Ex-Wife Begs for Childcare, But Her Ex-Husband Just Says No

A father thought he was playing the long game—enforcing custody agreements and “protecting” his girlfriend from being used as a free babysitter.

But in doing so, he managed to damage the two most important relationships in his life: the one with his future fiancée, and the one with his co-parent.

When his ex-wife called his girlfriend, a nurse, begging her to take their 4-year-old son during an emergency shift, the father seized the phone and declared the favor system closed. His subsequent actions raised a critical question: Was he setting boundaries, or just exercising control?

Now, read the full story:

This father stepped in to set a boundary that his girlfriend made clear she did not need—or want—set. In one short, angry call, he managed to damage the cooperative relationship between his ex-wife and his fiancée, deprive his son of time with him, and demonstrate a profound lack of respect for his partner’s autonomy.

The fact that his girlfriend explicitly told him to allow the visit, and he refused, completely undermines his claim that he was “helping her stand up for herself.” He wasn’t defending her; he was taking control of a situation that didn’t involve him, using his girlfriend’s “good nature” as an excuse to stick it to his ex-wife.

The resulting blow-up with his girlfriend shows exactly how far off base he was. He missed the critical difference between being “used” and being an enthusiastic, loving participant in a child’s life.

The issue here is control, not boundaries. Boundaries are established to protect one’s own comfort and space, but they must be established by the person whose boundaries are being violated. By taking the phone and speaking for his fiancée, OP crossed a crucial line.

Relationships thrive when partners respect each other’s personal choices, especially when those choices involve kindness or generosity toward loved ones. As marriage and family therapist Jonathon M. Smith, LMFT, wrote for Psychology Today:

“In successful co-parenting situations, the biggest factor is flexibility and maintaining an adult, cooperative relationship—especially when the child is young. Preventing the step-parent from bonding with the child through punitive actions is often seen by the child as an act of hostility.”

OP’s actions were punitive toward his ex, his girlfriend, and, most importantly, his son. The girlfriend explicitly stated that spending time with the child was not babysitting, highlighting her investment in the relationship. When co-parents rely on step-partners for occasional flexibility, this is a sign of trust, which is rare.

OP’s move was also statistically unnecessary. Research conducted by Pew Research Center on stepfamilies consistently shows that strong bonds between a step-parent and a step-child’s biological parent contribute significantly to the overall well-being and stability of the child. By shutting down this positive connection, OP undermined his son’s future stability simply to exert control over the ex-wife he dislikes.

Check out how the community responded:

The entire community was in agreement: YTA. Users immediately called out the father for being controlling and punishing his son to get back at his ex-wife.

Many Redditors focused on the father’s disrespect toward his girlfriend, noting that he usurped her right to make decisions.

The commentary also heavily emphasized the father’s failure to prioritize his child’s well-being over his own petty feud with his ex.

This father needs to realize that his girlfriend is a capable adult who can manage her own generosity. If she truly enjoys spending time with his son, he should stop fighting that beautiful dynamic. He needs to apologize to his girlfriend and begin fostering cooperation, not resentment, if he wants his family unit to thrive.

Do you think the ex-wife was genuinely taking advantage, or was this a normal part of co-parenting? Should the father have simply suggested a boundary conversation with his girlfriend instead of taking over the call?