Girl Picks Peas Out Of Her Dinner At A Family Gathering, Mum’s Boss Gets Involved

Family dinners can sometimes bring unexpected tension, especially when personal preferences clash with social expectations.

For one Redditor, an uncomfortable situation arose when she had to attend a dinner hosted by her mother, where she was faced with a dish containing peas, a food she couldn’t stand. Instead of forcing herself to eat them, she picked them out in front of her mum’s boss, thinking nothing of it.

However, her actions didn’t go unnoticed, and her mum was upset afterward, accusing her of being rude. The Redditor tried to explain that she simply didn’t like peas and didn’t want to make a fuss, but her mum’s anger and her boss’s comment made her question whether she overstepped.

Was her behavior disrespectful, or was her mum being too harsh? Keep reading to see how this delicate situation unfolded.

A woman picks peas out of her dinner at a family gathering, upsetting her mum’s boss

Girl Picks Peas Out Of Her Dinner At A Family Gathering, Mum’s Boss Gets Involved — not the actual photo

A few days later, OP provided an update:

For some people, what seems like “just food” is actually a deeply sensory experience and this matters when they attend dinners with others. The OP says she is autistic and finds peas’ texture uncomfortable. That sensitivity isn’t trivial.

Research shows that many autistic individuals have sensory processing differences that affect how they respond to tastes, textures, smells, and oral sensations.

Because of these differences, certain foods may feel repulsive or distressing, not merely “unpleasant.” Avoiding or removing those foods can be a coping strategy to manage sensory overload and discomfort, something that’s recognized clinically.

From that lens, the OP’s decision to pick peas off her plate wasn’t about rudeness or picky‑eating. It was a legitimate attempt to make the meal tolerable without overwhelming her sensory system. In private or with understanding friends or family, it would be entirely reasonable.

But meals, especially in a setting with guests, hosts, and social expectations, are rarely just about nourishment. Eating together often involves unspoken rules of politeness, shared experience, and mutual respect. Research in social psychology confirms that social norms strongly influence what and how we eat when dining with others.

These norms exist partly because meals are communal rituals: sharing food and table manners helps signal respect, belonging, and civility.

When a guest visibly picks parts out of their food, especially in a formal or semi‑formal setting, many observers may interpret it as a sign of distaste or rejection. Even if the discomfort is genuine, the form the avoidance takes can clash with social expectations.

That social dissonance can make hosts feel embarrassed, hurt, or judged. It’s not just about the food; it’s about what the act communicates to others.

In the OP’s case, the conflict arises from the intersection of two realities: her neurodivergent sensory needs and the social contract of dining politely when guests are present. She wasn’t “being rude” out of spite, but her coping strategy, picking out peas, collided with expectations of courtesy.

So I think the OP’s feelings are valid. Her sensory discomfort is real, and she responded in the best way she knew. But I also see why her mum felt upset. In her mum’s mind, hosting guests meant respecting social norms and presenting herself (and her family) well. The OP’s actions, no matter how unintentional in motive, appeared to violate those norms.

In an ideal world, these two needs could be balanced: the OP could feel comfortable with her meal, and the dinner hosts and guests could feel respected. That balance often comes through communication.

For example, if the OP or her mum had known beforehand about the sensitivity, they might have offered or prepared alternative food, or planned seating/serving in a way that avoided discomfort for everyone.