Old wounds have a way of staying open when pride and hurt never truly heal. One Redditor asked if he was wrong for refusing to visit home after his parents welcomed back his ex–best friend, the same girl who’d once rejected his teenage advances.
What started as a simple childhood friendship spiraled into emotional tension, resentment, and now, a full-blown family standoff. But Reddit didn’t see him as the wronged party. They saw a boy who’d never grown past rejection.
A man refuses to visit his parents after they take in his former best friend, a girl he pressured into a brief teenage “relationship” years ago
In this case, the Original Poster (OP) is faced with a moral and emotional dilemma: their former friend, Jen, who previously caused emotional harm, is now living with the OP’s parents under conditions they consider restrictive yet insufficient to mitigate past grievances.
According to research on family systems, parents sometimes extend support to extended or surrogate family members, especially when those individuals face vulnerability, even if it conflicts with other family members’ comfort levels (Bowen Theory, 2016).
Forgiveness is often culturally and socially encouraged, but psychologists emphasize that personal boundaries are equally critical for maintaining emotional health.
Dr. Rubin Khoddam, a clinical psychologist, notes: “Forgiveness does not require proximity or continual interaction; it is an internal process, not an obligation to tolerate harm or compromise your well-being.”
The OP’s refusal to visit their parents while Jen resides there is a form of boundary-setting, signaling self-protection while communicating the seriousness of past harm.
From a social perspective, this scenario touches on the challenge of blended or extended family support. Parents may feel torn between supporting a vulnerable individual and preserving family harmony.
The expert consensus suggests that the OP is not in the wrong for maintaining their boundaries. However, constructive dialogue with their parents is advisable.
Options include: establishing clear visitation rules, requesting that visits occur only when Jen is not present, or using mediated family sessions to express feelings and seek compromise. This approach balances emotional safety, relational loyalty, and realistic expectations.
Here’s the feedback from the Reddit community:
These commenters agreed that OP was completely in the wrong, emphasizing that coercing someone into a date isn’t “convincing”, it’s harassment
This group dissected OP’s story line by line, pointing out the manipulative behavior hidden under soft language
These Redditors offered the most detailed moral perspective, explaining that Jen’s trust and safety were betrayed
Would you have made the same choice in his parents’ shoes or drawn the line like he did? And is forgiveness ever owed, or simply offered when we’re ready to grow? Share your thoughts below.
