Imagine moving overseas, finally settling into your dream life with your partner only to be asked to pack it all up and come home to raise someone else’s kids. That’s the moral dilemma one 26-year-old woman faced when her younger sister, drowning in grief and diapers after becoming a single mom to twins, asked for help far beyond a monthly bank transfer.
The request? Move back across the Atlantic to Canada and take on a live-in auntie role. Her answer? A firm no. But now, with guilt-ridden texts from her mother and her sister struggling, she’s left wondering: did she cross the line into selfishness, or simply draw healthy boundaries?
A 26-year-old woman refused her sister’s request to move from England to Canada to help with newborn twins despite family pressure
OP provided further information:
Family obligations can tug hard, but they don’t always justify uprooting an entire life. OP, living in England with her husband, already sends monthly financial support to her 19-year-old sister in Canada, who is raising newborn twins after losing her partner. When asked to move back permanently to help with childcare, OP refused and now feels guilty under pressure from her mom.
From OP’s point of view, the ask is extraordinary. She and her husband have stable jobs, a home, and a life built abroad. Relocating across the Atlantic isn’t a favor, it’s a reinvention. For Sadie, however, the request came from desperation, not entitlement. She’s grieving, sleep-deprived, and raising two infants with limited family support as their father battles cancer. Her plea was less “you owe me” and more “I’m drowning.”
This speaks to a wider issue of caregiving burdens. In Canada, 28% of young adults aged 15–29 already provide unpaid family care (Statistics Canada, 2022).
Psychologist Jeffrey Arnett, who coined emerging adulthood, notes that this period is meant for independence, yet crises often force young people into roles they aren’t ready for. OP’s sister is a vivid example, while OP herself demonstrates the limits of what family help can reasonably extend to.
The practical solution isn’t relocation. OP can continue financial support and help Sadie navigate resources, Canada offers subsidized childcare and community aid. A temporary visit might provide emotional relief, but permanent sacrifice isn’t realistic. OP also shouldn’t allow guilt to override the fact that she’s already contributing generously.
At heart, this conflict is about boundaries. Sadie asked because she’s overwhelmed; OP declined because the request was too great. Both positions are valid. Love doesn’t always mean moving continents, it can mean sustaining from afar, offering empathy, and ensuring the support that is possible doesn’t come at the cost of another life already in motion.
These are the responses from Reddit users:
These Redditors called the request to move “insane” and “ridiculous,” praising her for sending money and urging her to hold firm
This group saw no assholes, noting the sister and mom’s desperate asks were understandable but her refusal was valid given the extreme request
These users emphasized she’s not responsible for fixing her sister’s life, suggesting local resources and affirming her right to stay in England
This duo questioned the family’s dynamics, with one suggesting a short visit to see her dad and another joking about the story’s dramatic layers
This woman’s refusal to move from England to Canada to help her sister with newborn twins, despite family pressure, is a tough but fair boundary. Reddit supports her right to prioritize her life, though her guilt and her family’s desperation add complexity.
Was she right to say no, or should she do more? How would you handle a family’s plea to relocate? Drop your hot takes below!
