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Girlfriend Can’t Believe Her Boyfriend Won’t Charge The Relative Who Tanked His Credit Score

by Annie Nguyen
December 3, 2025
in Social Issues

Money problems have a way of revealing the cracks in even the strongest relationships. It becomes even messier when the issue isn’t caused by either partner but by someone who should have been trustworthy.

One couple thought they were finally stepping into their next chapter after years of saving, planning and dreaming. Instead, a discovery about a long-forgotten credit account knocked everything off track.

The original poster found herself facing a situation she never imagined. Her boyfriend’s credit score tanked, their home loan collapsed, and the reason behind it left her shocked.

What unsettled her even more was how calmly her partner reacted to something that could delay their entire future. Scroll down to see how she handled the dilemma and why she turned to the internet for perspective.

A couple’s future unravels after a hidden credit card debt leads back to a trusted relative

Girlfriend Can’t Believe Her Boyfriend Won’t Charge The Relative Who Tanked His Credit Score
Not the actual photo

'AITA for asking my boyfriend to charge his family member for fraud?'

Backstory, I (27F) and my boyfriend (34M) have been together 5 years and have worked really hard to save for a house.

2 weeks ago we fell in love with a house and we put down an initial deposit to hold the property.

(The house won’t be built until end of 2022)

We have been in talks with a mortgage broker and the builders finance people.

Last week we received some shocking news when my boyfriends credit score came back as being bad.

There was activity on the statement that was 100% not his and a credit card that has gone into default over the last 6 months.

This credit card was originally my boyfriends but he swears he closed the account and cancelled the card mid 2019.

Long story short we discovered that a family member that was living with him a few years ago

has gotten ahold of the card at some point and has been using the card on and off since 2019.

They defaulted on payments in early 2020 but payed this off, then defaulted again in December of last year and

the account is still in default and over $5000 is owed in charges and late fees.

Charges for shopping, news agency, take away food and pubs (gambling)

My boyfriend has had zero knowledge of this as he hasn’t had access to the account after he “closed” it,

and hasn’t been receiving statements or notices from the bank, the family member has diverted these to their address.

We’re now unable to successfully apply for a bank loan for our house as they won’t lend to my boyfriend with his credit the way it is. Our options are...

1. Proceed with fraud investigations and charges in the family member allowing us to prove this is of no fault of my boyfriends and successfully secure the loan.. Or

2. Boyfriend pays the debt and we wait at least 2 years from the pay off date for his credit to regain some loss.

Option 2 sets us back at lease 3 years in starting a family and our lives as home owners.

This will also not allow my boyfriend to secure a bank loan to start up his own business he’s been dreaming of starting for a few years, this was the...

This has devastated us and put a massive delay in our plans.

My boyfriend doesn’t like conflict and is going with option

2. He isn’t even planning on mentioning anything to the family member.

He wants it to all go away and thinks this family member is going through a rough time.

I want my boyfriend to proceed with fraud charges and investigation.

We have worked too hard to not have our dream house and him owning his own business.

So AITA for pushing my opinion on my boyfriend?

Financial betrayal hits harder than most people expect. It isn’t just the debt, the credit score or the logistical chaos. It’s the sinking realization that someone trusted chose convenience over responsibility, knowing the fallout would land on someone else.

In this story, the couple’s long-awaited path toward owning a home abruptly breaks, and with it comes a wave of disappointment and fear about the future. When years of effort evaporate because of another person’s selfishness, the emotional cost often feels heavier than the financial one.

At the heart of this situation is a clash of emotional instincts. The boyfriend retreats into silence, hoping the storm will pass if he absorbs the damage alone. His partner sees the situation as a threat to their shared future, something that requires action and accountability.

These reactions aren’t unusual. Many people, especially those conditioned to avoid conflict, will choose emotional comfort over long-term stability.

Others often those who carry the mental load of planning, security and future-building see inaction as dangerous. This difference creates frustration, not because either partner is malicious, but because they are operating from different emotional histories.

Psychotherapist and mental health writer Arlin Cuncic explains that people-pleasers and conflict-avoidant individuals often struggle to set boundaries because they fear upsetting others or being seen as “difficult.”

