Confidence and competence don’t always look the same and that’s something one camp counselor learned the hard way.
Though his appearance doesn’t scream “athlete,” he consistently outperforms his visibly fit coworker when it comes to physical tasks. The kids have noticed too, dubbing him the “strong counselor,” which only deepened the other man’s insecurity.
When coworkers suggested he do less to make his colleague feel better, he pushed back. But was he being insensitive—or simply refusing to shrink himself for someone else’s comfort?
A camp counselor consistently outperformed his taller, fitter co-worker in practical strength tasks, prompting complaints that it embarrassed the athlete
There is a fine line between simply doing one’s job well and inadvertently making a colleague feel inadequate.
The Original Poster (OP) describes a camp-counselling environment where he, shorter and heavier than his visibly fit co-counsellor, consistently outperforms that colleague on physically demanding tasks, carrying backpacks, opening jars, managing heavy equipment, even though he concedes the other guy is a stronger athlete in typical formats.
The co-counsellor claims he feels “embarrassed” to appear less capable than someone “like” the OP, and the OP is pressured to “tone it down.”
From one perspective, the OP is simply executing his responsibilities. His strength and performance benefit the children, lighten the workload, and support the camp’s mission. He isn’t seeking accolades or ridiculing his co-worker, yet the dynamic has emerged nonetheless.
From the other perspective, the co-counsellor’s reaction taps into deeper issues of identity, ego, and workplace fairness: feeling overshadowed in tasks adjacent to, but distinct from, his fitness identity may threaten his self-esteem.
In organisational psychology, perceptions of fairness and the recognition of one’s contributions play a major role in workplace morale and performance.
For example, a study of Malaysian managers found that perceptions of fairness and information-sharing are positively associated with improved performance. (Journal of Gadjah Mada University)
When a colleague unexpectedly outperforms you at something you believe you should excel in, the emotional sting may be real, even if the operation itself is fair.
Widening the view, this issue reflects a broader social phenomenon: the mismatch between visible identity (fitness, body type, job title) and real-world performance.
Society often expects those who look fit to dominate physically, and the OP’s situation upends that assumption. That dissonance can trigger discomfort or resentment, which plays out in subtle interpersonal tensions.
Furthermore, workplaces and teams thrive when fairness is perceived, not just in outcomes, but in how tasks, roles, and recognition are distributed. This is the essence of “procedural justice” and “interactional justice” in organisational justice theory. (ResearchGate)
What can the OP do?
First, continue doing the job well: competence should not be voluntarily reduced because someone else feels insecure.
But second, the OP might encourage open dialogue: ask the co-counsellor how he perceives the workload, acknowledge his strengths (e.g., athletic leadership), and make sure the tasks that highlight the OP’s unacknowledged strengths don’t alienate others.
A gentle acknowledgement can diffuse tension: “Hey, I see you kill it with the kids during games; I’ll take the gear load today and you lead the sports sessions.”
Third, involve the wider team or camp leadership to ensure that roles, expectations, and recognition are balanced, so no one feels boxed in by stereotypes or overlooked.
Check out how the community responded:
These commenters cheered the OP for staying professional and confident
This group focused on the unfairness and bias behind the coworker’s attitude, calling it discrimination, bullying, and pure insecurity
The Redditor didn’t flaunt his strength or show off, he just did his job well. If that’s “embarrassing” to someone else, that’s their problem, not his. Real strength isn’t about muscles or appearance; it’s about competence, confidence, and character.
Would you have “toned it down” to protect a coworker’s ego or kept carrying those backpacks like a champ?
