Wife Divorces Dementia-Stricken Husband After He Beats Her, Sabotages Career, Blames Disease

A fierce woman, scarred by bruises and career sabotage, filed for divorce from her husband battling early-onset dementia and military trauma. Their whirlwind romance, sparked in an inpatient facility, crumbled under violent outbursts that left her face marked and job in ruins.

Guilt gnaws as he enters memory care, but staying meant courting danger. Reddit’s gripped by this thriller of love turned self-destruction, debating abuse, duty, and when protecting yourself trumps vows.

A woman divorces her abusive, dementia-afflicted husband after repeated violence.

This Redditor’s story spotlights the brutal clash between self-preservation and that nagging “in sickness and health” vow, except when “sickness” means fists flying and careers crumbling.

First off, the core issue: two domestic violence incidents, the second leaving visible facial marks she couldn’t downplay.

Her husband, 20+ years older with pre-existing anger issues from military head injuries, got diagnosed with frontotemporal dementia (FTD).

The first time, he begged forgiveness, claiming no memory of trying to tank her job by calling her boss.

The second? She saw the pattern and filed amid a no-contact order.

Opposing views might argue dementia erodes control, turning him into a victim too. But that’s no free pass for harm. His moral compass was shaky even before symptoms, as she notes from their inpatient meet-cute.

His outbursts were fuel by traumatic experience, possibly amplified by FTD’s impulsivity. Meanwhile, she was thriving hard to survive, plain and simple, with a career, rent, dog, and life to protect.

Flip the script, and critics could say she bailed at his lowest, triggering a “dementia spiral” via stress. Yet evidence points elsewhere. FTD progresses relentlessly, violence often escalates.

Zoom out to family dynamics in aging partnerships: the CDC reports that about 1 in 10 adults over 65 experiences abuse, but elder-perpetrated violence flips the script, straining caregivers.

A 2023 AARP study highlights how dementia spikes aggression in 30-50% of cases, burdening spouses disproportionately, often women juggling jobs and guilt.

Enter expert insight: “Caretakers’ safety is incredibly important,” says Amy Berman, registered nurse and expert in geriatric care, as well as the senior program officer at The John A. Harford Foundation. “Even though they understand the disease… they should never just accept that this [violent behavior] is the norm. This can turn your life upside down. It’s important they get the help they need.”

This nails the Redditor’s bind. His condition explains but doesn’t excuse. Her exit prioritizes life over lifelong vigil. Neutral advice? Consult domestic violence hotlines (like the US National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-7233) for tailored exits, explore legal safeguards like guardianships for him, and therapy for her guilt. Solutions: support groups for spouses of dementia patients who’ve left abusive situations.

See what others had to share with OP:

Many emphasize that dementia does not excuse past abuse.

Some assert OP has no ongoing responsibility post-divorce.

Others stress violence justifies leaving regardless of cause.

A few people urge OP to prioritize safety and move forward.

A few others share experiences of dementia-related violence.

In the end, this Redditor traded a volatile vow for freedom, packing his belongings and photos while dodging blame for his memory care plunge.

Guilt lingers, but so does the truth: abuse twice was a pattern, not a glitch.

Do you think her no-contact divorce was the ultimate self-save, or did dementia demand one more chance?

How would you balance being a partner’s lifeline without becoming their target? Spill your thoughts!