A new dad, blissfully married with a lively 10-month-old, reels when his wife’s cheating ex-husband becomes paralyzed chest-down in a bizarre mishap. With zero relatives helping, she insists on full-time caregiving, inside their home, for their 10-year-old son’s sake. Husband’s instincts roar “no,” yet guilt clashes with fury.
Reddit’s ablaze: saintly co-parenting or marital suicide? This trust tornado splits the crowd on compassion versus self-preservation, turning domestic calm into a ticking emotional bomb.
A husband opposes his wife caring for her abusive, paralyzed ex at home.
A wife past life was made a nightmare by her ex-husband. Now he is in the wheelchair, without anyone taking care of him. So the heroic wife offers help.
At its core, the husband (let’s call him OP for original poster) is staring down a proposal that flips his family dynamic upside down.
His wife, fresh off a divorce fueled by infidelity and physical harm, wants to play nurse to the man who hurt her.
OP’s main beef? This is relocating a quadriplegic adult into their home, complete with 24/7 needs that could eclipse their marriage and baby.
On the flip side, the wife’s motivation shines through compassion: the ex is her child’s dad, and they’ve kept things civil post-custody. It’s a classic tug-of-war between empathy for a co-parent and protecting your current nest.
Zoom out, and this highlights broader family boundary blunders. Many dive into caregiving out of guilt or duty, only to burn out fast.
According to the Family Caregiver Alliance, over 53 million Americans provide unpaid care, with 60% reporting high emotional stress – often leading to resentment or health dips.
In OP’s case, adding an abusive history amps the risk; old patterns don’t vanish with paralysis.
Relationship therapist Esther Perel, in a The Atlantic piece on modern love, puts it bluntly: “When you have children with someone, the relationship doesn’t end – it transforms. The goal is to move from lovers to co-parents, but that doesn’t mean you become best friends or that you owe each other unlimited care.”
This lands squarely on OP’s dilemma—co-parenting the 10-year-old is one thing, turning the family home into a rehab ward for an abusive ex is another.
Neutral ground? Explore alternatives like professional facilities or shared visitation for the son.
OP could propose funding a care aide or rehab program, framing it as team parenting without home invasion.
Chat openly: “I support your heart, but let’s safeguard our family first.”
See what others had to share with OP:
Some highlight the extreme physical demands of full-time caregiving.
Some insist professional facilities are safer and more practical.
![[Reddit User] − Nta Nope, and I would make it clear that you and baby will leave if she does so.](https://dailyhighlight.com/wp-content/uploads/2025/11/wp-editor-1762137947892-9.webp "Wife Plans To Care For Paralyzed Abusive Ex At Home Despite 10-Month-Old Baby's Need For Attention")
Some note the ex forfeited help through abuse and cheating.
Some frame it as choosing between current family and ex.
Some urge open discussion and family-first boundaries.
This Redditor’s standoff boils down to love’s limits. Can compassion for an ex trump a fresh start, especially with tiny toes toddling around?
Do you think the wife’s offer is noble co-parenting or a fast track to family fracture?
How would you draw the line if an ex’s crisis crashed your doorstep?
