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Newlywed Rejects Shady Promotion Without Consulting Husband, Leaving Him Fuming Over Her Career Choice

by Jeffrey Stone
November 5, 2025
in Social Issues

A 27-year-old software engineer, fresh off wedding bells and a cushy $120k gig, got offered a Program Manager bump with zero pay details – just HR’s shady “we’ll figure it out.” She smelled the trap and said no. Her construction-manager husband lost it, raging over the missed title, turning their honeymoon phase into a full-blown resume war.

Reddit’s AITA is on fire: half cheer her for dodging corporate crumbs, half roast her for snubbing ambition. The thread’s a battlefield of “protect your worth” versus “think of the LinkedIn flex,” leaving everyone yelling about red flags, on the job and in the marriage.

A software engineer’s refusal of a shady promotion causes a marital spat.

Newlywed Rejects Shady Promotion Without Consulting Husband, Leaving Him Fuming Over Her Career Choice
Not the actual photo.

'AITA for saying no to a promotion? I'm newly married and my husband is upset?'

I'm a software engineer and my husband works in construction management.

I grew up broke af so honestly I feel like I'm loaded right now. I make 120k and my husband makes 80k.

I've gone from counting literal pennies because my budget was that tight, to not having to worry about buying anything we need.

So at work, when my boss offered me a Program Manager position, but said that my salary would be reviewed at the next review cycle...

I went and got a drink with the guy who has that job now, and the guy who had the job before him.

The current guy said he was screwed out of a raise, he took the promotion when it was implied one was coming and it never came.

And the guy before him? He was making less than I am currently in the role and kept getting his requests for raises rejected.

That night, I told my husband about my day, and how I wasn't sure if I should take the promotion.

We talked a bit, and he thought I should, just for my resume.

The next morning, I asked my boss what the salary for the promotion would be, and he said that it would be up to HR in the next review cycle.

I'd heard that that tends to be the absolute minimum they can get away with -

and honestly that role on the job market was valued at 150-180k so I'd be majorly undervalued.

I was starting to think I'd have to be a sucker to take that offer.

So I told my boss I was grateful to be considered, but I was not comfortable taking on any role

until the terms of employment including compensation were more fully defined.

He said his hands were tied - HR wouldn't renegotiate until the next quarter.

I came home and told my husband I declined the promotion. And he was surprisingly mad about it;

he said it was something we should have talked about instead of me just going on my own. And that I knew he didn't agree with me!

I said that I knew my job, the financials weren't looking good, and you can't get water from a stone.

And if I took that, I'd be doubling my workload for nothing.

He said I'd have something for my resume that'd let me negotiate a higher pay elsewhere, since it'd open up other management jobs for me.

I said I liked being an individual contributor, I wouldn't enjoy management, so that wasn't something I cared about.

He said "it's all about you, isn't it" and was upset because we're married now

and I was impacting both of our financial futures since I didn't want a "hard job"

And that it was normal to take on additional responsibilities and then have a salary review -

I just didn't know because I'm too young (27 to his 33) and have never been promoted since I job hop too much.

I said it was an old-school way of thinking to slave away for free on the hope you'll be rewarded -

I tried that at my first two jobs and that's why I quit! All it does is tells them you're cheap and gullible!

He called me naive and said I was too idealistic... AITA for declining the promotion?

Let’s be real: a promotion without a pay bump is like being offered a “free” vacation that’s all-you-can-eat paperwork.

Our Redditor did her homework, sipping drinks with colleagues who spilled the tea on this Program Manager role – spoiler: it’s a workload avalanche with pennies for raises.

She’s not just dodging a bullet, she’s sidestepping a corporate cannonball. Her logic? Why double your stress for a title that’s more “meh” than “money”? Smart move, if you ask me.

Now, her husband’s got a point. A fancier title could open doors to cushier gigs elsewhere, especially in management.

But here’s the rub: she loves coding, not herding cats in meetings. Forcing her into a role she’d hate is like making a chef scrub dishes for “experience.”

Plus, her $120k salary already has them living large compared to her broke-as-a-joke past. So why risk burnout for a maybe-raise that HR’s dangling like a carrot on a stick?

The real spice is her husband’s meltdown. Calling her “naive” and implying she’s selfish for prioritizing her happiness? Ouch.

