Being asked to be a godparent is typically a beautiful gesture of love and support, but when one woman was asked to be her friend’s child’s godmother, she quickly realized the role came with unexpected, and costly, expectations.
Her friend sent her a detailed list of “godmother duties,” which included buying expensive gifts and contributing to the child’s college fund, all with a hefty price tag.
Shocked by the financial demands, the woman refused to sign up for this version of godmotherhood.
The concept of a godparent is ancient and deeply rooted in tradition, but that tradition almost never includes compulsory financial obligations like expensive yearly gifts or a fixed college‑fund contribution.
OP’s story underscores a clash between traditional role definitions and personal or cultural interpretations of obligation, and that clash is what caused this emotional conflict with her friend.
Traditionally, the role of a godparent is spiritual and relational, not financial.
In Christianity, godparents are chosen to sponsor a child at baptism and to help support their spiritual upbringing, often making vows to assist the parents in raising the child within their faith tradition.
The Encyclopaedia Britannica describes a godparent as someone who stands as a spiritual guide and mentor throughout the child’s life, someone whose role is built around moral support rather than monetary support.
The emphasis is on guidance, example, and relationship, not on meeting prescriptive financial thresholds.
Similarly, The Bump, a resource for expecting parents, points out that while traditions vary, the “role of godparents” historically centers on supporting a child’s faith and offering long‑term emotional guidance, not on specific financial expectations.
The article notes that responsibilities depend on personal or religious context and may include supporting parents emotionally, spiritually, or physically, but no universal requirement for set monetary gifts or college contributions is mentioned.
Indeed, even secular perspectives on godparenthood recognize that the expectations should be mutually agreed upon before someone accepts the role.
Modern guides emphasize that parents and the selected godparent(s) should discuss what is expected, including any gifts, support, or contributions, before formal acceptance.
This highlights the importance of clear communication upfront, especially where financial or time commitments might extend beyond symbolic support.
A common misunderstanding stems from conflating *what some families choose to do with what being a godparent inherently requires.
In many cultures and families, friends or relatives may give gifts on birthdays, holidays, or for milestone events, but these are traditional gestures of affection, not defined duties tied to the title of “godparent.”
They are cultural practices or personal preferences rather than universally mandated obligations.
Parenting resources note that beyond affectionate acts like celebrating milestones, mandatory financial responsibilities are up to the discretion of the parents and the individual godparent.
So when OP agreed to be a godmother without knowing about her friend’s unusually specific and financially heavy expectations, she was not failing a universally recognized role, she was just unaware of this particular interpretation.
Since those expectations were never disclosed before she accepted, her feeling blindsided is reasonable, not unreasonable or dismissive.
From an emotional dynamics perspective, experts emphasize that clear expectations and boundaries are essential in close relationships, especially when roles involve potentially long‑term involvement with a child.
Miscommunication about such expectations inevitably leads to conflict.
As some relationship professionals explain, problems rarely stem from the role itself, but rather from differences in how people define that role.
What seems like sacred honor to one person can feel overwhelming or misaligned to another when not jointly discussed.
In this particular case, OP’s decision to decline the role once the financial expectations were revealed wasn’t a rejection of the child or the family; it was a boundary around what she felt comfortable committing to.
The title of godmother does not legally or traditionally obligate someone to provide specific dollar amounts for gifts or college funds.
That kind of expectation is a personal preference on the part of the parents, not a universal standard tied to the role itself.
In conclusion, OP was not in the wrong for declining after learning the full extent of what was being asked.
Being invited to be a godparent is a meaningful emotional honor, but the duties of the role do not inherently include mandated expensive gifts or financial obligations unless mutually agreed upon beforehand.
Had her friend mentioned these expectations before asking, OP might have had a more informed conversation rather than agreeing based on tradition alone.
The situation highlights how misaligned expectations, especially around money, can strain even long‑standing friendships, and it underscores the importance of discussing role responsibilities before accepting them.
Here’s what the community had to contribute:
These users are quick to label the friend’s request as financial exploitation, with one even calling it “financial servitude with extra steps.”
These Redditors echo the sentiment that the friend’s demands are not typical of a godparent’s responsibilities.
This group is not holding back in calling out the friend’s manipulative behavior, with one even labeling her a “legendary grifter.”
These users emphasize that the friend is lying about the true nature of godparenting and trying to make the OP an unwilling financial backer.
It’s clear that there’s a major misunderstanding between the OP and their friend about the role of a godmother.
Do you think the OP was right to back out of the commitment? Or should they have clarified the expectations beforehand?
How would you handle a situation like this with a close friend? Let us know your thoughts below!
