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Man Asks Female Co-Worker To Leave Him Alone, Sparks Misogyny Debate

by Katy Nguyen
September 23, 2025
in Social Issues

OP, who struggles with discomfort around women due to past trauma, tries to limit interactions with a new female co-worker who persistently attempts to befriend him.

After politely avoiding her, he asks her to leave him alone, only for her to lash out, calling him misogynistic. OP, in therapy for his issues, wonders if he’s wrong for prioritizing his comfort.

This story probes workplace boundaries and personal trauma. Is OP the asshole for his request? Let’s dive into the details and see what the online community thinks.

Man Asks Female Co-Worker To Leave Him Alone, Sparks Misogyny Debate

'AITA for asking a female co-worker if they could possibly leave me alone?'

Long story short, I am not exactly comfortable around women, and I do what I can to minimize my interactions with females as much as I can.

Has nothing to do with capabilities or anything; I just get extremely uncomfortable.

We have a new hire who has been trying to get to know people around the office better, and I happen to just excuse myself when she comes around.

Thankfully, I work in the field a lot, so I am often alone.

So it does not happen often, but when I do come to the office, she keeps trying to befriend or talk to me.

I am civil and polite. I say hello and can handle idle chit-chat, even if it is visibly uncomfortable for me.

She brought this up with my friend in the office, and he explained the situation, and since then, it seems she has made it her mission to have me open...

On Friday, I asked if she could leave me alone, please, as I have no intention of becoming her friend or opening up.

She lashed out and called me a misogynistic a**hole. I thought it over the weekend, and it has been racking my brain.

Am I really the a**hole for not wanting to put myself in uncomfortable situations if I can avoid it?

If I have to take her out in the field or help explain my drafts, I will push through, since it is work-related.

I still get uncomfortable, but it is what it is. Those are situations I cannot avoid, but general interactions, I do not think it is wrong of me to limit...

On the other hand, I also understand this is my problem; I go to therapy, but that only does so much.

This is something rooted in trauma, and I am not comfortable writing about it. She should not be punished for my own issues. So AITA?.

Update: Thanks for all the replies was not expecting this many. I am going to talk to my boss about this since we have to head up to NY. So...

I do not want to bring this up with HR cause I do not want her to get reprimanded or written up over a first offense.

I will see what my boss has to say. She is a talented drafter. I do not want to lose her over this. I will provide an update after this...

This story highlights a conflict between personal boundaries and workplace professionalism. OP’s right to set boundaries due to trauma is valid, but singling out a female co-worker risks violating workplace anti-discrimination or anti-bullying policies.

HR expert Dr. Kenneth Matos notes, “Personal issues at work must not lead to unfair treatment based on gender or other protected characteristics” (SHRM Workplace Culture).

OP’s therapy efforts are commendable, but he needs strategies to engage professionally, like treating all colleagues neutrally. The co-worker’s push to make him open up was misguided, and her misogyny accusation was unconstructive.

Both could benefit from management or HR mediation. OP should continue therapy and consider discreetly discussing his challenges with his boss for support.

This case underscores balancing mental health with workplace responsibilities and fostering fair interactions.

Here’s the input from the Reddit crowd:

Reddit is split, with some supporting OP’s boundaries and others criticizing his approach as unprofessional. Here’s a roundup of reactions.

Some criticize OP for treating women differently.

CuriousCuriousAlice − Eh ESH. You have a right to decline to engage in personal conversations, but you acknowledge that when she comes around, you walk away and you treat her...

That’s where you became an issue. If you’re unpleasant to everyone and refuse to speak personally with everyone, that’s totally fine, but you are genuinely describing singling her out.

That is a problem; it’s against nearly every workplace policy, and you can get in huge trouble for it.

Further to that, the historic and current oppression women face does matter, even if your intentions aren’t misogynistic.

Imagine if you were doing this to a POC, it would be a huge red flag to your employer and open them up to liability.

You are free to avoid whoever you like in your personal life, but at work, you have to do your level best to treat everyone the same.

You can be antisocial to everyone, or you can stop being antisocial to her specifically. She also shouldn’t attempt to be your friend; that’s why she sucks.

You don’t have to be friends with anyone, but again, you are singling her specifically out for an immutable and protected characteristic, by your own admission.

This is not okay in a workplace. You’ll have to find another way to be comfortable and at least polite.

For what it’s worth, I work in HR, and the specific violations are under harassment, anti-bullying, and anti-discrimination policy.

You may want to check what your employer and state say specifically, but I know nearly every training I have given and taken has mentioned singling someone out, especially for...

Edit: And yes, these rules do extend to non-work-related conversations.

If I’m talking to three people at the water cooler and every time you come around, I end the conversation and disperse the group by being “visibly uncomfortable” - I...

I would still be subject to anti-bullying discipline. Which is fair, honestly.

If you’re professional to someone but make every “good morning” a living hell for them, it is a problem that affects their ability to do their job.

It’s not high school, where you’re allowed to have cliques where people are made to feel not included.

Funnily enough, these rules are a result of women being locked out of promotions and similar perks because they weren’t included in boys' clubs.

