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This Woman Keeps Complaining Men On Tinder Are “Ugly”, So Her Friend Tells Her To Get A Mirror

by Annie Nguyen
July 22, 2025
in Social Issues

Picture this: a 19-year-old swiping through Tinder, dreaming of a rom-com-worthy boyfriend, only to declare every guy on her screen “ugh, so not my type!” That’s the saga of one Redditor’s friend, who’s been venting about the “ugly” matches flooding her dating apps. This Reddit user, caught between eye-rolls and honesty, dropped a truth bomb: those “meh” guys? Totally in her friend’s league. Cue the drama, a bruised ego, and a fiery “Am I the Asshole?” post that’s got the internet buzzing.

Was this friend’s blunt reality check a wake-up call or a low blow? Want the juicy details? Dive into the original story below!This tale of swipes and snubs is a rollercoaster of modern dating woes, where algorithms play Cupid and egos take a hit. With Reddit’s peanut gallery weighing in, it’s a story that’ll make you laugh, cringe, and maybe check your own dating app settings. Let’s unpack this digital drama!

This Woman Keeps Complaining Men On Tinder Are "Ugly", So Her Friend Tells Her To Get A Mirror

Hold onto your phone—this Redditor’s tale is a wild ride through the dating app jungle! Here’s the full scoop straight from the source:

Aita For Telling My Friend She’s In The Same League As Men She Calls Ugly?

My friend [19f] downloaded dating apps like Tinder and Hinge for the first time about a week ago. For reference, she's the type that always says she wants a boyfriend, wants to do couple things, feels lonely single, etc.

She's also, imo at least, very normal and average looks wise: not ugly, not super hot, just alright. Since then, she's been complaining to me that almost all the men there are ugly, short, etc, and that she doesn't match with anybody hot.

I asked to see which people she was calling ugly and so she showed me her likes, and it mostly showed people perfectly in her league, as in moderately attractive guys.

I told her that these guys were all in her league and she should give some of them a chance since she always complains about wanting to be in a relationship. She denied that she's the same league as them and said that she's much more attractive than them.

I pointed out that in her own words, she doesn't match with any of the guys she does find attractive, so she's not in their league.. She said I was an AH. Am I?

Navigating dating apps can feel like auditioning for a rom-com, only to get cast in a buddy comedy. Our Redditor’s friend, a 19-year-old newbie to Tinder and Hinge, is swiping left on guys she deems “ugly” or “short,” while pining for a boyfriend to whisk her away. The twist? When her friend pointed out that these guys are in her “league”—a.k.a. moderately attractive, just like her—she didn’t take kindly to the mirror being held up. Ouch. So, was this a brutal but fair reality check, or did the Redditor cross a line?

Let’s break it down. The friend’s high standards might stem from the curated perfection of social media, where chiseled jaws and six-foot frames seem to dominate. But dating apps aren’t just a beauty pageant—they’re a numbers game. According to a 2023 Pew Research study, 59% of women on dating apps report feeling overwhelmed by unwanted messages, often from matches they don’t find attractive. This could explain her frustration, but dismissing “average” guys as beneath her suggests a disconnect. Is she chasing a fantasy, or just exercising her right to be picky?

On the flip side, the Redditor’s “you’re in their league” comment, while honest, might’ve stung more than intended. Attraction is subjective, and “leagues” are a shaky concept at best. Dr. Helen Fisher, a biological anthropologist, notes in Thais Gibson (2024), “Attraction between two individuals is temporary. The ideal relationship means having shared values, a strong sexual and emotional connection, similar lifestyles, trust and independence, and respect for each other.”

The broader issue here is how dating apps shape our perceptions. Algorithms often prioritize engagement over compatibility, showing users matches that keep them swiping (and spending). The friend’s pickiness might shrink her pool, but that’s her prerogative. The Redditor, though, could’ve framed their advice with more tact—less “you’re average” and more “maybe give these guys a chance for their personality.” A gentle nudge toward open-mindedness might’ve avoided the fallout.

So, what’s the move? If the friend’s complaints become a broken record, the Redditor could set boundaries, like suggesting a break from app talk. For the friend, exploring what she truly values in a partner—beyond looks—could open new doors. What do you think—should she lower her standards, or keep swiping for her dream guy?

Reddit’s popping off, and it’s spicier than your aunt’s gossip at a family reunion! Here’s what the community had to say:

One user pointed out that dating apps often use ‘attractiveness algorithms’—so if she’s judging others harshly, she should expect the same back.