They may accept harm to themselves to maintain harmony or avoid guilt, even when it leads to long-term consequences. Cuncic notes that this pattern often stems from early experiences where conflict felt unsafe or love felt conditional.

Martin’s insight fits this situation closely. The boyfriend is not choosing the easy solution; he is choosing the solution that lets him avoid emotional fallout, even though it harms their shared future. His partner, meanwhile, is responding from practicality and self-preservation.

To her, pursuing fraud charges is a logical step toward rebuilding their stability. To him, it feels like choosing conflict over family loyalty, even when that loyalty is being exploited.

The real challenge is not just the fraud; it is the emotional mismatch in how each partner handles harm. A realistic path forward may involve helping him understand that avoiding conflict is still a decision, and it comes with real costs.

Protecting family should never mean sacrificing years of your own future. Sometimes accountability is the most caring choice a person can make for themselves and their relationship.

Take a look at the comments from fellow users:

These Redditors warn that his avoidance and loyalty to a thief may doom the relationship

dauphineep − NTA. But is this really someone you want to build a life with, having this kind of baggage?

He’s willing to pay off a debt incurred by someone fraudulently and not even address it with that person.

What happens if this person does it again? He’s already taught them there’s no consequences if they spend money they don’t have.

And then it will be tied to you as well.

You need to think long and hard about whether this is something you want to deal with long term.

I do think it’s odd he’s willing to pay for it and not address it with the person that incurred the debt.

Are you sure the person didn’t have permission to keep using it as long as they paid the bill?

4thxtofollowtherules − NTA. If it was me I'd think long and hard about staying w him if he chooses 2. He'll always be a doormat.

RhubarbDiva − This person has not just stolen some money from your BF.

They have stolen your chance of having your dream home together.

They have stolen your BF's chance to start his own business.

They have stolen your chance to start your family together when you planned to.

If your BF lets them get away with all that then I would say he has also let them steal your relationship,

as it's hard to see how it could survive all that.

If your BF can't see that then it may be time to reconsider where you go from here as from my viewpoint your BF is prioritising a thief over you.

believingunbeliever − NTA, he basically presented his ass to this relative to get ducked over because family.

Honestly this might be a relationship defining moment that might never recover regardless of the outcome.

jammy913 − NTA but you might want to rethink this relationship because it will absolutely impact you if that's his attitude.

lincmidd − NTA. You bf is making a choice that effects your life as much as his. 2-3 yrs is a long time to wait to start a family at...

Your bf sounds like a patsy that the cousin would know is an easy victim. Tell bf it’s time to start looking out for himself and you.

Is he going to always let people victimize him, his wife, his kids? Grow a spine now or forever be someone’s victim!

uhno28 − NTA but it might be a losing battle.

This will affect BOTH of your future and he's making a decision where the people

who did wrong get NO consequences and the innocent people get further screwed.

all in the name of avoiding conflict. His response of the relative "going through a hard time" is cowardice and nothing more.

He's showing empathy to the relatives who screwed him over with fraud, and is willing to put your future on hold.

2-3 years is a lot, and it could be longer because life happens. He's having no empathy for YOU, who is collateral in this mess.

He chooses the path of least resistance, and if you agree to postpone your life to protect these jerks, you will confirm to him that YOU are that path.

Every time he has to chose who to s__ew over, he'll chose to spare the rest because you will create the least amount of hassle for him to deal with....

You can't control what he does in the end, you can only control your actions.

If he chooses to spare his family, then I'd remove myself from the situation and leave.

This group urges filing fraud charges quickly to prevent long-term financial damage

zadidoll − Been there, done that with a family member destroying my credit, stealing money out of my bank accounts,

writing bad checks, stealing my engagement & wedding ring to pawn it (I had to pay to get out on the last day).

He needs to a report in order to fight with credit agencies & attempt to get these debts resolved.

Also place a fraud alert & lock his credit reports so no one else can use his identity. NTA

Silly_philosopher_ − NTA - where was this family member’s compassion when they stole and defaulted your husband’s credit card?

