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Stepdaughter Wants Help Buying a £500k Home – But Her Stepsister Refuses After Remembering the Past

by Sunny Nguyen
December 5, 2025
in Social Issues

“A symbolic scene of two siblings standing on one side of a divided childhood home, while a wealthier stepfamily occupies the other side.

The divide is visual – different rooms, different lighting, unequal treatment shown subtly. Style: modern digital illustration, warm colors, emotionally expressive.”

Stepdaughter Wants Help Buying a £500k Home - But Her Stepsister Refuses After Remembering the Past
Not the actual photo

Here’s The Original Post:

'AITA for refusing to help my step sister with her house purchase and telling her and my step father that it's because of how they treated me as a child?'

I'm 29F. When I was about 10, my mom married my step father. I have an older brother Luke who was 15. My step father had Amy and Ada who...

We didn't come from a privileged background, my mum was a min wage worker and my dad was absent. Our step father had a very good income.

Their deal was that they wouldn't combine finances, and they would each contribute equally to the household, and then each takes care of their children with their spare money.

So my mum never had anything for us, and my step father was spending big on his kids.

This included holidays which Luke and I were excluded from (step father would pay for mum, but not us).

Luke and I also shared a room even though Amy and Ada had their own rooms and we had a guest room,

because step father insisted that he was paying more towards the house so my mum's share would only get her one room for the kids.

Luke and I were constantly teased for this situation by the three of them as we grew up.

My mum always said that we should be thankful because if it wasn't for our step father we would not be living in a nice home in a good neighborhood.

Anyway, Luke and I became determined to be able to take care of ourselves so that we wouldn't need to take nonsense from anyone.

We have both done quite well with our careers and finances and we are in a very good place.

Since turning 18 and moving out my relationship with the three of them has been very limited. I wouldn't call us friends, but we can exist peacefully if we are...

I visited my mum recently and my step father mentioned that Amy wants to buy a house now that she's pregnant.

He asked me if I'm able to help out a little with the deposit. The house is £500k and she needs a £150k deposit.

She has £100k so far. £25k on her own, £25k from her mum and £50k from step father.

He was asking if Luke and I can help cover the extra £50k and he said he'd pay us back as part of the inheritance eventually.

I said no. He insisted that Luke and I both own our houses outright and with our incomes so we should be able to help.

I said whether I can or not is irrelevant, my answer is no. He reminded me that Luke and I each gave £10k to our cousin for buying a house...

Amy is my sister and he's offering to pay us back. I said that was our choice then, this is my choice now.

He insisted that we should be willing to help out our family if we're able to, I replied back "like how you helped me and Luke when we were kids?"

Everyone just went quiet when I said this. After a while, he said if we went back in time he'd have done things differently, treated all four of us equally.

I said that's good of you but doesn't make you entitled to my money now. He said he knows he's not entitled,

that's why he's asking and promising to pay it back, I said the answer still is no, not entitled to a loan either.

My mum later told me I could have turned him down without being an a__hole or bringing up childhood which he already feels guilty about. AITA?

A Childhood Defined by Unequal “Family” Rules

When her mother remarried, the OP was ten. Her older brother Luke was fifteen. Overnight, they found themselves living with a new stepfather and two stepsisters, Amy and Ada.

On paper, the arrangement looked harmless:
the adults agreed not to combine finances and split household expenses evenly. Whatever money remained – each parent would spend on “their own” kids.

In practice?
It created a two-tier household that pretty much guaranteed resentment.

Her mother, a minimum-wage worker, could barely afford anything beyond necessities. The stepfather, however, had a high income and made sure his biological daughters lived comfortably – luxurious holidays, personal rooms, constant extras.

Meanwhile, OP and Luke shared one room, even though the house had a guest room. And while the stepfather happily paid for their mother to join the vacations, OP and Luke were excluded year after year. Their stepsiblings teased them about it regularly.

Their mother’s response was always the same:
“Be grateful. Without him, we wouldn’t be in a nice house or a good neighborhood.”

But gratitude is hard to cultivate when the message is:
You live here, but this was never really your home.

Distance, Adulthood, and Finally Finding Stability

Both siblings grew up determined to succeed on their own terms — to build the security they were denied inside that childhood house.

It worked.
In adulthood, both OP and Luke bought their homes outright and built stable, well-paying careers. They limited contact with their mother’s new family, and while things were polite, nothing resembled closeness.

So when OP visited her mother recently, she didn’t expect anything dramatic. Until her stepfather brought up Amy.

The £150,000 Request – Dressed as “Family Support”

Amy, now pregnant, was hoping to buy a £500,000 home. She had already cobbled together a £100,000 deposit:

  • £25k of her own savings

  • £25k from her mother

  • £50k from the stepfather

But she still needed another £50,000.
And her stepfather had a solution.

