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Sister And Brother Seek Hair Toner Help But Face Rude Employee’s Shocking Insults And Outburst

by Jeffrey Stone
December 22, 2025
in Social Issues

A young woman, skilled at coloring her own hair for years, decided to give her brother subtle lighter highlights using affordable box products, and he loved the sun-kissed result on his dark brown locks. When the tone started turning brassy after fading, the siblings headed to a nearby beauty supply store for a simple toner to refresh it without further lightening.

The moment soured instantly as the employee cut them off mid-question, launched into a harsh lecture against applying any toner, and warned dramatically that mentioning box dye would trigger a major meltdown. Treated like clueless kids and refused any real advice, the frustrated sister loudly chose to shop elsewhere instead, then posted an honest negative review about the condescending encounter.

A woman left a bad review after rude treatment from a beauty store employee over DIY hair toner.

Sister And Brother Seek Hair Toner Help But Face Rude Employee's Shocking Insults And Outburst
Not the actual photo.

'AITA for risking a woman's job over boxed hair dye?'

I’m on mobile sorry for errors. So, I’ve (22f) been doing my own hair at home for years in all kinds of cuts and colors.

I understand why most stylists advise against this, however, I also feel like there is a lot of unnecessary fear mongering around doing stuff to your own hair

that makes a lot of people think they can't even touch it without causing some huge catastrophe.

Anyway, I've recently started doing my brother's (25m) hair as well. He's really liked it so far,

and recently I used a box bleach to give him a little bit of sun kissed balayage on the ends of his hair for summer and he loves it.

Now his natural color is dark brown, and the light color on the bottom with no toner is a dark gold/reddish blonde.

After we added a basic box toner, it cooled off to a nice honey brown a few shades lighter than his natural brown.

The toner has faded now and it's getting a bit brassy, so we were going to walmart to get more.

Bro suggested that we go to the actual beauty store nearby instead just to see.

We asked the employee there what she thought would be the best toner for him,

but before we can even get the question out she interrupts and says "For him?? You can't."

She went on this long rude tangent and kept insisting no toner would possibly work in his hair the way it was.

Even though I knew that wasn't true because it already did work with the walmart one?

At one point she just sighed and said "Alright, well what did you use to dye it?" and before we could even say a word she said

"And you better not say box dye or I’m gonna have a f__king fit." She did not sound good natured or joking about it either.

We said yeah it was box dye, but she never let me explain even what I wanted, just kept insisting that we needed to let her bleach his hair again.

But he didn't even want the ends of his hair to be lighter, just the same shade but less orange!

Plus, even as fast and loose I can be with hair, I definitely didn't want her putting MORE bleach on the part of his hair that was already box bleached...

Eventually I was tired of being talked down to like a child so I just turned to my brother and said loudly

"well that stuff from Walmart worked pretty well last time, let's just go back there if nothing here will work" and we left.

She mumbled something about wrecking his hair at us as we walked out.

I went home and left a bad review for the store and the employee. I was so mad and felt like she just saw that

we were young, assumed we knew nothing about hair, and thought she could scare us by making it seem like box dye is a fatal mistake.

I've been told by a few people that I'm a petty AH for doing this and could have put the woman's job at risk.

They said I was just projecting my own opinions about DIY hair onto the situation, and what she was telling me was probably correct anyway.

I maybe would have been more willing to listen if she hadn't been so condescending, but I still think she was just wrong anyway. AITA?

ETA because some people have asked, this was a sally's beauty. Not a salon.

Stepping into a beauty supply store for advice should feel like chatting with a helpful friend, not auditioning for a drama series. Yet that’s exactly what happened when a knowledgeable young Redditor sought toner recommendations, only to face interruption, condescension, and outright dismissal.

Professionals often caution against box dyes because they’re one-size-fits-all formulas with stronger developers that can lead to more damage over time compared to customized salon mixes. The employee’s concern about further processing already-treated hair isn’t entirely off-base. Repeated bleaching risks dryness and breakage. But delivery matters hugely. Scaring customers or refusing to listen turns helpful guidance into gatekeeping.

Flip the script, and the Redditor’s frustration makes total sense. She’d successfully used box toner before, proving it could work for her brother’s subtle refresh without more lightening. Being young shouldn’t mean being treated like amateurs, especially when the goal was simply cooling brassiness, not a total overhaul.