Were they thinking about you guys? You should sue him and go ahead with your plans. They had it coming!

halfwaygonetoo − I haven't read all the comments, so I don't know if you have been given this information.

Please note I've been in credit and collections for 30+ years so I hope you know that I'm giving this information from concern.

Or 2. Boyfriend pays the debt and we wait at least 2 years from the pay off date for his credit to regain some loss.

If your BF pays this bill, it will stay on his credit reports as negative credit for the next 7 YEARS

and will negatively affect his credit rating for the ENTIRE TIME it's on his credit reports. The 7 years doesn't start until the last payment is made.

With this on his credit reports, it's very unlikely he will be able to get a mortgage at all for the next 5 years.

Even when he can get one, the interest rate is going to be extremely high.

The interest rates on ANY loan he tries to take out is going to be extremely high.

Large deposits are going to be required by rental companies and utilities.

This can, and probably will, negatively affect all future employment and promotions.

If he wants to work for the government or a company that has government contracts, he simply won't be able to.

And, finally, the chances of his cousin ONLY committing fraud on 1 thing is very slim.

Chances are really great that he has done it consistently or several times.

Your fiance needs to have all 3 credit reports pulled

(Different items show up on different reports as not all companies report to the same agency)

AND have his criminal history, ID and driving records checked too to verify that they are correct.

You may want to check yours out too just to be safe.

Stoat__King − NTA at all. Do note though that the potential fraud investigation isnt that likely to be very fast in reaching a conclusion

I just mean that going down that route wont be a magic bullet to instantly get your credit way better.

embracedthegrey − NTA. Even if he pays this off, it's going to remain for some time on his credit report.

The only way to get it gone is to report fraud to the CC issuer as well as prove he cancelled that card (I hope he kept records. And you.

You need to be careful with co-mingling finances with him if this is how he treats his credit and conflict resolution.

You've just gotten a taste of bad credit affecting things. It can get much worse and last many, many years.

Notice: keep documentation on payments and cancellations for at least a year

and check your credit history and score at least once a year and more often if you are planning a big purchase. )

Seriously, keeping records is tedious but can save your bacon when things come into question.

I always keep transactions codes when verbally dealing with agencies on the phone

(I take notes- names, conversation points, amounts, auth/transactions codes- on verbal transactions/disputes on notepad then save them),

I take screen shots of online transactions as well as save prints to pdf and I save all mail/email transactions.

I have folders set up for short and long term saving and have even saved them to an external drive if they are really important and long term.

This group suspects missing details and wonders if the boyfriend knew more than he claims

sra8682 − Are you sure it’s not your boyfriend that has done the spending?

It just seems odd that the other relative paid of the debts at one point in the past.

Also surely your automatic first reaction would be anger towards the family member and you would say something straight away?

corgilover32000 − Something is hinkey here and not just the relative.

Credit card companies are masters at tracking people down when they get behind on payments.

And they use any phone number/address attributed past and present to you to try and find you to collect if this was in BF name then

I think he may have had a small inkling of something amiss before.

Think long and hard before making a life here. I’m sensing you are missing part of the story. Also NTA

This group points out that the fraud threatens their shared future, not just his credit

Old_Blue_Haired_Lady − NTA. The fraud is affecting YOU as a couple as well as your BF as an individual.

This indy just about your BF anymore. He's not taking your needs into consideration

This situation leaves readers wondering where protection ends and self-sacrifice begins. Is the boyfriend making a compassionate choice, or is he sacrificing a future home, business, and family to avoid a tough conversation?

Many sympathized with the poster, but others felt the decision reveals a deep mismatch in priorities.

So what do you think? Should a partner swallow years of consequences to spare a relative, or does accountability come first? Share your thoughts below!

Annie Nguyen

Annie Nguyen

Hi, I'm Annie Nguyen. I'm a freelance writer and editor for Daily Highlight with experience across lifestyle, wellness, and personal growth publications. Living in San Francisco gives me endless inspiration, from cozy coffee shop corners to weekend hikes along the coast. Thanks for reading!

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