Older Brother Admits He Favors The Family Scapegoat, Now The Golden Child Wants Answers

Family favoritism can quietly shape relationships for years before anyone is willing to say it out loud. When parents clearly prefer one child over another, siblings often get pulled into roles they never asked for.

Some become the golden child. Others learn early how to survive without much support. And sometimes, an older sibling feels compelled to step in where parents refuse to.

In today’s AITA story, the original poster grew up watching his parents openly favor one twin while constantly overlooking the other. Over time, he began spending more energy supporting the sibling who always seemed pushed aside.

What started as small gestures eventually turned into a clear imbalance that everyone could see. Now that both twins are heading into adulthood, one confrontation has forced him to question whether choosing sides makes him part of the problem. Scroll down to see how this family conflict finally came to a head.

An older brother backs the ignored twin before college, and the golden sister suddenly explodes

When love and attention are unevenly distributed in a family, it doesn’t just shape childhood; it shapes identity.

Being treated as “the favorite” or “the scapegoat” doesn’t stop at childhood milestones. Those early roles echo into adulthood, influencing self-worth, expectations, and how siblings relate to one another long after they leave home.

In this Reddit story, the older brother’s actions didn’t come from a place of simple preference; they came from empathy rooted in years of watching one sibling consistently be overlooked and the other consistently placed on a pedestal. Joe, the scapegoated twin, learned resilience from a lifetime of neglect. Jill, the “golden child,” learned expectation without challenge.

When he encouraged Joe toward independence, even if it meant finding a job through his own network, his intent was reassurance, not comparison.

Jill saw it differently: a spotlight on imbalance rather than an offer of support. The emotional conflict here isn’t about jobs or logistics; it’s about the lingering roles each sibling has learned to play.

Psychological research confirms that parental favoritism isn’t just anecdotal; it’s a real phenomenon with measurable effects.

A study featured in Psychology Today explains that parents often unconsciously favor certain children based on temperament, birth order, or gender, and this differential treatment can influence sibling relationships well into adulthood. Siblings who feel less favored may carry resentment, reduced closeness, and lower self-esteem as they grow older.

Similarly, Verywell Mind identifies scapegoating as a harmful family dynamic in which a child is unfairly blamed or burdened with dysfunction, often leading to long-term emotional distress, challenges with self-worth, and difficulty forming healthy relationships later in life.

Putting these insights into perspective helps illuminate the older brother’s motivations. His support for Joe can be seen as an attempt to counteract the emotional deficit Joe experienced for years, not as an attempt to diminish Jill. Meanwhile, Jill’s reaction reflects how entrenched

Family roles shape emotional expectations: being accustomed to unconditional support can make any deviation feel like rejection, even when it’s not intended that way. Recognizing these dynamics doesn’t excuse hurtful behavior, but it does foster empathy for why people react so strongly when roles shift.

In situations like this, fairness isn’t always about equal distribution. It’s about understanding emotional needs and the long-term impact of childhood experiences. Real solutions often start with honest reflection and boundaries, not just equal favors.

Take a look at the comments from fellow users:

This group strongly backed OP, praising him as a crucial support for the scapegoat

This group agreed OP is NTA but urged kindness and growth space for Jill

This group encouraged OP to explain favoritism clearly and set firm adult boundaries

This group blamed toxic parenting, saying both golden and scapegoat kids were harmed

This commenter stressed OP isn’t obligated to treat siblings equally as an adult

In the end, this wasn’t really about favoritism; it was about fairness finally showing up where it never had before. Many readers felt the Redditor stepped into a role his parents abandoned, giving Joe support without strings while Jill enjoyed years of built-in privilege.

Choosing to invest time and effort into the sibling who actually needed it didn’t make him cruel, just honest. But was drawing that emotional line inevitable once favoritism shaped their personalities so differently?

Would you keep bending for a golden child or back the sibling who was always sidelined?