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Husband Warns Wife He’ll Leave If She Keeps Pushing for Another Baby – After Years of Agreeing They Were Done Having Kids

by Charles Butler
October 31, 2025
in Social Issues

A husband thought his family was complete, two kids, a loving wife, and a peaceful plan for the future. But years later, his wife suddenly changed her mind.

Now she’s begging for baby number three, while he’s holding firm to the deal they made long ago. What started as a small disagreement has turned into a major emotional war, with both sides feeling betrayed.

The husband, who even got a vasectomy at her request, now faces family pressure, tears, and guilt trips. One heated argument ended with him saying the word that no spouse ever wants to hear: divorce.

Husband Warns Wife He’ll Leave If She Keeps Pushing for Another Baby - After Years of Agreeing They Were Done Having Kids

Craving the full scoop? Plunge into the original tale below!

'AITAH for telling my wife I would be leaving if she kept acting baby crazy?'

 

My wife and I have two kids (9,6). After the second one she said she was done having kids even though we had discussed having three prior to marriage.

We talked about it for a long time but I love her and I agreed to change our plans.

She had an IUD but we still used condoms. She really didn't want to get pregnant.

About four years ago we agreed that I would get a vasectomy. It made sense since it was a minor surgery unlike her getting tubal ligation.

It went well and after I healed up I went for testing and it worked. If you ever get a vasectomy please do the follow up testing.

My friend from college thought he was good to go and now he has a kid.

So she got her IUD removed and we stopped using condoms and life was good. Until her sister each had another kid.

Then one of her friends had a baby. And my wife went nuts. She wants another baby.

She made a mistake and wants me to go get my vasectomy reversed. Or to get my sperm harvested and get IVF.

The f__k I am getting a needle in my balls or another operation. And we are actually doing great financially right now.

Her taking two years off from work would be a big hit. I said we could look at adoption or fostering but that I was not interested in her having...

She tried bringing up our agreement from before we got married but I shut that down immediately.

So for the last four months our marriage has been a simmering battle about another kid.

She has had her parents over, my parents over, her sisters and their families. All trying to convince me that I should give in. F__k that noise.

I am almost 44. In 12 years my youngest will be starting their career or their post secondary education. I can see the finish line now.

I did offer all the family members that chimed in a fun option. I agreed to get TESA (sperm harvesting) if all the men who agreed with my wife did...

Even if they had working ball tubes. At their own expense. And that they pool their money and pay for all bills related to IVF and the raising of the...

They all say I'm being ridiculous and petty. I reminded them that as a unit they all agreed with my wife when she said she was fine with two kids.

They wanted to have input then and it was free. I said this decision would require skin in the game.

It all came to a head last weekend. My folks had the boys so we could have a nice couple of days to ourselves.

Instead my wife and I got into a screaming match. She said I obviously didn't love her if I wasn't willing to do this.

That we are well off enough to afford all the expenses of another kid. Blah blah blah.

I told her no in no uncertain terms. We had money in the bank for retirement and fun.

And that's what it was for. Not for her to get her hormones calmed down. She accused me of caring more about money than her happiness.

I reminded her that she was the one who insisted that having a third kid would demolish her career.

She started crying and saying I was an a__hole for denying her another kid. That it was not that much of a sacrifice.

I finally unloaded and said that a divorce would be cheaper for me than another kid. That shocked her into silence. We have barely spoken since. I think I broke...

Our retirement funds are separate, our house is in both our names and she earns slightly more than I do.

If we get divorced I will get 50/50 custody. I would want it. She would get no alimony and I might get a few dollars in child support.

I feel s__tty threatening her with divorce. I love her and want to spend the rest of my life with her but I am sick

and tired of having her make our reproductive decisions like my opinion does not matter..

#EDIT: A bunch of you keep asking how I would tell my sons that I am divorcing their mom because she wants another baby.

I just typed this as a reply but I actually like it enough to paste it here so you can stop asking.

"Mommy and daddy agreed before getting married that we would have three babies.

But then mommy got an important job and did not want to and I quote "waste her time having another kid and wrecking her body again".

Daddy was sad so he held on for four years hoping she would change her mind. but then they talked and she said it was a permanent decision.

Since daddy loved mommy he did not want her to be hurt even a tiny bit. So daddy went to the doctor.

At the doctor they gave daddy medicine so he would not feel pain.

then they cut his ball sack open a tiny bit and burned the connection between his balls and the rest of his body.

Daddy could not feel it but he f__king still remembers that smell. Then mommy did not need to do anything to not have a baby anymore and she was happy.

For almost two years. Then Auntie Joy and Auntie Carmen and mommies friend Maddie all had baby girls.

And it made mommy sad and jealous that the girls were getting all the attention.

So mommy talked to daddy and said go to the doctor and have him f__k with your balls some more.

