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Deadbeat Dad Cries Unfair After Grandparents Force Him To Pay Child Support

by Layla Bui
January 20, 2026
in Social Issues

Money has a way of reopening old wounds, especially when it is tied to family history that was never fully resolved. Some conflicts stay buried for years, quietly shaping relationships in the background, until one unexpected event brings everything back to the surface. Weddings, in particular, tend to do that.

In this story, the original poster is preparing to marry the person she has been with for nearly a decade. Her childhood was stable and loving, but one key figure was mostly absent from it. When distant relatives suddenly reappear and learn the full story, their reaction sets off a chain of events no one planned for.

What was meant as a generous gesture quickly becomes a source of anger and guilt. Now the poster is left wondering whether accepting what was offered makes her selfish or simply owed something long overdue.

One woman’s wedding plans unexpectedly reunited a family and reopened decades of unfinished business

Deadbeat Dad Cries Unfair After Grandparents Force Him To Pay Child Support
not actual the photo

'AITA for "forcing" my father to pay child support?'

My father is a d__k. When he got my mother pregnant he wanted her to quit her job and just stay home to "be a good little wife and mother.

He is very well off due to a trust fund and he doesn't really need to work. My mother refused and divorced him.

Because of a prenup she got very little and he moved back to Europe.

His parents never knew about me and my mother had a good profession, and I never really wanted for anything.

My grandmother and grandfather, her mom and dad were awesome, and I got to spend my summers exploring the wilds of Western Canada with them.

My father never paid the child support he should have. Like I said it did really matter.

My mom makes good money, and she gave me a great life as a child. So the point of this post. I'm (F28) getting married.

I met the love of my life (M31) at university, and we have been together for eight years.

He is a wonderful person and he really is my lobster. (Sorry, Friends reference).

His family is from the same city as my father, and they are a huge rambunctious bunch.

Because of a lot of intermingled business and personal relationships my parental grandparents found out

about my impending wedding and me I suppose. The have been in contact and want to come to Canada to meet me and my fiancee

who I guess is a grandson of an acquaintance of theirs. Small world. When they found out that my father had

basically abandoned me to fend for myself in this world, this is honestly how they see it, they were pissed to say the least.

It is very funny because we are decidedly upper middle class here. So long story short they had their lawyer calculate the amount of

child support my father should have paid with inyerest and the cost of my post secondary education.

They then gave my this as a gift. What I didn't know was that it came out of my father's yearly draw on his trust fund.

He is furious because it is obviously a sizeable amount and it will very much affect his finances for at least the next two years.

He may need to ,GASP, get a job.

He has been contacting me and telling me that his current wife and children will be negatively affected if I don't give him back this money.

I don't really need it. And I guess I am entitled to it and I am getting a trust fund now as well.

But I really want to pay off any debt my mother may have and make sure that when she retires she can do whatever suits her fancy.

I'm not giving it back AITA?. Edit: to answer some common questions.

1. My half siblings will not really be affected. They have trust funds set up already and their tuitions and fees and stuff are covered.

2. My grandparents family sets these up when ba kid is born.

One of the reasons my father is upset is because since he didn't bother to tell his parents about me they did not set this up.

They have since taken a good chunk of his trust fund and used it to set mine up.

Realistically the principle being separated 28 years ago would have left him in the exact same position.

3. My mom was working on getting her PhD so she could help kids with a certain condition. That is what he wanted her to walk away from.

4. My grandparents have sent me pictures of my family there.

The coolest thing is that my grandfather looks like the granddad from The Parent Trap.

5. My mom never remarried. But she has had a special friend since I was five. He is amazing and taught me to swear in Colombian Spanish.

Edit número dos. I just had lunch with my mom. Apparently she has no debt. Like at all.

I guess she did literally write the book about the treatment for the kids she works with she does okay for herself.

I never really thought about it. We decided that what would be best is to set up a scholarship for people

who want to go into her field of study. Since I am now a trustafarian I can afford to do this.

I am however going to book her and her "friend" a trip for after my wedding.

And I am going to go pay off my car. Edit tres My half brother has posted about this.

He has a slightly different viewpoint than myself. He is not in any way coming after myself or my mother.

If you comment there keep in mind he is a young man who is disillusioned with his father.

At first glance, this story looks like a dramatic family money dispute. But beneath the trust funds and wedding drama lies a far more common and uncomfortable issue: long-term parental responsibility avoidance.

Although the Redditor grew up financially stable, experts emphasize that material comfort does not erase the impact of parental absence. According to Psychology Today, childhood emotional neglect can occur even in households where basic needs are met.

Dr. Jonice Webb, a licensed psychologist specializing in emotional neglect, explains that “when a parent chooses disengagement, the child often grows up minimizing their own unmet needs until adulthood brings moments that reopen old wounds.”

In this case, the father’s absence was not only emotional but also financial. Data from the U.S. Census Bureau, summarized by USAFacts, shows that nearly 30% of custodial parents entitled to child support receive nothing at all. This gap often leaves extended family members or legal systems to step in later, sometimes decades later.

What makes this situation unusual is that accountability didn’t arrive via court order but through grandparents who felt morally compelled to correct what they saw as their son’s failure. Family therapists often describe this as a form of “intergenerational repair.”

According to Verywell Mind, families sometimes attempt late-stage correction when guilt, regret, or lost relationships become impossible to ignore. The father’s reaction claiming the repayment harms his current family also follows a recognizable psychological pattern.

