“My name is supposed to be mine, but suddenly it’s being handed over like a party favour.”
Seventeen-year-old Rarity thought her unique first and middle names made her stand out in a good way. Then her half-brother Kurtis announced that he and his wife Kendall plan to name their baby girl exactly the same first and middle name.
With the same last name (yes, he took her surname), the overlap feels like more than coincidence. Her parents call it “sweet.” Rarity calls it weird. She voiced her discomfort, pointing out confusion, identity issues, but the conversation quickly turned: she became the unsupportive one.
Now, read the full story:
I felt a tug of recognition reading Rarity’s story, the uncomfortable jolt when something personal is mirrored back at you without your consent. She isn’t rejecting kindness, she’s registering a boundary. Her name is part of her sense of self, and now that part is being repurposed in a way that unsettles her. It’s understandable she feels sidelined.
This feeling of identity overlap, of being asked to share something meant to be uniquely yours, is more emotional than it first looks.
At its core, this situation revolves around identity and the subtle dynamics of naming. For Rarity, her name connects her to her story: unique, recognized, her own. When someone else in her immediate family adopts the exact same name, it’s not just an odd coincidence: it can feel like the anchor of her identity is being moved or shared.
As an article in Psychology Today explains, and I quote:
“Naming a child is the first and most far-reaching act of parenting … a name is something that a person must contend with throughout an entire lifetime.”
Which means this choice isn’t trivial, it sets the tone for how the bearer will be seen, treated and think about themselves.
Research shows that when siblings have very similar names, confusion and identity blurring actually increase. A study found:
“Psychology researchers find parents set themselves up for speech errors when they give their children similar-sounding names.”
If your half-sister and your baby cousin share the exact first and middle name, you enter a zone of potential mix-ups, and that can feel more invasive than you expect.
Here’s a deeper layer: the “name-letter effect” suggests people show preference for letters in their own name, tying identity to even the smallest parts of their name.
That suggests your name doesn’t just label you, it represents you in a symbolic way. Sharing that symbol can feel like a dilution of self.
What this means for Rarity?
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She may feel her uniqueness is being overridden.
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Her emotional response is valid, she isn’t just being “ungrateful.”
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The brother’s stated intent (“hope the baby is just like me”) adds a layer of expectation, which binds the name to comparison and identity mimicry, and that puts pressure on both children.
Actionable insights for this situation:
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Have a calm, private conversation with your brother & sister-in-law. Use “I” statements: “I feel like my name is part of my identity and I’m uneasy about this overlap.”
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Suggest alternatives: propose that they use a different middle name or nickname, or choose a variation. It’s not about vetoing the whole name but adjusting it so you feel respected.
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Set your boundary: If the baby ends up with the exact same name, decide how you will respond (e.g., you might ask to go by a nickname in family spaces so you maintain your distinct identity).
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Seek to understand their motive: If they genuinely admire you, ask them to express that in a way that doesn’t erase your uniqueness (maybe the baby could have a middle name referencing you, rather than the full name).
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Stay connected while protecting your self: You can still love and support the new baby without sacrificing your feeling of “being seen.” Protecting your identity doesn’t mean being unsupportive.
The message here isn’t “you can’t do that” but “when you do that, it affects me.” Families are full of naming traditions, reuse, honouring, but context and consent matter. In this story, the emotional impact rests on the fact that Rarity had no say, yet the name being chosen is intimately tied to her. That matters. It’s about recognition, respect, and shared space in family identity.
Check out how the community responded:
Team OP: calling out the identity clash.
Practical/legal red-flags: name confusion warning.
Questioning motive and deeper weirdness.
Advice: talk it out, don’t escalate.
Societal/social confusion: the ripple of identical names.
Rarity’s uneasy feeling isn’t just about a name, it’s about being acknowledged as her own person. While siblings and baby cousins often share touches of identity in families, this goes deeper: she’s being asked to share her name without being asked for her consent. That matters.
What would you do if your name got recycled in this way? Would you insist on the uniqueness of your name, or would you step back and let it happen with some modifications? Could the family find a compromise that protects everyone’s feeling of individuality?
