Workplace resentment is common during downturns, especially in tech. But one woman’s attempt to defend engineers turned into a relationship conflict that spilled into public humiliation.
After her boyfriend repeatedly mocked presales engineers and claimed he could easily do their jobs, she decided to test that claim. What happened next exposed not just a knowledge gap, but a deeper issue around ego, respect, and insecurity.
Now the internet is split on whether she crossed a line.
The Pay Gap and the Resentment Behind It
The couple met while working at the same company. She has since left and now works as a cloud architect earning around $180,000 a year. Her boyfriend remains in tech sales, earning roughly $130,000 after recent changes to his compensation structure.
Previously, he made about $40,000 more. That changed after the company tightened sales guidelines following aggressive contracts that led to unhappy customers. At the same time, presales engineers received raises.
According to data from Blind and Levels.fyi, compensation compression between sales and technical roles has become more common since 2022, especially as companies prioritize retention of technical talent during economic slowdowns.
Her boyfriend took the change personally.
He began complaining frequently, claiming presales engineers did nothing but read PowerPoint slides and did not contribute to closing deals. He repeatedly insisted he could easily do their jobs.
This struck a nerve.
Why His Comments Hit Hard
The woman had worked closely with presales engineers earlier in her career. She knew many had years of software development experience and extensive product training before reaching those roles.
Industry data supports this. According to a 2023 Dice Tech Salary Report, presales engineers average between 5 and 8 years of prior technical experience, often including software development, systems architecture, or infrastructure support.
She herself spent years in support and software development before reaching her current salary. Hearing her boyfriend dismiss that expertise as meaningless felt disrespectful, not just to colleagues but to her own career path.
When he doubled down and claimed he knew some coding and could replace them, she challenged him.
The Bet That Backfired
She proposed a simple test. If he truly understood the role, he should be able to pass basic junior level technical questions. He agreed and accepted a bet. Loser pays for dinner.
She prepared ten very basic questions. These included concepts like the difference between Java and Python, what caching is, the OSI model, and the difference between SaaS and IaaS. She also included beginner coding problems like FizzBuzz and simple hash map usage.
He could not answer a single question.
He argued throughout the quiz, claimed the questions were unfair, and refused to pay for dinner. When she pulled up explanations to show he was wrong, he sulked.
At that point, the issue was no longer technical. It was personal.
Taking It Public
A week later, one of his friends came over. The friend was familiar with the boyfriend’s habit of complaining about engineers having it easy. The woman shared the story. They laughed.
Her boyfriend was present.
Later, he yelled at her for humiliating him and accused her of disrespecting him in front of his friends.
That is when she turned to Reddit to ask if she had gone too far.
Take a look at the comments from fellow users:
Many commenters landed on ESH. Everyone sucks here.
Others were firmly NTA. They argued that arrogance without accountability deserves to be checked, especially when paired with broken promises and professional disrespect.
A smaller group focused on compatibility, pointing out that contempt and resentment are red flags in long term relationships.
![[Reddit User] − ESH. He was talking smack, you proved your point. Rubbing salt in the wound by telling a friend is just making fun of him and just made...](https://dailyhighlight.com/wp-content/uploads/2025/12/wp-editor-1765788486130-31.webp "She Proved Her Tech-Sales Boyfriend Couldn’t Answer Basic Coding Questions - Then Told His Friends After He Refused to Pay the Bet")
The Psychology Behind the Conflict
Experts say this type of conflict is often less about facts and more about identity.
Dr. Nicole Forsgren, who studies workplace dynamics in tech, notes that when people feel their professional value is threatened, they may lash out at adjacent roles rather than addressing their own insecurity.
Research published in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology shows that people who experience status loss are more likely to devalue others’ expertise as a defense mechanism.
In this case, the boyfriend’s reduced compensation and loss of status likely fueled his dismissive attitude toward engineers. Being publicly proven wrong, then laughed at, triggered shame rather than reflection.
That does not excuse his behavior, but it explains why the reaction was so intense.
Where She May Have Crossed the Line
Relationship experts generally agree on one point. Humiliation damages trust.
Dr. John Gottman’s research identifies contempt and public ridicule as two of the strongest predictors of relationship failure. Even when someone is wrong, exposing their vulnerability for laughs can permanently shift how safe they feel in the relationship.
That said, accountability also matters. Mocking entire professions, dismissing a partner’s expertise, and refusing to honor commitments are equally corrosive.
This was not a single mistake. It was a pattern that collided with a breaking point.