So cliques are taken seriously in many workplaces, and should be.

gottaaskyaknow − Literally, most women have experienced trauma at the hands of men, and we still have to be polite to them.

I'm mentally ill with severe anxiety, so I'm not trying to be dismissive, but you can't just treat an entire half of the world differently based on an arbitrary characteristic.

People here would have a lot less sympathy if it were your black or gay coworker you were this uncomfortable around.

ESH, and I genuinely wish you well in your healing journey.

Some empathize but stress professional responsibility.

KronkLaSworda − You need therapy. You will have many female coworkers. You will have female bosses.

You will never have female employees because you won't get promoted until you fix these issues you have.

You are limiting yourself and alienating your coworkers. This will be noticed. Good luck.

Dawn_In_Danger − YTA. Not for having boundaries, but for not working on your issues with women.

Are you going to only work jobs where you don’t deal with women for the rest of your life? Remember when Mike Pence refused to be alone with women in...

That meant that he was denying women professional access to him, which IS misogynistic. Get some therapy and stop calling women “females.”

Chilledmilkie − Honestly, I’d say YTA. It would be my biggest dream to say this to my co-worker if they were annoying, but instead, I decided to exit the situation...

Her talking to you in order to build a good rapport with her teammate is normal, even though it’s annoying.

She wants you to see her as a human being. You telling her that you don’t want to know her as a person because she’s a woman is not normal.

You said in your own post that you barely see her most of the time. You’re at work and just like you would handle a client, you handle a co-worker.

If she gets to a point that crosses the line, inform management.

Edit: Things already said: “What if the role reversed?” It would still be bad, “Why women can do this but not men.”

They can’t unless they properly disclose this beforehand. If it does happen, then bad “You hate men.” No, I really don’t.

I know there are issues that men have that I will never understand or will try to invalidate or say my struggles are worse than men's, because we are all...

“She should have left him alone.” She was not appropriately notified about his trauma. His friend's explanation is not sufficient. This should have been mediated by management.

Basictakes − OP, will not pass judgment since this seems to be fueled by trauma. That being said, ask yourself this:

How would your reasoning fly if it were against another protected class? "I cannot be around POC because of a past trauma." Does not fly.

Jobeytown − YTA, women are people. Calling them “females” is so crude. WOMEN ARE PEOPLE. Ffs.

Agree with others who recommend therapy. I don’t know what’s happened to you, but it’s not normal. Good luck.

ACAB_easy_as_123 − YTA, excluding women from socialization is exactly what misogynistic workforces have always done.

It sets them back in office politics, and it leads to them being passed over for promotions that they are deserving of.

While at work, you need to work to overcome your hang-ups.

And honestly, playing a long a little bit would probably have resolved this situation with a lot less personal interaction than what you now have to deal with.

FatLeeAdama2 − YTA and I would fire you. If your work communication behavior is based on anything related to gender, race, or a bunch of other things.

Find a different company. You need to be capable of communicating with humans and treating all humans equally.

A few defend OP’s right to set boundaries.

AlvinOwlHirt − NTA. You are being polite. You are being professional. You are willing to put aside your discomfort for work purposes and basic manners.

What is really rude is someone who knows you have a problem making it their mission (without any real information, no less! ) to make you change.

That has nothing to do with work and is super unprofessional on her part.

[Reddit User] − Anyone who calls women females has always been the a**hole, in my experience.

NatashOverWorld − If it were reversed and a man was trying to befriend a woman who was uncomfortable around men, Reddit would be ready to lynch that hypothetical dude.

No, you can avoid people you dislike, and even ask to be left alone. Misogyny is hating women, but you're closer to gynophobia, afraid of women. NTA.

hannahbaba − INFO NEEDED: What are some actual examples of her trying to “befriend” you?

Does she frequently interrupt your work? Does she attempt any physical contact? The info you’ve given so far is very vague.

bobbelcherskid − YTA. I have trauma with men too... my boss just told me they are moving a new guy into my office, and guess what.

I just dealt with it. My trauma is NOT his problem, it’s mine.

Mysterious_Salt_247 − This is not sustainable. You choose to work around people.

Whether you intend it to or not, your behavior and aversion to women could hurt the women around you professionally.

OP isn’t entirely wrong for asking his female co-worker to leave him alone due to personal discomfort, but his visible avoidance of women risks workplace policy violations and perceptions of unfairness.

Reddit’s divided, with some supporting his boundaries and others urging him to address his trauma for professional integration. How can OP navigate this without impacting his co-worker or career? Have you faced challenges setting workplace boundaries? Share your stories!

Katy Nguyen

Katy Nguyen

Hey there! I’m Katy Nguyễn, a writer at Dailyhighlight.com. I’m a woman in my 30s with a passion for storytelling and a degree in Journalism. My goal is to craft engaging, heartfelt articles that resonate with our readers, whether I’m diving into the latest lifestyle trends, exploring travel adventures, or sharing tips on personal growth. I’ve written about everything from cozy coffee shop vibes to navigating career changes with confidence. When I’m not typing away, you’ll likely find me sipping a matcha latte, strolling through local markets, or curled up with a good book under fairy lights. I love sunrises, yoga, and chasing moments of inspiration.

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