He wanted OP and Luke to “help out the family” by covering the rest.

He even suggested he would “pay them back” through inheritance someday because nothing says “financial stability” like a promise attached to a future you can’t guarantee.

OP said no.

Her stepfather pressed harder.
He pointed out that both siblings owned their homes outright. He insisted that Amy was “their sister.” And he brought up the fact that OP and Luke once gifted a cousin £10,000 for a house deposit.

Finally, the pressure crossed a line — and OP answered with the truth she had held in for nearly two decades:

“Like how you helped me and Luke when we were kids?”

Silence.
The kind that finally confirms everyone knows exactly what happened.

“If I Could Go Back in Time…” – A Convenient Regret

After a long pause, her stepfather admitted that yes, if he could redo the past, he’d treat all the children equally.

But regret without action doesn’t pay a deposit and certainly doesn’t entitle someone to a £50k loan. OP repeated her answer: still no.

And her mother?
Instead of acknowledging the years of inequality, she told OP she “could have refused without bringing up childhood.”

That comment alone sent Reddit into orbit.

See what others had to share with OP:

Readers didn’t hold back. Many said OP was absolutely right to set boundaries — especially after how she and Luke were treated.

Alarming_Work4005 − Absolutely NTA. And I think you did turned him down without bringing up your childhood, but he kept pressuring you, so it’s totally understandable that you told the...

maroongrad − NTA. He needs to know how badly he screwed up. And he didn't do anything to try and make up for it either, did he?

Nope. Not until he wanted YOUR money for HIS kid that bullied you. Nope. Not a cent. ..unless you get a loan, notarized, for a freakin' ridiculous amount of interest.

AlannaAdvice − NTA but your mom! Wow! I could never stay married to someone who treated my kids with such disparity and teased you about it on top of it.

Sounds like your mom was invited to things and your stepfather did pay for her - how did that work? Did your mom actually take him up on it and...

Cause if so, you’re a saint for being in contact with your mom at all.

Others pointed out the hypocrisy in expecting OP to help a stepsister who once teased her for being the “poor kid” of the family.

MeasurementNovel8907 − NTA. He made the rules, he has no right to complain about you living by them.

He could have chosen to help you out at any time, and she's frankly already been given more for the house than most people ever get from their family.

jimmap − NTA. Step dad is though. He uses the classic "I would have done it different if I could go back in time". What a pathetic excuse.

dw3991 − NTA- your step dad was more than happy to see you and your brother at a financial disadvantage when you were younger and making sure you were excluded.

Now that it is his daughter who is at a disadvantage, he is insisting that you should help family out? Don't cave, don't give him a penny!

Edit for clarity: 75k is not a disadvantage but certainly isn't the home she wants.

JWS2253 − NTA but you are a badass

And perhaps the most widely echoed point:

Why_Teach − NTA— You did not bring up the “childhood stuff” — he did when he claimed you owed help to your “sisters.

”You don’t need to bring it up gratuitously, but any reference to a relationship where you and your brother were second-class citizens and didn’t get to share in the full...

makes it okay for you to point out that you weren’t treated like “family” so why should you feel like “family” now? Congratulations to you and Luke on “making” it.

“Living well is the best revenge. ”

Aunt_Anne − NTA. ..pay you n back eventually with your inheritance? Sorry, that's not a pay back.

An_Acetic_Alpaca − bringing up childhood which he already feels guilty about And yet he not only didn't apologize, he wouldn't take no for an answer. NTA.

loudent2 − ". ..he said if we went back in time he'd have done things differently, treated all four of us equally..."

Oh really? Is he treating you all equally with his inheritance. Considering what he said about paying you back with it, it sure doesn't seem like it.

So… Was She the Ahole?**

If refusing a massive loan makes someone the villain, then half the adult population is doomed.

OP wasn’t punishing anyone. She wasn’t vengeful. She simply refused to take responsibility for people who never treated her as part of their unit.

Her stepsister wasn’t denied a basic necessity – she was denied a luxury house she couldn’t afford without dipping into the pockets of the siblings her family once excluded.

Sometimes the past doesn’t reappear to cause drama.
Sometimes it reappears because someone finally stops pretending it didn’t happen.

And in this case?
Reddit’s verdict is loud, unanimous, and unwavering:

Not. The. Ahole.**

Sunny Nguyen

Sunny Nguyen

Sunny Nguyen writes for DailyHighlight.com, focusing on social issues and the stories that matter most to everyday people. She’s passionate about uncovering voices and experiences that often go unheard, blending empathy with insight in every article. Outside of work, Sunny can be found wandering galleries, sipping coffee while people-watching, or snapping photos of everyday life - always chasing moments that reveal the world in a new light.

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