No-Sea1173 − NTA.   Those apps have algorithms that track who likes you, and adjust the options you're shown. So essentially - an attractiveness aogorithm.   If she wants to be superficial in how she rates guys, then she needs to be able to handle the same standard.  

ETA - I'm getting a lot of comments. I don't work for those companies so I don't know what the algorithms are exactly. I read an article a year or so ago that indicated all of those apps are designed to make money, which often means manipulating options available to men to increase rates of purchasing premium services and then getting matches, and manipulating women into getting early matches so they remain engaged.

Hence my comment there's an 'attractiveness algorithm'. I'm not an expert, pls do your own research.

Another Redditor noted that while OP had a point, they came off harsh—everyone has preferences, and if she’s missing out, that’s her choice.

royalemushroom − YTA but like not a horrible a**hole you just could’ve worded it better. People have types and find different things attractive. She’s entitled to her opinions and if that means she cuts off good potential matches it’s her loss.

One commenter said both of them were being too judgmental, and even if she needed a wake-up call, calling her ‘mid’ wasn’t the nicest way to do it.

BerserkerRed − ESH - everyone has different tastes and preferences. And attractiveness is very subjective. You’re both being judgmental. It does seem like she might need some humbling but saying she’s mid is probably not the best method of doing so.

One user said OP wasn’t wrong—sometimes honesty beats ‘girl code,’ and it’s better than pretending just to be nice.

Therapy9-1-1 − NTA. Girl code might say otherwise but I appreciate the bluntness.

One commenter said ‘leagues’ are nonsense and friends should lift each other up, not tear them down—if she’s picky, that’s her choice to make.

happiestnexttoyou − People are allowed to have preferences. “Leagues” are ridiculous, anyway. My husband is WAY hotter than me, the idea that he shouldn’t have swiped right on me because he’s “out of my league” is frankly, absurd. Your friends are supposed to build you up, not tear you down.

Telling her she’s being unkind by judging these men so harshly is fair.. telling her she’s “in the same league” as men she’s clearly not attracted to and that she should aim lower is awful, and imo, not how a friend should behave.

We should all be free to pursue people we’re attracted to.. maybe she’s shrinking her pool of candidates by only liking hotter men, but that’s her problem and perfectly reasonable if that’s her preference. Some people are fussy. And sometimes those people end up alone. That’s their cross to bear..you tearing down your “friend” isn’t a solution.

Another user said this isn’t really OP’s problem to fix—sometimes it’s better to just nod and move on unless it starts affecting your own peace.

Frigate_Orpheon − I really don't think it's your responsibility to manage this problem. This is a more or less, nod along and 'wow, that sucks' kind of situation. Where it gets tricky is when it bleeds into your personal life and your friend is constantly on it. The it's like 'Hey, I need to take a break from relationship talk for a while.

One commenter felt OP acted out of annoyance, not care—if the friend’s overconfidence is tiring, it’s better to set a boundary than try to knock her down.

lastofthe_timeladies − You don't like that she's over-confident. So your options are a) choose to spend your time with more modest friends, b) change the subject whenever dating apps/dating comes up to avoid this point of contention or c) make her feel *less* confident about herself.

To me, 'taking her down a peg' was the mean choice. The nature of your delivery makes it seem like you tried to make her feel worse about herself because you were annoyed, not out of genuine concern for your friend's wellbeing.

YTA I'll tell you what my mom told me when I was up to here hearing my friend complain about her a**hole boyfriend she would never stand up to: just tell her you don't want to talk about it anymore.

Someone suggested it’s better to let her figure it out on her own—unless OP keeps pushing it, then it might just ruin the friendship.

hipppononymous - I mean…you could stick to your guns trying to convince her, and likely burn the friendship in the process…OR let the apps/society do their thing til she eventually realizes it on her own. Edit to add: NTA yet unless you keep saying it.

Are these takes pure gold or just Reddit’s peanut gallery dishing out hot air? You decide!

This Redditor’s attempt to ground their friend’s lofty dating app expectations sparked a feud that’s pure internet catnip. Was the “same league” comment a harsh but needed reality check, or did it bruise an already fragile ego? Should the friend keep chasing her dream guy, or give “average” a shot for the sake of couple selfies? And how would you handle a pal who’s swiping left on everyone but still wants love? Share your hot takes below!

Annie Nguyen

Annie Nguyen

Hi, I'm Annie Nguyen. I'm a freelance writer and editor for Daily Highlight with experience across lifestyle, wellness, and personal growth publications. Living in San Francisco gives me endless inspiration, from cozy coffee shop corners to weekend hikes along the coast. Thanks for reading!

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