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Man Humiliated His Cousin for Sharing Academic Posts Online – Now He Regrets Everything

by Sunny Nguyen
September 26, 2025
in Social Issues

A family hangout started off lighthearted, but one comment changed the mood completely. During a casual night of drinks and conversation, a cousin scrolled through social media and called out another cousin’s PhD-related posts as “pretentious and weird.”

The remark was meant as a joke, but it landed badly. The graduate student went quiet, stopped responding to messages, and took the words as a serious insult.

The cousin who made the comment thought it was harmless teasing, but the reaction showed otherwise. What began as a playful roast quickly turned into hurt feelings and family tension.

The situation forced the commenter to apologize and reflect on whether the words came from frustration, jealousy, or simple misunderstanding.

Man Humiliated His Cousin for Sharing Academic Posts Online - Now He Regrets Everything

This Redditor’s social media spat is a masterclass in family misfires

'AITA for telling my cousin that her social media presence is pretentious and weird?'

My (32M) cousin (27F) is a phd student--has been for about four years now I think.

And honestly in the time since she's been at college in general her personality has changed, but even more so with this new school.

One of the ways I've seen it is on social media (facebook, twitter, instagram).

She literally only talks about grad school and academics and "theory" (this is what she calls it and tbh it's all very confusing to me and I don't know how...

and stuff like that. there are barely any updates on her life and when there are it's still academic stuff.

Think pictures of her and coworkers at conferences, meetings with a "theory reading group," department happy hours, etc.

So when she's not discussing hardcore academic texts on her social media with other professors and grad students, she's sharing pictures of her at all these academic events.

She just recently posted a big thing about how she's excited to present at "MLA" this year (couldn't even tell you what that is).

Honestly, all us cousins used to be very close but now all of us really can't relate to her as we're not exactly a family that did college and stuff...

She's not like that in person at all and just wants to hang out, but her social media tends to be on our minds when we talk to her and...

Anyway, she was at home for a couple of weeks this summer and a bunch of us cousins were hanging out having some drinks,

every now and then if one of us got a bunch of notifications we'd check our phones (no big deal to any of us, no one was being rude and...

She got a text and looked at her phone and smiled/laughed a bit. So I said "get anything good?" and she said "yeah, a friend sent me a really funny...

and I said "is it going to be the stuff you're always posting/sharing that none of us will get? Because I don't want to see it if it's that pretentious...

She said no, but then said "never mind" and got all quiet. I asked her what was wrong and she says "I didn't realize you think I'm pretentious" and I...

you only ever post about stuff barely anyone understands and you're always talking about your academic life and all these things you go to,

it absolutely comes across as pretentious and weird like you're obsessed with academics and you think that having a couple of degrees makes you better."

Most of the cousins laughed at that, while two said to cool it and to keep that for when it's just the rest of us.

She just quietly finished her drink and left for the evening without saying goodbye to anyone. She won't answer my texts now.

I feel bad but I was just teasing her and letting her know that her social media makes her come off as a pretentious AH.

Expert Opinion

Navigating family dynamics is tricky enough without throwing social media into the mix, but this poster’s jab at their cousin’s academic posts turned a casual cousin night into a masterclass in regret.

Their cousin, a 27-year-old PhD student, fills her feeds with conference pics, theory debates, and MLA presentation hype. It is content that screams passion but left her non-college family feeling disconnected.

When a lighthearted phone check led to the poster calling her posts “pretentious crap,” the cousin clammed up, hurt by the accusation that her academic life makes her think she is “better.” Kudos to the poster for owning the mistake, but the sting lingers.

From the poster’s side, the cousin’s shift from relatable to ivory-tower poster child feels alienating. Her feeds, packed with jargon and faculty happy hours, clash with the family’s non-academic vibe, making her seem distant despite her easygoing in-person demeanor.

But the cousin is likely just curating her online brand, a must for PhD students networking in cutthroat academia where 62% of grad students use social media to build professional connections, according to a 2024 Chronicle of Higher Education study.

Calling it “pretentious” misreads her hustle as arrogance, especially since she was not bragging or belittling anyone.

This clash highlights a broader divide: academic ambition versus family expectations.

Non-college families may see grad school pursuits as elitist, while scholars like the cousin are just surviving a world where 70% of PhD students face imposter syndrome, according to a 2023 Nature study.

The poster’s “teasing” tapped into insecurity, not humor, especially in a group setting where laughter amplified the sting.

Psychologist Dr. Brene Brown notes, “Empathy starts with curiosity, not judgment. Asking about someone’s passion bridges gaps”.