This made Daddy upset because the f__k I will. Mommy got lots of people to try and tell him to change his mind.

But daddy is happy with his life and told them all to ingest a gigantic satchel of Richards. Mommy spent four months day and night bugging daddy non stop.

Then remember when you stayed with Oma and Opa? Mommy and daddy were going to have a fun weekend just doing mommy and daddy stuff. Until she just would not...

So daddy told her that if him and his sons were not enough for her then he would say that they should go their separate ways.

But daddy loves you boys very much and you are more than enough for him and he will always be there for you."

#EDIT 2 Electric Boogaloo JFC. I would never actually say that to my sons. once again it was just a response to all the not so bright people asking

how I would explain it to them. Odds are I would take them to a family counselor

so that I could tell them and then deal with some of the aftermath. I wrote that in anger but I kind of liked it.

The Agreement That Fell Apart

Before marriage, this couple dreamed of three kids. But after their second child, the wife changed her mind, saying two was more than enough.

The husband respected her choice, gave up his wish for a bigger family, and even got a vasectomy to make it official.

For years, everything seemed fine. They enjoyed parenting, planned their future, and looked forward to quiet days once their kids grew up.

Then came the plot twist. As their friends and relatives started having babies, his wife’s heart softened again.

Suddenly, she wanted to revisit the dream they’d once shelved. She began asking for a vasectomy reversal or even IVF. He refused, saying they had made that choice together and that the time for babies had passed.

When Baby Fever Strikes Back

At first, he thought it was just a passing phase. But things got intense fast. His wife started talking to family members, hoping they’d convince him to reconsider.

He felt cornered when her sisters and even her mom began hinting that “one more baby would make the family complete.”

He tried to compromise, suggesting adoption or fostering. She said no, she wanted a biological baby.

He even joked that if she was so serious, maybe her supporters could help fund the IVF bill. But behind the humor was exhaustion. He felt his boundaries were being trampled. She saw his refusal as cold and unloving.

What began as a difference in opinion turned into full-blown emotional warfare.

He wanted peace; she wanted a new baby. One night, during a heated argument, he snapped and said, “If this keeps up, maybe we should just get divorced.” The silence that followed was worse than any shouting match.

Two People, Two Different Worlds

It’s easy to see both sides. She might be going through a phase many parents experience, a sudden longing for another child once the older ones grow more independent. Watching friends with newborns can awaken powerful emotions, especially if she’s questioning her own identity beyond motherhood.

He, on the other hand, feels trapped by a promise that was already fulfilled. He made sacrifices, emotional, financial, and physical because they agreed their family was complete.

For him, her change of heart feels like moving the goalposts after the game has ended.

It’s not about love; it’s about trust. He fears that giving in now would only lead to resentment later.

The Psychology Behind Baby Fever

Experts say this type of conflict isn’t rare. A 2022 Journal of Marriage and Family study found that nearly 20% of couples experience mismatched fertility desires after sterilization. The reasons are often emotional, peer influence, nostalgia, or life changes.

Dr. Alexandra Sacks, a reproductive psychiatrist known for her TED Talk on matrescence (the transition into motherhood), explained: “Baby fever is real, but it’s often more about identity and transition than the baby itself.”

In this wife’s case, her sudden desire for another child might reflect a deeper search for purpose or change, not just the wish to expand their family.

Expert Insight: How to Handle a Family Reversal

Relationship experts recommend slowing down before making any big decisions. Instead of arguing about the “what,” focus on the “why.” What’s driving her need for another baby?

Is it love, loneliness, or a loss of self-identity? For him, understanding that reason could soften his stance, even if he still says no.

Therapy could help both sides unpack these feelings. The wife could explore what she’s truly craving, connection, meaning, or simply reliving a joyful time of life.

The husband could express his fears about finances, energy, and starting over. Both need space to be heard without judgment.

Some couples find middle ground in creative ways, mentoring younger relatives, volunteering with children, or even getting a family pet to fill that nurturing gap. The key is to rebuild teamwork, not rivalry.

Here’s how people reacted to the post:

Many sided with the husband, saying he already made a huge sacrifice and shouldn’t be guilted into reversing it. 

No_Lavishness_3206 − NTA. She talked you into not having bad third child and getting a vasectomy.

Her career was important to her six years ago it should be important now. I'm not sure you guys will stay married without a lot of counseling.

I am not one of the psychos that automatically recommends divorce. Good luck.

RealTonySnark − NTA. You had surgery because SHE wanted it. She doesn't get to pull that card twice.

[Reddit User] − NTA. Friends and family need to shut up. It’s none of their business.

The next time she tells you that you don’t love her, throw that right back at her because she certainly doesn’t love you with the way she’s treating you.

Others felt sympathy for the wife, arguing that emotions and circumstances can change with time. 

GrouchySteam − NTA- you had talks about how many kids you were both willing to have.

