Marriage often sounds simple in theory, but real life tends to complicate everything. When one partner struggles, the other is usually expected to step up, stay patient, and hold things together. Over time, though, that balance can quietly shift until love starts to feel more like obligation and exhaustion replaces connection.
That is what happened to one Redditor after a fight about traveling opened the door to much bigger issues at home. What started as a complaint about stressful trips soon uncovered deeper problems involving mental health, boundaries, parenting, and responsibility.
The original poster explains how much has changed in just one month and why, despite visible progress, he feels worse than ever. As he tries to protect his child and keep his marriage intact, readers are left questioning how much one person is expected to sacrifice before something has to give. Scroll down to read his full update.
After a travel fight, a husband pushes therapy and rules, but feels emptier each day
OP later posted an update:
Many people are raised to believe that love means staying, especially when things are hard. Walking away is often framed as failure, while endurance is praised as loyalty. Over time, this belief can push someone to keep giving even when the relationship stops feeling mutual and starts feeling draining.
In this story, the poster is not just frustrated with travel or household clutter. He is caught in a painful emotional bind between commitment to his wife, responsibility to his child, and the slow erosion of his own well-being. His actions reflect a deep sense of duty.
He organizes therapy, enforces routines, cleans relentlessly, and absorbs stress so his family does not have to. On the surface, these efforts appear successful.
His wife seems happier and more stable. Internally, however, he feels empty, resentful, and emotionally detached. The imbalance lies in how much responsibility he has quietly taken on alone.
Many readers interpret his behavior as admirable self-sacrifice, but psychology offers another lens. This pattern closely resembles overfunctioning, a dynamic where one partner compensates excessively for the other’s struggles. Overfunctioning often stems from fear.
Fear that stepping back will cause harm, fear of being seen as cruel, or fear of what might happen if control is released. For many people, especially men socialized to fix problems, action feels safer than sitting with emotional uncertainty. Control becomes a coping strategy rather than a solution.
According to Psychology Today, overfunctioning in relationships often leads to emotional exhaustion and resentment because one partner consistently takes on responsibility that should be shared. The site explains that while this dynamic may reduce short-term conflict, it can prevent growth and reinforce dependency, ultimately damaging intimacy and emotional balance.
When applied to this situation, the poster’s misery becomes easier to understand. His exhaustion is not a lack of love or patience. It is the predictable outcome of carrying emotional and practical weight that no one person can sustain indefinitely.
By constantly stepping in, he may also be unintentionally delaying his wife’s ability to build internal accountability and long-term coping skills.
Ultimately, this story raises an uncomfortable but necessary question. Supporting a partner with mental illness does not require self-erasure. Commitment does not mean unlimited endurance.
Protecting a child includes protecting the emotional environment they grow up in. Sometimes, doing one’s best means recognizing that continuing in the same way may cause more harm than change.
Check out how the community responded:
These commenters agreed OP is doing all the work while the wife avoids real change
These Redditors urged OP to leave, saying the marriage is already emotionally over
These users warned OP’s burnout risks harming the child and urged custody planning
![[Reddit User] − Please file for divorce and full custody. She is not interested in changing because YOU are still the one doing all the work.](https://dailyhighlight.com/wp-content/uploads/2025/12/wp-editor-1765688248663-2.webp "Man Tries Therapy To Save Marriage, Can’t Believe How Lonely It Makes Him Feel")
These commenters backed OP legally, advising promotion acceptance and legal safeguards
These Redditors argued the wife must manage her ADHD and stop shifting responsibility
This commenter shared personal experience, stressing recovery requires the hoarder’s effort
This user suggested practical compromises like paid help or structured separation
This update reads less like a victory lap and more like a slow burn toward a breaking point. OP did everything “right” therapy, boundaries, money, and effort yet peace still feels out of reach.
Many readers sympathized with his resolve to honor marriage vows and protect his daughter, while others worried he’s sacrificing himself to prove he tried hard enough. So what’s the line between commitment and self-erasure?
Is giving it until 2026 admirable patience or delaying the inevitable? How long would you carry someone else’s illness before choosing yourself? Share your thoughts below.
