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Sister Chose To Be Adopted By Stepmom, Now Demands Inheritance From Birth Family

by Annie Nguyen
November 30, 2025
in Social Issues

Every family has its share of drama, but few stories touch on the profound impact of adoption and inheritance quite like this one.

The original poster (OP) has found himself at odds with his sister over a significant inheritance left by their late grandmother. While the OP feels justified in keeping the funds to himself, his sister believes she deserves a share due to their blood relation.

This conflict goes deeper than just money; it’s a reflection of their childhood experiences, the choices made by their parents, and the emotional scars that have lingered over the years.

As the OP grapples with feelings of betrayal and anger, he must navigate the murky waters of family loyalty and the weight of expectations. What will his final decision be? Keep reading to discover the unfolding drama.

A man faces family backlash after his adopted sister demands a share of their inheritance

Sister Chose To Be Adopted By Stepmom, Now Demands Inheritance From Birth Family
Not the actual photo

AITA For Not Sharing My Inheritance With My Sister Since Chose To Be Adopted?

I (30m) lost my mom when I was 5.

Despite being so young I had very vivid

and treasured memories of my mom and did not take

to my dad dating a year after her death well.

My dad recognized that he knew this would be hard for me

but said that as the parent/adult he knew what was best

even if it didn't seem that way at first and that he'd thank me in the long run.

Not long after that he married my stepmom "Lucy"

and when I began to act out over it my dad said

that parenting alone was hard and that my sister "Jessica" (28f) needed a mom.

My dad even got my maternal grandparents to tell me

that everything would be fine and how I needed to be a "good boy."

That was enough to get me to behave during the wedding

but once Lucy moved in and started redecorating I started acting out again.

My dad had had enough and just started punishing me

whenever I acted out or made Lucy upset

as well as used the "Jessica isn't acting out like this"

and to be honest Jessica was easily pleased

and wasn't alive long enough

to have the same attachment to our mom as I did.

It really upset me when Jessica started calling Lucy "mom"

and it really ticked me off when Lucy started referring to me as her son.

I always corrected it when she tried that around me.

It got worse when I was 8 and Lucy had her own kids

because then my dad and her started pushing for adoption.

Jessica, obviously, had no problems with it but I refused.

My dad had my maternal grandparents come in again

and tell me that adoption wouldn't be that bad but I still refused.

Lucy and my dad pushed for the adoption anyway

but thankfully the judge listened to my feelings in a private room and denied it.

After that therapy started but it didn’t last

so they also tried the "since you don't want to be a part of THIS family

you don't get X or you can't come do Y"

but I was too stubborn for that method to work on me.

The only one who I felt was on my side was my paternal aunt

who kept sticking up for me whenever she'd see what Lucy

and my dad were trying to do, so when I turned 18 I went straight to her.

It was when I became a legal adult

that my maternal grandparents confessed that they were never O.K.

with the situation but my dad threatened to keep me

and my sister away if they didn't show support.

I was furious, so furious that I had my surname legally changed

to my mom's maiden name as I wanted nothing to do with my dad

and only ever really talked to my paternal aunt.

Fast forward to now and my grandma has passed away (grandpa died in 2020)

and according to their will only their legal grandchildren is to split a $250,000 inheritance

and since Jessica is legally Lucy’s daughter all

she got was a framed photo of my mom and a letter.

Jessica doesn’t think it’s fair and thinks I should share

but I told her to get money from her legal grandparents.

My aunt thinks I’m being a bit harsh so AITA?

In the aftermath of loss, families can often fracture in ways that are deeply painful and complex. This is a universal emotional truth that resonates with many, especially those who have experienced the loss of a loved one.

The struggles of the original poster (OP), who lost his mother at the tender age of five, highlight the emotional turmoil that can arise from the blending of families and the feeling of being replaced.

The tension between OP and his sister Jessica, who chose to embrace their stepmother Lucy as her own, creates a rift that is not solely about inheritance but about loyalty, identity, and the deep wounds of childhood grief.

At the core of this story is the painful dynamic of being forced to navigate family loyalty. OP wasn’t just grappling with the fairness of inheritance; he was wrestling with the perception that his sister had chosen a life that excluded their shared past with their mother.

While OP felt betrayed by Jessica’s acceptance of Lucy, Jessica may have viewed her adoption as a means of survival and stability. This difference in perspective complicates their relationship, as OP’s memories of their mother clash with Jessica’s experiences of growing up without her.

Psychologically, the situation reflects a common theme where children process grief differently based on their developmental stages. Jessica, being younger, may not have the same vivid memories of their mother and thus, her bond with Lucy may feel more natural and protective.

Conversely, OP’s strong resistance to adoption and the subsequent feelings of abandonment could lead to a sense of isolation, driving a wedge between the siblings.

Developmental psychologist Ann S. Masten emphasizes that “resilience didn’t depend on special qualities but on a capacity to adapt that we develop over time as we are nurtured, learn and gain experience.”

Her perspective highlights that a child’s ability to cope with adversity often comes from the steady support systems and relationships that shape their growth.

This insight sheds light on why OP’s anger, while understandable, may not fully acknowledge Jessica’s perspective. Her choice to align with Lucy might stem from a need for belonging and acceptance in a family that was, for her, a more immediate reality.

This is why OP’s decision to withhold inheritance is not just a financial matter but also a reflection of unresolved emotions and an attempt to protect what he feels is rightfully his.

