She Asked Her Mom Why She Never Said ‘I’m Proud,’ The Answer Was Crushing

A mother’s honest assessment of her daughter’s life choices has blown up into a massive family conflict.

The 48-year-old mother (OP) has a successful, hard-working son, Kevin, and a 26-year-old daughter, Leah, who has a pattern of giving up. The conflict came to a head when Leah noticed her mother tell Kevin she was proud of him for his accomplishments.

When Leah asked why she had never received the same praise, the mother gave her the simple,

Grab some tissues, because this one is heartbreaking:

Wow. Just… wow. This one is tough to read. You can almost feel the chill coming off the page, can’t you? It’s a story that goes so much deeper than just one conversation at a birthday party. It peels back the layers on a family dynamic that seems to have been quietly simmering for decades.

You have Kevin, the 21-year-old “baby,” who is hitting all the traditional marks of success. He is the golden child. Then you have Leah, the 26-year-old who has stumbled. She’s seen by her mother not as someone who is struggling, but as someone who simply isn’t trying. The mother’s brutal honesty wasn’t just a moment of poor timing; it was the confirmation of a lifetime of feeling second-best.

When Praise Becomes a Weapon

This family is caught in a classic, and incredibly painful, trap known as the “golden child/scapegoat” dynamic. The mother defines success in a very narrow way: academics, athletics, and career goals. Kevin fits this mold perfectly, so he receives praise. Leah doesn’t, so she receives silence, which is its own form of punishment.

This feeling of being the “lesser” child is heartbreakingly common. According to a study out of Cornell University, a surprisingly high number of mothers admit to having a favorite child. This favoritism, whether it’s spoken or unspoken, can cause lifelong damage.

Therapist Ellen Weber Libby, Ph.D., wrote about this very issue, explaining how favoritism harms everyone involved. She notes that the “unfavored children often grow up feeling that there is something wrong with them.”

They internalize the belief that they are not good enough, which can lead to a lifetime of self-doubt and, ironically, the very “giving up” behavior Leah’s mother complains about.

Many people reading Leah’s story saw a pattern that the mother missed entirely: the possibility of undiagnosed ADHD. As the organization Children and Adults with Attention-Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder (CHADD) explains, ADHD in girls and women often doesn’t look like hyperactivity.

Instead, it can manifest as trouble focusing, feeling overwhelmed, and difficulty finishing tasks, all of which could be mislabeled as being “lazy” or “a quitter.” When a person constantly feels like they are failing at things that seem easy for others, they eventually stop trying.

The community was deeply divided, but leaned towards calling out the mom.

Most people were horrified by the mother’s coldness and immediately pointed to a classic “Golden Child” dynamic.

But a surprising number of people sided with the mom, arguing that abandoning your child is a dealbreaker for parental pride.

Some Redditors saw a more complex picture, suggesting a mix of parental failure and the daughter’s need for accountability.

And finally, some users demanded more info before delivering their judgement.

How Do You Rebuild a Relationship Like This?

It’s clear that this family needs healing, but that’s a tough road to walk. If you find yourself in a similar situation, either as the parent or the child, the first step has to be empathy.

For a parent, it’s about learning to separate your child’s actions from their worth as a person. You don’t have to be proud of every decision they make, but you can be proud of their character, their effort, or their resilience in the face of struggle.

Pride isn’t a trophy reserved only for scholarships and big wins. It can be found in small acts of kindness, in the courage to try again after failing, or simply in the person they are.

For an adult child like Leah, the path forward involves finding validation from within. When you can’t get that feeling of worth from a parent, you have to learn how to give it to yourself.

This often means seeking therapy to unpack years of feeling inadequate and to build a sense of self-worth that isn’t dependent on anyone else’s approval.

In The End…

This is a profoundly sad story about the immense power a parent’s words hold. Kevin is living his dreams, but you have to wonder if he feels the pressure of being the “good one.” And Leah is stuck, not just in her life, but in the shadow of her brother’s success, still seeking the one thing she may never get from her mother: a simple, unconditional “I’m proud of you.”

So, where do you land on this one? Was the mother’s honesty brutal but necessary? Or was it a cruel confirmation of a lifetime of favoritism? Let us know what you think.