This ties into bigger customer service dynamics in retail. Rudeness or apathy drives away business fast. Data shows one in three customers will leave a brand after just one bad interaction. In beauty retail, where trust and approachability sell products, condescending attitudes can tank reviews and loyalty.

Psychologist Hans Steiner, emeritus professor of psychiatry at Stanford University, notes on incivility in service roles: “People feel almost entitled to be rude to people who are not in a position of power.” While this often describes rude customers, it highlights how power imbalances fuel poor interactions either way. Here, the employee wielded “expert” status harshly.

Neutral ground? Share knowledge kindly without judgment. Many can’t afford frequent salon visits due to costs, scheduling, or other life factors.

A better approach: explain risks calmly, suggest alternatives, and let customers decide. It’s their hair, after all! Open dialogue builds trust and might even turn DIY fans into occasional clients.

Here’s the input from the Reddit crowd:

Some people believe the employee’s behavior was outright rude and unprofessional.

GrandpaJoeSloth − NTA - there's no excuse for how that employee treated you. That's just obnoxious and rude, period. Absolutely NTA

cricket73646 − NTA. Her job is to sell the products in the store and explain what they are.

No salesperson in that kind of store has the authority to be rude or condescending.

theoreticalsandmore − NTA- her response was unprofessional and straight up rude.

Even if she was convinced you were going to wreck your brother's hair, there are better ways to say it than "I'm gonna have a f__king fit"

TheUnwrittenScript − NTA. She was rude, condescending, unprofessional, unhelpful, and used profanity.

If a business operates treating customers like that, they will end up with bad reviews.

Some hairstylists emphasize non-judgmental support for customers who do their own hair.

Tough_Orange_4989 − I'm a hairstylist, you're not the a__hole. I don't talk down to clients who do there own hair.

I'm willing to share my knowledge as well. Not everyone can afford to pay to have their hair done, maybe they don't have child care, or they work during salon...

You never know people situations and you shouldn't assume things about them.

I'll steer you in the right direction if you ask for my help. Otherwise, I just focus on the service you came in for.

Sometimes people are embarrassed to say that they color and cut their own hair,

I always tell them that it's your own hair and you can do whatever you like with it. No judgment from me.

ReignbowBaltierra − Info: was this a salon? Or a supply chain like Sally's?

They aren't usually licensed at Sally's type places (and often have no idea wtf they're talking about)

and even as a salon manager of 12 years I've had to fight formulas with some of them to make a purchase.

I only add this to say as part of my judgement, NTA. If you can formulate color in a way that you like and isn't damaging to the hair,

you've got a skill a frustrating amount of licensed stylists don't have.

Don't let some know-it-all p__b get in your head. I will beg you though to please do something with your skills.

Even if its just keeping your family and friends looking and feeling fabulous.

If you ever have formula questions for someone who isn't an a__hole, I'm always a DM away to troubleshoot with you.

Others argue the employee’s rudeness justified consequences like job risk or bad reviews.

9okm − NTA. Her job should be at risk, IMO.

CT0760 − NTA, she was very unprofessional and insulting. She deserved the bad review as a lesson and so others could be warned

Arn0d − NTA. That's... that's kind of the point of rating a business, being honest and all, isn't it?

blackygreen − NTA she put her own job at risk by being rude AF

This beauty store blunder reminds us that great service is about respect and helpfulness, not scare tactics, even when opinions on box dye differ. The Redditor stood up for herself without escalating in-person, but the review sparked job-risk worries.

Do you think her feedback was fair play against rude treatment, or did it cross into petty territory? Would better employee training prevent these clashes, and how would you handle seeking advice from a dismissive “expert”? Share your thoughts below, we’re all ears!

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF THIS STORY?

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF THIS STORY?

OP Is Not The AH (NTA) 0/0 votes | 0%
OP Is Definitely The AH (YTA) 0/0 votes | 0%
No One Is The AH Here (NAH) 0/0 votes | 0%
Everybody Sucks Here (ESH) 0/0 votes | 0%
Need More INFO (INFO) 0/0 votes | 0%

Jeffrey Stone

Jeffrey Stone

Jeffrey Stone is a valuable freelance writer at DAILY HIGHLIGHT. As a senior entertainment and news writer, Jeffrey brings a wealth of expertise in the field, specifically focusing on the entertainment industry.

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