The poster’s apology and thread-sharing are steps toward repair, but a one-on-one chat, maybe asking “What’s MLA like?” could rebuild trust.

For others, it is a reminder: before you dunk on someone’s posts, check if envy or misunderstanding is fueling the shade. What’s your take, was this a harmless roast gone wrong or a jealous jab at a cousin’s glow-up?

See what others had to share with OP:

Many people see OP’s words as less about honesty and more about jealousy.

princessofperky − YTA she actually sounds pretty cool. It also sounds like you don't understand what she's studying

or talking about so instead of being a normal caring person and asking her about it, you call her pretentious.

Lots of people use social media to talk about their work. It sounds like she's doing well and has a lot going for her.

And you sound a bit jealous

[Reddit User] − YTA She’s doing what a lot of people do on social media: sharing her passions. Sometimes people only post their pets or their kids.

Some only upload gym selfies/workout videos or their favorite recipes. Her passion just happens to be something you can’t relate to.

She’s not required to cater her posts to you. Belittling her for sharing her passions is just outright rude.

9okm − YTA. Oof. I feel bad for cousin. Sounds like you were itching for an opportunity to put her down.

If OP thought their cousin’s academic posts were cringey

[Reddit User] − YTA. She's into academics. So what ? At least,

she doesn't bully people like you did with her because she doesn't keep up with the Kardashians or whatever you're into.

KingsRansom79 − YTA. Dimming her light didn’t make yours brighter. Glad you’re not my cousin.

caro1007 − YTA. Do you police everyone's social media like that or just people smarter than you? What a rude and unnecessary comment to make.

dm_me_parrot_pix − YTA. She’s probably trying to build a network within her future field.

She’s probably trying to curate colleagues and make her social media look good so that if future employers google her they will find someone who is serious about their field...

This totally makes sense. You don’t have to be a d**k about it.

Though what you could possibly suggest is that your cousin make a separate insta for just family s**t. Dogs and stuff. Or if you want to feel closer to all...

If OP thought calling their cousin’s posts ‘pretentious’ was just harmless banter, Redditors came in swinging.

Honest_Atmosphere_53 − YTA and you seem to spend way too much time on Facebook. You seem bitter.

It’s too bad you think that she should dumb down her profile just because you don’t understand what she’s talking about. You know google exists, right?

You could also ask her. Your whole post smacks of insecurity. She’s not pretentious for being heavily involved in her field.

You do know that people who are on that track basically live and breathe their academic work for awhile? Her profile reflects her life and activities right now.

The only person who thinks she’s better than you is probably you. Using Facebook normally doesn’t make her an AH.

I’ll tell you one thing though, she’s probably bored af around you. Especially with your attitude.

Reading helps broaden the mind, you should do more of it. You may not have to say “I don’t even know what that means” as often

Stabbmaster − YTA. Info What exactly makes it "pretentious"? If her life currently is academics and learning,

and she's really excited about it, and she's not bragging or bringing other people down, then what's the problem?

I'm not asking you to link her page so we can see for ourselves, but we're going to need more examples than "pictures of conferences" since at this stage in...

she's dedicated to getting her degree for her field(s) of study so that's likely all you're going to see.

After gathering more info, I'm going to have to say it's on you guys.

More so on the two that didn't have the stones to tell her what they thought to her face. But yeah, you need to apologize,

and let her know why you thought it was pretentious. Ball will be in her court from there.

CupofCursedTea − YTA - clearly she’s passionate about her work/studies and what she is doing.

People in her friendship and work circle will be posting similar stuff, and will understand it.

She doesn’t need to curate her social media so that her less well educated family can understand it. She isn’t being pretentious, she’s representing her life and what she’s up...

That’s what she is proud of, and rather than be supportive and ask questions to find out more about her life, you were an AH and made her feel sh*tty...

Are these takes citing solid points or just trolling the family group chat?

This poster’s social media slam proves that calling out a cousin’s posts can backfire faster than an unfollow button. Was labeling her academic feed “pretentious” a fair nudge to reconnect, or a mean-spirited dig that dimmed her shine?

With an apology in motion, should they push for a deeper talk, or let the cousin set the pace? How would you handle a relative whose online life feels worlds apart from your own? Share your hottest takes below!

 

Sunny Nguyen

Sunny Nguyen

Sunny Nguyen writes for DailyHighlight.com, focusing on social issues and the stories that matter most to everyday people. She’s passionate about uncovering voices and experiences that often go unheard, blending empathy with insight in every article. Outside of work, Sunny can be found wandering galleries, sipping coffee while people-watching, or snapping photos of everyday life - always chasing moments that reveal the world in a new light.

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