Marriage can survive a lot, stress, exhaustion, even grief, but sometimes outside influences can quietly destroy what’s left. This husband says his wife changed completely after their son was diagnosed with autism.
What began as anxiety and worry about their child slowly turned into something darker once she started therapy. According to him, every argument, decision, or disagreement is now labeled as “abuse.” His wife refuses to care for their older child, idolizes her therapist, and blames everyone else for her unhappiness.
Now, after years of walking on eggshells, he’s reached his breaking point and told her to “marry her therapist” because he’s done trying to fix what’s already shattered.
When compassion turns into control, even therapy can become a weapon
According to Dr. Alexandra Solomon, licensed psychologist and author of Loving Bravely, therapy is meant to “empower individuals to understand themselves and build healthier relationships, not to vilify the people around them.”
When a therapist consistently validates only one narrative, they risk fostering dependency instead of growth.
In this case, two scenarios could be unfolding: either the therapist is practicing irresponsibly by over-pathologizing normal relationship conflict, or the wife is misinterpreting and weaponizing therapy language to avoid accountability.
“Words like ‘abuse,’ ‘boundaries,’ and ‘gaslighting’ are powerful,” says Dr. Solomon. “But when misused, they lose meaning and can become tools of manipulation.”
Dr. David Ley, clinical psychologist and author of Ethical Practice in Modern Therapy, adds that if a therapist is truly telling a patient that their child is “emotionally abusive” at age three, that crosses professional ethics lines. “Children with neurodivergence need empathy and structure, not demonization,” Ley notes.
The concept of therapist transference, where a patient begins idealizing their therapist or seeing them as a moral authority, could also explain the wife’s behavior. “When therapy replaces family intimacy with loyalty to the therapist, that’s a red flag,” says Ley.
Experts agree that if this man’s story is accurate, he should document everything and consult both a family law attorney and, if possible, the therapist’s licensing board. Good clinicians do not label others outside of session, and they certainly do not encourage alienation or neglect.
Therapy can heal. But when it’s distorted into a hierarchy of judgment, it stops being medicine and starts becoming control disguised as care.
Here’s what people had to say to OP:
Many users roasted the therapist, calling her a “parasitic enabler” or a “lunatic”
Some commenters cheered the husband’s stand, slamming the wife for neglecting their autistic son and treating him like a “do-over”
This group urged documenting everything and reporting the therapist, warning that the wife’s behavior isn’t safe for either child
This therapist backed reporting the therapist to their licensing board
These Redditors raised concerns about the wife’s mental health
Sometimes therapy saves lives. Other times, the wrong therapist burns down an entire family. This husband didn’t insult therapy; he mourned what it took from him: a partner, a mother, and a sense of peace. His “marry your therapist” outburst wasn’t malice; it was grief in disguise.
No one deserves to live in a home where love feels like litigation. Whether she’s misled or mistreated, the damage is real and so is his exhaustion. If he’s “done,” it isn’t cruelty. It’s survival.
