He Bought a Smaller House and Says No to Letting His Ex’s Daughter Move In

A family relocation exploded into a high-tension request nobody expected. In the midst of a divorce, one man has moved his belongings into a new, more compact house with his 17-year-old daughter and suddenly his 15-year-old stepdaughter wants to move in too.

She’s upset about leaving her friends, her school, and a hometown she loves. Her mother triggered a plea: “Let her live with you this school year.”

But he balks. He’s worried about household space, fairness to his biological daughter, and the fact that the marriage is over.

Now, read the full story:

Reading this made me feel for the 15-year-old, it’s tough to leave friends and change schools when you’re at the cusp of everything life has meant so far.

But I also empathize deeply with OP: he has a daughter who counts on him, a new home built for two, and a real concern about equity and household fairness.

The moment where the ex asks him to take on parenting duties while she moves away felt like a red flag. The stepdaughter’s emotional distress is very real, but that doesn’t mean OP must take on the role, especially under these conditions.

This feeling of pulling in two directions – the emotional pull to help, and the very practical constraints of space, fairness, and legal/relational logistics is textbook for families in transition.

Let’s unpack what’s really going on here and how the research supports OP’s stance.

In blended or step families, adolescence introduces a layer of complexity. One expert from Psychology Today writes:

“An adolescent … may feel she or he has more autonomy to lose” when new roles and relationships enter the family. 
It means a 15-year-old stepchild may not readily embrace a new household, especially one where she is not originally expected. Negotiating space, identity, and belonging becomes harder.

Research also shows that children in stepfamilies adjust differently depending on how clear the roles and boundaries are. For OP, introducing the stepdaughter into a divorced household risks creating confusing boundaries: she is not his biological child, he already has a daughter he must account for, and the mother is moving away.

Moving house or changing schools during adolescence isn’t just inconvenient, it can influence well-being. A 2024 peer-reviewed study found that adolescents who moved twice or more between ages 11-17 had noticeably lower life satisfaction.

Another brief from the MacArthur Foundation noted that while younger children often recover from moves, middle childhood and early adolescence are sensitive times:

“Residential moves … impede school performance.” 
In this case, the stepdaughter faces both a move to a new state and the possibility of a household change. Her request to stay behind is understandable from her emotional viewpoint but staying behind isn’t a simple switch, it brings its own disruptions.

OP is right to ask: what about his biological daughter? She’s 17, likely dealing with the final stretch of high school, and now faces sharing a room with a non-biological peer.

Research on stepfamily networks suggests that complexity, having siblings who are not biologically related or shifting households—can bring extra conflict or adjustment issues.

Moreover, he is not the legal guardian of the 15-year-old in the same way her biological parent is. Some Redditors pointed out that raising her would involve legal, medical, and educational decisions that he may not be prepared to take on.

Here are some neutral, actionable insights for OP (and any reader in a similar situation):

• Have a joint conversation with both biological parents of the child (mother + father) and the 15-year-old. Clarify who holds decision-making rights and what the realistic logistics are.

• Recognize the stepdaughter’s feelings; they matter. Help her identify what support she needs (e.g., staying near friends, school continuity) even if she cannot move in with you.

• Prioritize fairness for the resident child. Make sure any decision you make doesn’t disadvantage your daughter or make her feel second.

• If the stepdaughter were to join your household, ensure there is clarity: room arrangements, the time-frame (is it just for a school year?), financial contributions, and how responsibilities are shared.

• Consider mediation or a family therapist skilled in blended/divorced household transitions, research shows family process (warmth, clarity of role, low conflict) matters more than mere structure.

• Set boundaries around what you can realistically offer. It’s okay to say that your home is primarily for your daughter and you can support the stepdaughter in other ways (help with the move, help find a local support network) rather than full residency.

Check out how the community responded:

Team OP defending the decision with logic and fairness.

Concerns about legal/logistical implications of taking on a stepchild post-divorce.

Sympathy for the stepdaughter’s plight but clear boundary: someone else must step up.

At the end of the day, OP made a decision that honoured the two most important things in his immediate control: the well-being of his 17-year-old daughter, and the realistic limits of the new household he built.

He didn’t ignore the stepdaughter’s pain – she’s clearly upset – but he declined the request in a way that preserves clarity for everyone.

What do you think? Was his refusal fair, practical and grounded? Or might he have found a creative compromise (like temporary stay, local support, shared room strategy) that would honour the stepdaughter’s feelings more while still protecting his daughter’s interests?