPDATE 1:

Talked to my sister and BIL. We are going to get together tonight along with my boyfriend

and have a sit down conversation about this. According to my sister (who read the text exchange between BIL and

Sally about the situation), "s__t isn't adding up." BIL wanted to invite Sally so she could defend herself and I absolutely vetoed

that. I was not going to have my boyfriends harasser in the same room as him. I will update once I know more!.

Update 2:

Sorry about not posting last night, I needed some time to collect my thoughts. (Also sorry for the length. I

tried to stick to the most important details but alas, I failed a bit) So, the day after the wedding I told

my sister about what happened. She waited until they came back from their honeymoon to tell BIL. BIL texted Sally about her

side of things, and I now understand why he was so mad. Sally told him that all she did was tell my

boyfriend he was cute and I overheard (lie #1) and "went berserk" and, yes called her a c*unt, but also said a

lot of terrible poly-phobic things (lie #2). I was shocked that my BIL, who has known me for 10+ years, would honestly

think I would say something like that. Keep in mind that he's only known Sally for 6-ish months, and he admits she

has lied to him before. We got Sally on the phone to hear her side first hand. Insintly my sister clocked that

the story she wrote in text was different from what she said on the phone. I said certain things, then I didn't

say those things, then I said other things or did other things (at one point she said I pushed her but then

it became I just reached for her). The whole thing was a mess. And before the reddit police come for me saying

this was an interigation and we were putting pressure on her and she was "scared" and thats why her story kept changing,

my boyfriend and I literally didn't talk unless asked a direct question. My BIL had a baby voice the whole time and

called her 'sweetie' and 'baby'. My sister was polite but direct to all of us (which I'm not surprised because she hates

drama and just wanted to get this over with lol). Anyway, after the back and forth, Sally admitted that she did only

remember me calling her a c*nt that night, but that "if I said that, I must have said other things and she

just couldn't remember clearly." Honestly and truly, what the f__k? She also still insisted she only called my boyfriend cute, but

missy Ma'am, you just sat there for 45 mins lying. Why would I believe the words of a known lier over my

boyfriend who, to my knowledge, hasn't lied to me in the whole 3 years we've been together? Make it make sense. After

we hung up, my BIL apologized to us. He said Sally sounded so hurt in the original texts that he automatically jumped

to me underplaying the events and my boyfriend overplaying the events. He's not sure if he will break up with her. Which,

personally, I think is a little crazy, but whatever, that's his prerogative. Luckily, my sister and him don't throw parties or events

normally so even if he stays with Sally, I doubt I'll ever see her again.. Probably not the satisfying ending everyone wanted,

but its what we have.. Thank you to everyone who sent support and kind words during this bizzare time.

Reading about this situation really highlights how important it is to feel safe in social settings. It sounds like a truly overwhelming evening for the original poster and her boyfriend. It is always a bit stressful when a family member introduces a new partner who does not quite understand the existing boundaries. I feel quite empathetic toward the woman who felt she had to step in.

It is heartening to read the updates and see that the family eventually sat down to talk. Having those honest conversations can be scary, yet they are often the only way to find the truth. Seeing the siblings unite to support each other after such a messy night is a very positive outcome.

It reminds us that family loyalty often wins when people choose to be open and honest. Transitioning into the psychological reasons behind these actions can help us understand why people act out this way.

Expert Opinion

In social settings like weddings, the concept of consent and personal space is vital for a happy environment. Experts at The Gottman Institute often discuss the importance of protecting the “inner circle” of a relationship. When an outsider tries to push into that space without permission, it is natural for the partners to feel a strong need to defend their bond. This is often an instinctual response to maintain the safety of the relationship.

A related social issue is the misunderstanding of consent in casual social interactions. According to a report by Psychology Today, some individuals might use a “boisterous personality” to mask a lack of social awareness. This can lead to what psychologists call “social boundary blurring.” When one person thinks they are just being friendly, the other person might feel harassed. Research indicates that clear communication is the best tool to stop these feelings of discomfort before they grow into larger conflicts.

Dr. Elizabeth Scott, a wellness expert, suggests that setting boundaries early is a healthy way to avoid resentment. “Boundaries are not meant to push people away,” she explains. “They are meant to define how we want to be treated.” In this story, the guest’s belief that her flirting was just a “personality trait” ignored the reality that flirting requires two willing participants.

Neutral insight into the polyamorous community, often called Ethical Non-Monogamy (ENM), suggests that “ethical” is the most important word in that phrase. Respecting the monogamous boundaries of others is a core part of being a respectful member of any social group. The core message of this story is that everyone deserves to have their relationship style respected, and that respect must go both ways to keep the family peace intact.

Community Opinions

The online community had a lot of strong feelings about how this guest acted. Most people felt that being friendly should never come at the expense of someone else’s comfort.

