Daughter Faces Heart-Wrenching Choice As Aging Mother Demands Lifelong Financial Support

A woman spent decades as a stay-at-home mother, bitterly resenting the burden of her bedridden mother-in-law and even abandoning her during a tornado warning. After the marriage ended, she received a substantial lump-sum divorce payment and lived comfortably for five years until the money vanished entirely.

Now at sixty, she expects her two adult children to cover her rent, food, bills, and all living costs indefinitely, claiming minor back issues and aversion to routine work prevent employment. Her daughter, thirty and earning roughly fifty thousand annually, wrestles with guilt over potential eviction yet dreads sacrificing her future plans, including marriage and homeownership, to become a permanent provider.

A Reddit user grapples with whether to let her mother face eviction after the mom exhausts her divorce settlement and refuses to work.

The mom views her kids as the natural next safety net after her ex-husband and her lump-sum windfall ran dry.  Meanwhile the Redditor sees a pattern of avoidance. On one side, some argue the mom deserves grace. She spent decades as a stay-at-home mom raising kids and managing a household, which is real unpaid labor, and jumping into the workforce at 60 with no qualifications and some health limitations isn’t easy.

Others point out the hypocrisy: she resented supporting grandma, yet now expects endless support herself, with no apparent effort to downsize, seek government aid, or find non-physical work like remote customer service or part-time office roles. It’s a classic clash of “you owe me because I’m family” versus “boundaries exist for a reason.”

This situation highlights a bigger societal trend: family financial dynamics are shifting as people live longer and retirement savings often fall short.

According to a NerdWallet survey, more than half of Americans (55%) either currently assist their aging parents financially or plan to if needed, while around 1 in 7 (14%) are already doing so. Yet many in the “sandwich generation” juggle this with their own goals, leading to tough choices.

Pew Research Center data shows that about one-third (32%) of adults with a parent 65+ have provided financial help in the past year, underscoring how common but stressful this support can be.

Experts emphasize exploring alternatives before defaulting to kids as the sole lifeline. Social Security offers options like divorced spousal benefits, if the marriage lasted at least 10 years, a former spouse can claim up to half of the ex’s benefit at full retirement age.

As the Social Security Administration explains, “Divorced women married at least 10 years are eligible for Social Security on the ex- husband’s record if they are unmarried at the time they become eligible for Social Security.”

Connecting with resources like an Office on Aging or a social worker can help navigate benefits, affordable housing waitlists, or disability applications (SSI for low-income disabled individuals, though it involves appeals and medical proof).

A key piece of neutral advice? Set firm, time-limited help if any rather than open-ended support, to encourage self-reliance without total abandonment. A few push for more empathy, noting SAHM years count as work and sudden independence at 60 is scary, but most agree no one signs up to bankroll a parent’s lifestyle forever.

Here’s the comments of Reddit users:

Some people judge the OP as not the AH and emphasize the mother’s entitlement and lack of effort to support herself.

Some people suggest practical alternatives like government benefits, social services, or time-limited help instead of indefinite support.

Some people criticize the mother’s financial mismanagement and question her expectations after the divorce settlement.

Some people defend the mother as a lifelong SAHM who contributed through homemaking and caregiving, questioning the OP’s harsh stance.

Some people express a desire for petty or blunt responses to the mother’s expectations.

In the end, this Redditor’s facing a no-win spot: protect her future or risk resentment over lifelong support. Do you think stepping back is fair given the mom’s past choices and lack of effort, or does family duty trump everything? How would you handle a similar ask from a parent? Drop your thoughts below, we’re all ears!