What happens when the betrayal of your parents still stings a decade later, and they suddenly want to reconnect with you and meet your child?
One woman is facing a dilemma of whether to forgive her parents after they kicked her out over a relationship and never tried to make amends. Now, years later, they want access to their grandchild, but she refuses to let them in.
She argues that they never apologized, and the damage they caused by disowning her over something so trivial (in her eyes) has left her unwilling to let go of the past. Is she being too harsh, or is she justified in holding on to this resentment? Keep reading to see what the internet has to say.
A woman is torn over refusing to let her parents meet her child after being kicked out years ago for dating someone older
In this situation, the OP is navigating years of unresolved hurt and familial rejection. The emotional truth at the core of her story is a feeling of deep betrayal. Her parents didn’t just disagree with her romantic choice; they forced her out of her home at a young age, at a time when she needed support and guidance most.
That kind of rejection doesn’t just sting for a moment, it shapes a person’s sense of safety, belonging, and self‑worth. For OP, the pain around this experience didn’t vanish with time; it transformed into a protective instinct that now extends to her own child.
The emotional dynamics here aren’t just about lingering bitterness. They’re about trust and safety. OP’s parents once abandoned her emotionally and physically, and she fears repeating that pattern in her daughter’s life. What her brother sees as “holding on to the past” is actually OP’s way of guarding her family’s emotional security.
To OP, letting her parents back in without meaningful accountability feels like the same kind of vulnerability that once hurt her. Boundaries, in this context, are not arbitrary, they’re a response to real harm.
According to Psychology Today, forgiveness and reconciliation are distinct psychological processes. Forgiveness, the internal choice to release resentment, does not automatically mean restoring a relationship, and reconciliation requires mutual willingness and trust that may not yet exist here.
Experts explain that “you can forgive without reconciling, and you can reconcile without forgiving,” and confusing the two can lead someone to minimize their own needs for safety and respect.
This distinction is essential. OP’s decision not to allow her parents contact with her child isn’t necessarily a refusal to heal or move on; it’s a boundary rooted in emotional self‑preservation.
Forgiveness might be something she works toward internally, but reconciliation, especially where her daughter is concerned, must be based on evidence of real change, not just regret expressed years later. Forgiveness can free the forgiver from ongoing distress, and it isn’t inherently tied to restoring closeness with the offender.
Psychological research on boundaries also supports OP’s stance: healthy boundaries help protect emotional well‑being, promote self‑trust, and reduce feelings of being taken advantage of in relationships where past harm exists. Setting boundaries isn’t about punishment, it’s about defining what you need to feel respected and safe.
In the end, OP’s choice to withhold access to her child isn’t petty or vindictive. It’s a thoughtful response to past emotional injury and a meaningful effort to protect her daughter from repeating it.
Forgiveness, if it happens, can occur on OP’s terms and timeline. What matters most is that OP honors her emotional truth while remaining open (if she chooses) to evolving her relationships when there’s genuine accountability and trustworthiness, not simply time passed.
Here’s the input from the Reddit crowd:
This group agreed that the parents’ behavior was manipulative and controlling
This group expressed that the parents’ actions were hypocritical and wrong
These commenters offered a nuanced perspective, suggesting that while the user has the right to refuse reconciliation
These Redditors questioned the lack of clear communication from both sides and suggested that the user may have ignored attempts at reconciliation
This group believed that the parents were genuinely trying to make amends and that the user might be blocking a potential reconciliation
Was the woman right to stand firm in her decision, or should she have found it in her heart to forgive her parents? Share your thoughts, do you believe in second chances, or should some things remain unforgivable?