Supporting the Idea that Consent is Essential: Readers felt that “flirting” requires both people to be interested.

2cents0fucks − "Flirting with people is part of her personality. " That's not a personality trait, that's a choice.

Flirting with non single, monogamous people who don't want it is s__ual harassment. NTA.

I am less nice than you, but my husband (who is freaking gorgeous and gets hit on a lot) is even less nice than me!

He scared off my ex-best friend so badly after she propositioned him, that she hasn't popped her head back up in twenty years.

And he did it all by using his words. It was glorious! Edited to add: Yes, flirting with anyone who does not want it is harassment.

I figured that was obvious and added the details to fit this particular case in what I would have said to Sally.

theFCCgavemeHPV − That’s not flirting, that’s predatory behavior. She needs to learn about enthusiastic consent and boundaries and learn how to take a hint. NTA

Highlighting the Importance of Mutual Respect: Some focused on how the guest should have respected the family bond.

Rosalie-83 − I’d text him; “Polyamory is part of Ethical Non Monogamy. It’s not ethical to flirt with or try to entice monogamous taken men to cheat.

She was being a disrespectful, unethical, boundary pushing, predatory home-wrecker, a compersion fraud.

And as the person that brings her into our lives you should expect better from your partners than intentionally trying to blow up your new in-laws relationships.

And that her flirting with taken men isn’t a personality trait, it’s a personality flaw” NTA

Window4Me − Your BIL needs to worry more about his wife’s feelings than about Sally. He is married to your wife, not Sally.

In this situation, Sally is the problem. Her behavior should not be tolerated. Your family should limit contact with Sally.

If your brother in law and your sister choose to be around Sally, that is fine. You, your boyfriend, and your extended family should not tolerate Sally’s drama.

Reflecting on Gender Standards: Many noticed how different the reaction would be if the genders were swapped.

PrincessBella1 − NTA. The flirting wasn't mutual. If the roles were reversed

(Sally was a man hitting on your female partner), everyone would have called him a creep. Sally owes your partner an apology.

canyonemoon − NTA and I'd silently be counting calendar days until the divorce between BIL and your sister if that's the type of person, he wants to bring everywhere.

Expressing Concern for the Relationship Dynamics: Some commenters were worried about the behavior becoming a pattern.

Boomer050882 − You are NTA. Keep your distance from Sally. She sounds unhinged!

MariaInconnu − Put it to BIL in a way he might understand: ethical nonmanogamy is about consent.

What his girlfriend was doing to your boyfriend was not flirting, it was s__ual harassment.

Medium-Fudge459 − It’s sad your sister married that d__che.

Hot-Care7556 − My friend briefly dated someone like this. She insisted that flirting and and trying to "hook up with everyone at a party" was part of her personality.

He was young and in college and tried to be open minded, but one day he kinda snapped and told her that no,

polyamory is about sharing yourself with multiple partners, not rudely harassing everyone at a social event to soothe their ego.

I remember when her other partner later tried to hit him up and kept calling him a "suppressive personality," and said friend just laughed it off.

How to Navigate a Situation Like This

Handling unwanted attention at a family event requires a soft but very firm approach. If you see your partner looking uncomfortable, it is wonderful to step in and offer them a graceful exit. You can say something like, “I think we are going to head over to the dance floor now,” which is a polite way to end a pushy conversation.

If the person continues to follow you, it is important to state your boundary clearly. You might say, “We are really enjoying our evening together as a couple, and we would prefer to talk with other people now.” Using “we” shows that you and your partner are a united front.

If the behavior keeps happening, speaking to the person who invited them is a fair next step. It allows you to address the problem without making a scene in the middle of a special event.

Conclusion

In the end, this family found a way to talk through the lies and find the truth. It shows that while a guest can cause quite a bit of trouble, a strong family bond can usually weather the storm. The original poster was brave to stand up for her partner and even braver to have a follow-up talk to clear the air.

Was the warning about getting “rocked” a bit too much, or was it a fair warning for someone ignoring consent? How would you feel if a guest was making your partner feel trapped at a party? We would love to hear your gentle advice and your stories about keeping the peace at weddings.

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF THIS STORY?

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF THIS STORY?

OP Is Not The AH (NTA) 0/0 votes | 0%
OP Is Definitely The AH (YTA) 0/0 votes | 0%
No One Is The AH Here (NAH) 0/0 votes | 0%
Everybody Sucks Here (ESH) 0/0 votes | 0%
Need More INFO (INFO) 0/0 votes | 0%

Carolyn Mullet

Carolyn Mullet

Carolyn Mullet is in charge of planning and content process management, business development, social media, strategic partnership relations, brand building, and PR for DailyHighlight. Before joining Dailyhighlight, she served as the Vice President of Editorial Development at Aubtu Today, and as a senior editor at various magazines and media agencies.

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