Marriage is a team sport, sure, but it’s her career, her 9-to-5 grind. His “you’re too young to get it” jab feels like a low blow, especially since she’s job-hopped her way to success while he’s preaching old-school “work now, reward later” vibes. Newsflash: loyalty doesn’t always pay the bills, especially when companies play cheap.

This saga screams workplace reality check. Too many employers dangle promotions like shiny bait, hoping you’ll bite without checking the fine print.

Our Redditor’s refusal isn’t just savvy, it’s a power move for anyone who’s ever been burned by corporate promises.

But her husband’s reaction? That’s a conversation starter about respect and shared goals in a marriage. Maybe they need a heart-to-heart over takeout to sort this out.

Here’s how people reacted to the post:

Some people say OP’s decision was reasonable since the promotion offered no pay increase.

Full-String7137 − NTA. His reaction is bizarre. You absolutely should not be taking on more responsibility without adequate compensation.

Honestly, this is kinda a weird way of doing it. I don't think it's even legal in my country.

You were right to discuss it with your husband but ultimately it's 100% your decision.

GinaDuhhh − NTA why work more if you get paid the same?

Neat-Cardiologist442 − NTA. That was a really s__t offer. More work, more responsibility and the same pay

? I don't know why he reacted that way but he needs to stay in his lane. This was absolutely your call.

Others criticize the husband for trying to control OP’s career choice.

YMMV-But − NTA. But it was nice of your husband to mansplain how careers work/s

Stlhockeygrl − Nta - using his age against you is gross. Trying to control YOUR career is gross.

You can discuss your career with your husband but ultimately that decision is on you.

And honestly I bet if your workload doubled and you were stressed, he'd be unsympathetic. Hopefully he's not usually like this.

[Reddit User] − Your career is your and yours only. If you are interested in the role, maybe you should have taken it

and then leave the job for another one, but ultimately the choice is your, and maybe this doesn't even interest you.

How would your husband react if you directed his career ? "it's all about you, isn't it?" Absolutely, it is.

That's your job and more than 8 hrs a day, it's about you and you only. Your husband is an i__ot and contradict himself,

he can't call you naive when he is dumb enough to expect a raise after accepting a raise-less promotion. NTA

Some emphasize OP’s autonomy and the long-term cost of a bad promotion.

MasterKilvin − NTA. You're not in any financial difficulties (quite the opposite it seems), you like your job, you don't like the idea of your new job.

You talked to your husband and he gave his advice. You made your decision. None of that is AH behavior.

What's important is that he doesn't get to make the decision for you. The decision is yours and yours alone.

He should accept your decisions, within reason, and this decision couldn't be more reasonable.

I guess your husband has that typical greedy individualisitic mindset that values the number of zeroes on a paycheck above quality of life, happiness and everything else. You clearly don't...

Moratenzis − I’d say NTA, it honestly does sound like the “promotion” would leave you with a lot more work and less reward.

You are married, so yeah you could have discussed it, but in the end it is YOUR job.

You need to do the work every single day. You know what accepting would mean and he doesn’t.

Accepting a job “just for a resume” isn’t really a good argument either.

iranisculpable − NTA. I was a software developer for over 30 years. You can earn upwards of 10 times what a program manager earns.

That short term bump in salary will cost you.

VeeJack − NTA - your method of approach to this offer was correct. When you called them out on the salary, they had nothing to support and

anyone’s gut instinct would be to assume they’d not give you a pay rise in-line with the extra responsibility.

Actually I’d suggest moving now because it sounds like a slightly unethical company for that reason.

You have an excuse if prospective companies (at interview stage) ask why.

So, what’s the play here? Our Redditor could sit down with her husband, lay out the math (more work, same pay = no thanks), and remind him her career isn’t his construction site to manage.

A calm chat might bridge the gap, especially if they dream up shared financial goals that don’t hinge on a shady promotion. For now, she’s standing her ground, and I’m here for it.

This tale’s got me thinking of that one time I passed on a “big opportunity” that screamed red flags – best decision ever.

Reddit’s got thought, and I believe so do you. What do you think? Was our Redditor right to dodge a promotion that felt like a demotion in disguise, or should she have played the long game for her resume?

How would you handle a spouse who’s more invested in your career ladder than your happiness? Share your hot takes with us!

Jeffrey Stone

Jeffrey Stone

Jeffrey Stone is a valuable freelance writer at DAILY HIGHLIGHT. As a senior entertainment and news writer, Jarvis brings a wealth of expertise in the field, specifically focusing on the entertainment industry.

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