Ultimately, healing from such familial rifts requires empathy and understanding. It may be beneficial for OP to reflect on the motivations behind Jessica’s choices and explore avenues for reconciliation.

Engaging in open conversations could help bridge the emotional divide, allowing both siblings to express their pain and perhaps find a path towards mutual understanding.

Healing is not a linear process, but through dialogue and compassion, both OP and Jessica may uncover a shared bond that transcends the complexities of their past.

Here’s the comments of Reddit users:

These commenters say OP must honor the will and owes his sister nothing

Logical-Cost4571 − NTA. Interesting how she only wants

to be family now money is involved.

Huge_Put8244 − NTA - your grandparents had plenty of time to change their will.

They used the specific teem legal grandchildren for a specific reason.

Because they wanted you to inherit from them.

They assume Lucy will inherit from her other grandparents and she probably will.

Or if your dad is still sore, you may be excluded from his will

and they wanted to make sure you were adequately covered.

judgingA-holes − NTA- If you grandmother used the language "legal grandchildren"

and didn't specify names it was for a reason.

I honestly think that you are keeping your grandmother's wishes

by not sharing with your sister.

butterflyinflight − Will you be in Lucy’s family’s will? If not,

will your sister give you part of her portion?

Somehow I think the answer to both questions is no.

She can wait till she gets her own inheritance. NTA.

This group insists Jessica ignored the grandparents and isn’t owed inheritance

Vivid-Volume6917 − NTA, do not give her half of this money.

Your sister is a grown adult now.

She had plenty of opportunities to forge some sort of relationship

with her biological grandparents after she was old enough, and she chose not to.

All these Y T A reactions are probably people who are just as selfish as she is.

If your grandparents intended for her to have half of their money,

they would have prepared their estate planning to reflect that, and they didn’t.

Writing wills is not that complicated,

it is clear the money was always meant for OP.

Your dad and sister made you feel guilty for your feelings

before and they were clearly wrong, don’t let them do it to you again.

rjhancock − Not even going to read

as this is the same answer I give for EVERY inheritance post I see:

You were given the inheritance, do with it as you see fit. NTA.

[Reddit User] − NTA - your grandparents made that call.

They chose that language for a reason.

PracticalPrimrose − Wow. I’m so sorry you were abused

and manipulated after losing your mother. NTA.

It sucks for Jessica sure.

Especially because she didn’t know better (so to speak)

since she was younger than you and manipulated herself.

But her behavior as an adult is what makes this NTA for me.

If she wanted to be close to her maternal grandparents, she could’ve been.

But instead she chose to be close to her adoptive mother’s parents.

And there’s no doubt you would not be getting an inheritance from them.

Life‘s about choices. This was hers.

These folks feel Jessica wasn’t at fault as a child and blame the adults instead

Milskidasith − OP, you posted this regarding your sister:

She's not legally their child and hadn't spoken to them in two years.

Although if I could see it happening if she was to reverse the adoption.

As you've written this, it appears that your grandparents cut your sister out

of their lives because she chose to be adopted by your step mom,

that she hasn't spoken to them in years because of the grandparent's actions,

and/or that her relationship with the grandparents

was contingent on reversing her adoption

to the woman she's known most of her life.

Is that correct? If so, it seems like ESH (except your sister).

Your dad and stepmom are obviously wrong

for treating you poorly and trying to force a relationship.

Your grandparents are not wrong for giving you an inheritance

and you aren't wrong for keeping it, but both you

and your grandparents seem to be heavily blaming your sister

for accepting her stepmother into her life and y'all seem

to view the adoption as an explicit r__ection

of bio mom + grandparents, when it isn't.

All of y'all seem to be taking the worst possible course

of action to let anybody heal and move on from this in a healthy way.

FuckUGalen − NTA but the adults in your life (including your grand parents

if they continued to have a grandparent relationship with Jessica) absolutely were.

Why am I including Grandparents as TA?

Because of they maintained a grandparent relationship with Jessica,

then the legal status is irrelevant, and they are simply blaming a 4 year old

for wanting a mum and a young child for believing the parents she knew.

I feel for you OP, and I don't know you should have to share,

but remember you were 5, and while you remember your mother,

your sister almost certainly has at best vague memories,

so her acceptance of the situation is part

"the only thing she ever knew" and holding on to stability.

This commenter claimed everyone was wrong except the sister

ellieetsch − ESH. Except you sister.

She was raised by Lucy completely, she is her mother.

Holding a grudge against her

because she doesnt remember your birth mother is quite ridiculous,

and the fact that it has persisted until now 25 years later shows

that you still have a lot of maturing to do.

Your feelings towards your father and Lucy are completely justified though,

their actions after your moms death and how they used family against you

to try and pressure you was super fucked up, its definitely

why you are so maladjusted with your relationship with your sister.

I think you need to think long and hard about why your aunt,

who is quite clearly the only adult in your life who is well put together,

thinks you are being too harsh.

This family saga brings to light the complexities of loyalty and emotional ties that run deeper than money. Do you think the man’s refusal to share his inheritance is justified, given the backdrop of their childhood?

Or could he have approached the situation differently? How would you navigate such a tangled web of family dynamics? Share your thoughts below!

Annie Nguyen

Annie Nguyen

Hi, I'm Annie Nguyen. I'm a freelance writer and editor for Daily Highlight with experience across lifestyle, wellness, and personal growth publications. Living in San Francisco gives me endless inspiration, from cozy coffee shop corners to weekend hikes along the coast. Thanks for reading!

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