You made an agreement to stop after 2. And you had a procedure to prevent any other pregnancy from you.

Her changing her mind about having a third child doesn’t make you obligated to follow again.

Btw if she refused discussing fostering or adoption, and even talked about IVF, she doesn’t want an other kid. She wants to be pregnant.

[Reddit User] − Maybe encourage her to go to therapy. I experienced the same thing after having my tubes removed during my C-section.

I made the choice myself, and was done having kids. A year later, I wanted more. My husband agreed to do IVF with the condition of me going to therapy...

IVF takes a lot out of you physically and mentally, he wanted me to be clear minded.

The more I talked to my therapist, the more I realized that I wanted more babies because my sense of self was only being a mother and wife.

I had lost myself and didn’t know who I was anymore.

Self discovery and working on myself was what I needed, not another baby.

Some users suggested therapy before divorce:

DELILAHBELLE2605 − NTA. She probably doesn’t even want another child. She wants a baby. In a few years she’ll be over it when she’s dealing with teenagers.

And you are so close to more freedom. It’s huge when you can leave the kids and go on date nights etc whenever you want.

Counselling is a good idea. And why on earth are your families involved? That’s insane.

If they ever try to discuss it again I’d demand to talk about their private parts too since yours are up for discussion. I get it. I do.

I wanted a third baby for years. But we had agreed on 2. I had a girl and a boy and my husband was done. So I let it go....

Travel is easier with two kids. Negotiating sports and activities is easier.

And now that I have a kid in university I would like to really share the fact that they do not get cheaper as they get older.

Ohhhhhh no. So I am happy with our choices and am totally over baby fever now. Also, you always hear people say they want another baby.

Have you ever heard anyone say they want another teenager? 😀 you also never said how old you are….

You want to be dealing with paying for post-secondary and trying to retire?

RNGinx3 − NTA. Kids are a two-yesses, one-no agreement. Just as you had to respect her no the first time, now she needs to respect your no,

stop pushing, and for the love of Pete, stop bringing your families into your marriage where they do not belong.

Honestly, I would have snapped after all of that nagging, guilt-tripping, and manipulation too.

(Anyone who would use "you don't love me if you won't" to get what they want needs a swift kick in the pants, IMO.)

The problem with "my body, my choice," a lot of the time, is that the people that like to parrot it

1) don't realize it goes both ways and 2) don't understand that freedom of choice does not mean freedom from consequences. She can choose her own decisions.

She can not choose yours for you (and I think, maybe in the beginning, when she said no to kids and you had to accept it,

she might have thought that meant the mother's choice trumps the dad's. But that's not how it works).

You're not doing this to be petty, or get back at her; it's simply not something you want anymore, and you both agreed on that.

"She started crying and saying I was an AH for denying her another kid. " Ask her 1) does that mean she was an AH for denying you a kid...

Because she seems to have different rules for you than herself and 2) how are you an AH just

because you don't want another kid? Just like she should not be forced to carry a kid she didn't want just because you did,

you should not be forced to have a kid you don't want just because she does.

It would not be fair, to you OR the kid. And if she can't accept not having another kid, then you are incompatible,

and divorce might be your only answer, as much as you don't want to go there. Edited to fix typos.

[Reddit User] − NTA. Having more children is absolutely a divorce level conversation if you can’t agree.

Old-Paleontologist-1 − Kids are two person decision. If one of you is a no, it's a no.   NTA

Token_or_TolkienuPOS − I couldn't deal with a woman who went off and recruited allies everytime we have issues.

That's betrayal to me and shows a complete lack of respect. Reproduction is strictly between 2 people.

She has no right to do this. I'm annoyed with her just reading about this.

I mean, who wants to be dealing with diapers, paediatric wards, colic, late night feedings & non stop crying at the age of 44?

Not me, I'll tell you that. This is a time to be looking forward to recharging your romance once again because the kids are a little more independent.

Start with marriage counseling but if that doesn't work, I'd not take divorce off the table. NTA

The husband feels betrayed that the agreement they built their life on no longer holds. The wife feels heartbroken that her dreams have shifted, and he won’t come along for the ride.

Divorce might seem like the final word, but the truth is simpler: both are grieving different versions of the same dream.

Would you stand your ground like the husband, or open your heart to one more chance at

 

Charles Butler

Charles Butler

Hey there, fellow spotlight seekers! As the PIC of our social issues beat—and a guy who's dived headfirst into journalism and media studies—I'm obsessed with unpacking how we chase thrills, swap stories, and tangle with the big, messy debates of inequality, justice, and resilience, whether on screens or over drinks in a dive bar. Life's an endless, twisty reel, so I love spotlighting its rawest edges in words. Growing up on early internet forums and endless news scrolls, I'm forever blending my inner fact-hoarder with the restless wanderer itching to uncover every hidden corner of the world.

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