Experts note that individuals confronted with consequences frequently externalize blame to avoid confronting long-term responsibility. Medical News Today highlights that defensive reactions are common when personal identity or lifestyle is threatened by accountability.

From a neutral standpoint, the Redditor did not demand repayment, initiate legal action, or weaponize the funds. The grandparents made an independent financial decision using assets that were never fully under their son’s control.

According to trust law principles, beneficiaries do not own trust assets outright, a point often misunderstood in family disputes. Experts generally advise adult children in similar situations to maintain firm emotional boundaries.

Accepting restitution does not obligate forgiveness, nor does it make one responsible for a parent’s discomfort. Sometimes, as this story shows, justice doesn’t arrive loudly; it arrives quietly, with paperwork and interest calculated over time.

Here’s what the community had to contribute:

These commenters agreed the dad was a deadbeat and deserved the consequences

VoyagerVII − NTA. He should have been paying it all along. And your grandparents sound badass.

Wolfenbro − NTA Your dad’s a deadbeat, he should’ve been paying it all along. It’s not his money anyway, it’s from the trust fund set up for him.

Your paternal grandparents sound awesome though, maybe they’re trying to atone for raising the asshat that is their son.

chill_stoner_0604 − NTA your father is a deadbeat. His parents are legends though

Various-Bridge-325 − NTA. Your father had a parental responsibility and failed in this. Your grandparents have now made him cough up.

Keep the money and do with it what you like, give it to your mom. It's money she should have received for your upbringing.

This was awesome of your grandparents. Block your father and go NC.

This group stressed the trust fund was the grandparents’ money, not the dad’s

stophittingthyself − NTA Your grandparents wont accept it back anyway. It's your grandparents money to use however they wish.

They've decided to gift it to their grandchild and not their lazy ass son. Tell him this is between him and his parents.

BlueClouds42 − NTA They gave it freely. It is yours.

If they were able to give it, it wasn't his money to control where it goes to anyway. That's how a trust works.

shealwayscomplains − NTA u dont say no to generational wealth. ever. its an opportunity only a few may get in their lifetime.

These users cheered the idea of using the money to support or repay the mom

MegamiDoran − NTA Call it karma. It's your money. It's a lovely idea to give it to your mom.

MaryAnne0601 − NTA You and your mother more than deserve it! I applaud your grandparents for doing the right thing.

They knew their son wouldn’t own up to his own failures so they literally made him pay for it. They are brilliant.

robinivy − Nta. Give it to your mother

This group mocked the father and encouraged OP to enjoy the money freely

N_Ryan_ − He’s no father. Go wild with the money, make sure he knows exactly how wild.

[Reddit User] − NTA. It's amazing that the first contact you have with your bio dad is for him to demand money from you.

These Redditors advised involving the grandparents to shut the father down

NaiveHold2685 − Certainly NTA, how lovely of your grandparents.

I bet if you let them know he’s been contacting you about it, they’ll put a stop to it.

(If you want to do it in a sneakily nice way, you can say, “Hey I feel awkward about this, but my dad/your son has been

contacting me saying it’ll hurt his lifestyle unless I give him the money back, is that true? I’m worried about his kids”)

kevwelch − That trust fund isn’t HIS money, it’s his parents money. They can give or take that any time they want.

And they wanted to take it from him and given it to you. That’s 100% their right. Your father is actually angry at them, but he’s also a c__ard.

He knows that any anger he directs at them may end up with him being cut off completely. It’s time to shut him up.

Let him know that if he keeps harassing you, you’ll show his texts and emails and calls to his parents.

Ask him how he thinks they’d react to his actions. Keep the money. Just because you don’t “need” a thing doesn’t make it wrong to have it.

Pay off your debt, buy a home, make your new life with your husband that much easier.

Save and invest it for your children if you want. Your grandparents want you to have their money. Let them be generous to you. NTA

This commenter focused on the grandparents’ grief over losing 28 years with OP

MrFlitter − NTA Your dad didn't do the right thing. Looks like his parents are pissed that he was an ass and robbed them of a grandchild.

​ No matter that you didn't grow up in poverty, to them you where betrayed by their son they will be incredibly ashamed of it.

The bigger draw of anger from them could likely be that they did not get to see 28 years of your life,

28 holiday mornings, 28 birthdays, a million little moments that could of been shared even if from a distance. ​

As for dear old gamete provider dearest, he made this problem for him self and can get him self out of it.

All the best OP hope you take a chance to explore the rest of the family

In the end, most readers agreed this wasn’t about greed; it was about responsibility finally catching up. While some sympathized with the father’s discomfort, many felt his outrage came decades too late.

The bride chose stability, gratitude, and generosity over guilt, and the internet largely applauded the restraint. Do you think accepting long-overdue support is fair, even when it disrupts someone else’s comfort?

Or should the past stay buried once everyone turns out “fine”? Drop your hot takes below, we’re listening.

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF THIS STORY?

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF THIS STORY?

OP Is Not The AH (NTA) 0/0 votes | 0%
OP Is Definitely The AH (YTA) 0/0 votes | 0%
No One Is The AH Here (NAH) 0/0 votes | 0%
Everybody Sucks Here (ESH) 0/0 votes | 0%
Need More INFO (INFO) 0/0 votes | 0%

Layla Bui

Layla Bui

Hi, I’m Layla Bui. I’m a lifestyle and culture writer for Daily Highlight. Living in Los Angeles gives me endless energy and stories to share. I believe words have the power to question the world around us. Through my writing, I explore themes of wellness, belonging, and social pressure, the quiet struggles that shape so many of our lives.

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