Some roommates are more than just housemates; they’re your bridge to a new life. But when one Redditor moved into an apartment with a family friend’s daughter, she didn’t expect the roommate’s parents to make themselves so at home in her space. From doing laundry without asking to criticizing her wardrobe choices, it became clear that these parents had no boundaries.
Fed up with the constant invasions, the Redditor finally decided to take matters into her own hands, installing a lock and planning to tell her parents about the situation. Is she being dramatic, or is this an unhealthy breach of privacy? Keep reading to see how this delicate situation unfolded.
A roommate’s parents repeatedly enter the apartment without permission, causing frustration
The day later, OP posted an update:
Here’s the second update
Living with someone else already requires patience, but when those you share a home with feel free to enter your space without your permission, it can trigger a very human reaction: frustration.
In this case, the OP repeatedly found her roommate’s parents entering the apartment, doing laundry, cleaning closets, commenting on her wardrobe, and rigidly policing what she should and should not wear. These actions crossed a line from “helpful family friend” into “intrusive presence,” creating an environment where the OP’s sense of personal autonomy and safety was challenged.
Underneath the surface, the emotional friction comes down to control and respect. The OP was invited into a shared living situation but without an agreed‑upon boundary system; the roommate’s parents treated the space as their own.
According to the article “The Pandemic Has Stolen Our Personal Space Boundaries” in Psychology Today, when “control over the space around our body (personal space)… and control over who we have contact with and when (privacy)” is compromised, people tend to feel anxiety and resentment.
What likely made matters worse is the OP’s lack of backing by her roommate, being told she was “overreacting” added pressure to walking on eggshells in her own home.
When we examine this through the lens of boundary‑setting, the pattern becomes even clearer. As outlined in the article “How to Set Healthy Boundaries & Build Positive Relationships” on PositivePsychology.com, healthy boundaries involve clarity, self‑awareness, and respectful communication, not only about what we will tolerate but what we need to feel safe.
The OP attempted to communicate her discomfort, but the repeated intrusions by her roommate’s parents signalled that her boundaries were either unspoken or being ignored.
At that point, her step of installing a lock on her bedroom door is an act of self‑respect grounded in the understanding that when boundaries are violated repeatedly, protective steps become necessary.
From a fresh angle: what’s at stake is more than privacy; it’s identity. The OP’s apartment is a space she’s financially supported (her parents pay the rent), so it’s her home rightfully. When others treat it like a communal or parental zone, it can feel like an erasure of that identity.
The roommate’s parents may view their actions as kindness, but when the OP is on the receiving end they feel policing, shame‑inviting, and invasive. Helping someone doesn’t give carte blanche access into their rooms, closets, wardrobes.
In the end, the OP is not overreacting. She is a tenant and a person entitled to basic privacy, respect, and control over the personal space entrusted to her. She tried dialogue; that didn’t stick. She acted.
Setting clear boundaries, whether by conversation, lock installation, or involving the building manager, is a valid way to ensure that respect is enforced. This situation serves as a reminder: when living with others, kindness must be balanced with respect for autonomy and space.
See what others had to share with OP:
This group strongly supported the idea of establishing firm boundaries with the roommate
These commenters emphasized the importance of protecting personal space
This group found the invasion of privacy completely unacceptable
These commenters emphasized the need to take a firm stand, suggesting actions like locking doors, involving management, and even using humor or assertiveness
This commenter advised calmly explaining the situation to the roommate
Was the woman right to put a lock on her door and stand up to her roommate’s overstepping parents, or did she go too far? Should she have been more assertive sooner, or was her response justified given the circumstances? Share your thoughts below!
