Wife Blames Her Affair On Postpartum Depression, But Her Husband’s Not Buying It

Postpartum depression can transform even the strongest relationships, leaving both partners lost and hurting. For one couple, what started as a difficult adjustment to parenthood ended in a heartbreaking act of betrayal.

After months of emotional turmoil, a husband learned that his wife had kissed another man and then blamed it on her mental state. While she eventually got the help she needed, he couldn’t bring himself to forgive her, no matter how much she begged.

Scroll down to see how this emotional dilemma left readers divided on whether heartbreak or healing should come first.

A husband struggles to move past betrayal after his wife kisses another man and pleads for forgiveness

In this scenario, the original poster (OP) is grappling with a deeply hurtful breach of trust: their wife, who gave birth about a year ago and was later diagnosed with Postpartum Depression (PPD), admitted to kissing another man at a time when she alleged the OP had cheated.

The wife’s mental-health crisis context complicates how the OP perceives the act: on one hand, he views the kiss as infidelity that he cannot tolerate; on the other, the wife connects it to her severe emotional distress during PPD.

Opposing perspectives emerge: the OP sees a clear boundary violation and believes forgiveness is not warranted; the wife (and likely mental-health advocates) may argue that the PPD created impaired judgement and extraordinary emotional dysregulation.

From a motivational perspective, the OP’s stance arises from a commitment not to accept cheating, an act undermining relational promise and emotional safety.

When someone crosses that line, regardless of circumstance, he concludes that the relationship cannot continue.

In contrast, the wife’s motivation may reflect the unrelenting strain of PPD: mood swings, paranoia, irritability, impulsivity, and distorted perceptions are listed among PPD symptoms.

Moreover, research by Mayo Clinic indicates that PPD can severely impact marital dynamics: couples facing PPD often struggle with communication, support deficits, emotional disconnection and increased conflict.

The wife’s action might thus be viewed through the lens of an untreated mental-health episode, rather than a purely deliberate betrayal.

Zooming out, the broader social issue this case highlights is how mental-health crises like PPD intersect with couple relationships and fidelity norms. PPD affects up to 10–20 % of new mothers (and may extend beyond a year postpartum). PostpartumDepression.org

The condition places enormous stress on both partners, often leading to misunderstandings, resentment, diminished intimacy, and moral-emotional dilemmas.

When one partner’s behaviour during such a crisis crosses relational boundaries (for example, engaging in infidelity, emotional lashing out, or abandonment), the other partner is then confronted with a question: Is this an actionable betrayal, or a symptom of an impaired state requiring treatment and integration?

Public discourse tends to lean either toward unconditional forgiveness (“it was the illness”) or toward zero tolerance (“infidelity is always a deal breaker”), but real life imposes a more complex middle ground.

Advice & Solutions

1. Firstly, the OP and his wife should engage in an open conversation (ideally mediated by couples therapy) where both acknowledge the facts: the wife kissed another person, the OP felt betrayed, the wife was diagnosed with PPD. Clarifying what happened, how they each felt then and now, and what the underlying emotional drivers were can help.

2. The wife should continue / complete her mental-health treatment (therapy, medication, monitoring) to address her PPD fully. Given how PPD affects marital satisfaction and relational function, both partners would benefit from seeing how the illness shaped behaviour.

3. The OP needs to reflect on his threshold for trust restoration: he states that he would have forgiven “if she had stabbed him,” but not for cheating. He might benefit from exploring whether his boundary is absolute, or whether some incidents (especially under illness) warrant conditional forgiveness or rebuilding.

4. Together, they should devise a plan for rebuilding or safely exiting: if they wish to attempt salvage, they need structured steps (therapeutic sessions, honesty checkpoints, rebuilding intimacy, setting clear expectations).

If ending the marriage remains the decision, doing so with clarity, fairness, and consideration for their child (co-parenting plan, emotional closure) is vital.

5. Finally, the OP should consider the child’s welfare and long-term family dynamics: how will divorce or separation affect their daughter? Regardless of the decision, planning for the child’s emotional support, stability, and parental cooperation is essential.

Here’s the feedback from the Reddit community:

These Redditors pointed out that the wife’s mother played a toxic role in worsening her mental state

These commenters argued that postpartum depression isn’t an excuse for infidelity or manipulation

These users emphasized that the wife’s condition likely resembled postpartum psychosis, not depression

These folks acknowledged the seriousness of mental illness and suggested therapy or counseling

So, what would you do if the person you loved betrayed you while they weren’t themselves? Could you rebuild, or would walking away be the only path to peace? Share your thoughts below!