A sweet baby shower turned into a quiet little identity crisis over one tiny board book.
The original poster, a lesbian woman, thought she knew exactly who her friend “Tiffany” was. Straight, white, raised in a conservative family, but proudly pro-civil rights now. Tiffany posted ally content, talked about LGBTQ rights, and framed herself as the one who “broke away” from her upbringing.
So when OP wrapped up a stack of children’s books, including Rainbow: A First Book of Pride – a bright, simple toddler book about colors, love, and different family types – she thought she was giving the perfect ally-library starter pack. Something cute. Something gentle. Something that quietly says: “Your kid will grow up knowing my family is normal too.”
Instead, Tiffany’s mom called it “propaganda.” Tiffany went quiet. The room got weird. And later, outside by the trash bags, Tiffany told OP she had “embarrassed” her and “gone off registry.”
The friendship suddenly felt a lot less rainbow.
Now, read the full story:
Honestly, my heart breaks a bit for OP here. She walked into that shower thinking, “I am celebrating my friend and her baby, and I’m quietly making sure there’s at least one book in this house where a kid with two moms or two dads feels normal.”
Instead, her gift got labeled “propaganda” in front of everyone, while religious books slid by as totally fine. That double standard hits hard when your entire existence usually ends up in the “controversial” column.
What hurt even more was not the mom. The mom is openly conservative and already judgmental. OP expected that. The real sting came from Tiffany, who calls herself an ally but called the Pride book “embarrassing” and blamed OP for “bringing drama,” instead of saying, “Hey Mom, a board book about rainbows is not an attack.”
This is exactly the kind of moment where allyship proves if it is real or just for social media.
Now let’s zoom out for a bit. This story sits at the intersection of three big themes:
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What real allyship looks like
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Why LGBTQ-inclusive kids’ books matter
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How people manage conservative family dynamics
1. Allies who flinch when it gets uncomfortable
Psychologists from Psychology Today have a term for “ally” behavior that only appears when it is low-risk and looks good: performative allyship. It describes people from a dominant group who signal support for a marginalized group, but in ways that are easy, cost nothing, and do not challenge the status quo.
A recent paper goes even further and defines performative allyship as “easy and costless actions” that often serve the ally’s image more than the marginalized group.
Posting rainbow flags on Facebook? Easy. Telling your conservative mom, “Hey, that book is fine, please don’t insult my friend’s gift”? That takes real effort and risk.
True allyship, as one Psychology Today piece puts it, involves consistent, active behavior and a willingness to do hard, uncomfortable work, not just nice words.
In this case, Tiffany chose comfort with her family over solidarity with her friend, then turned around and blamed the friend for “embarrassing” her. That is a classic performative move.
2. Are LGBTQ-inclusive picture books “propaganda”?
Short answer: no. Long answer: kids’ books that include queer families do exactly what any good children’s literature does. They offer mirrors and windows.
Studies of LGBTQ-inclusive children’s books in school settings show that inclusive stories help children reflect on values and assumptions, challenge stereotypes, and build respect for themselves and others.
Research on picture books with LGBTQ characters finds that accurate, inclusive portrayals give LGBTQ kids positive role models and help all children understand different kinds of families.
One recent report on diverse books even found that access to inclusive stories can improve reading proficiency and help narrow achievement gaps.
So no, “Rainbow: A First Book of Pride” is not some sinister brainwashing tool. It is a board book about colors and love that quietly teaches empathy. That is less “propaganda” and more “baseline decency.”
3. Conservative families and the “keep the peace” bargain
A lot of commenters brought this up, and they are right about one thing: people from conservative families often walk a tightrope. Some avoid hot topics like LGBTQ rights around relatives because every conversation turns into a fight.
Research on conservative families and LGBTQ topics shows that strong religious or political beliefs can drive conflict, rejection, or attempts to suppress certain subjects.
People who grow up in that environment often learn three survival strategies:
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Fight constantly
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Leave
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Keep their true views quiet around family
Tiffany likely lives in strategy number three. She supports LGBTQ rights in safe contexts, but avoids challenging her family during “nice” events. That struggle is real.
Here is the thing though: OP did not bring a protest sign. She brought a baby book. And Tiffany did not just say, “Hey, this is tricky with my family.” She called the gift “embarrassing,” sided with the person mocking it, and blamed OP for the fallout.
That shifts the weight from “I’m trying to keep peace” to “I am willing to throw you under the bus to keep peace.”
So, what could a healthier response look like?
For Tiffany:
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She could keep the book for home and say something simple to her mom like, “It is just a kids’ book. Please don’t insult my friend’s gift.”
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If she truly cannot push back on her mother, she could at least talk to OP later with empathy: “I love the book, I’m sorry my family reacted like that, I felt caught and handled it badly.”
For OP:
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She already did the main healthy thing: she did not escalate during the shower. She answered one hypocrisy comment, then let it go.
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Going forward, she can quietly clock that Tiffany is an ally only inside certain boundaries. She can choose how much emotional energy to invest in that friendship.
This is not just about one board book. It is about whether OP’s existence counts as “embarrassing” around Tiffany’s family.
Check out how the community responded:
These commenters saw the book as a sweet, normal gift and felt the real problem was Tiffany’s conditional allyship.
This group agreed the family is bigoted, but felt OP misread the room and dropped a “hot topic” into a fragile space.
Some people felt the book itself was fine, but thought both OP and Tiffany mishandled the situation.
This story is not really about one rainbow board book. It is about what happens when someone says, “I am your ally,” then quietly treats your existence as a problem they need to hide from their family.
OP did what a lot of queer people do with friends they trust. She folded her own life into a gift for the next generation. She assumed that in this house, this baby would grow up seeing families like hers as normal. When that gift got labeled “propaganda,” and her friend called it “embarrassing,” the mask slipped.
Tiffany sits in a hard place between her beliefs and her family’s. That tension is real. But at some point, her comfort cannot always outrank her friend’s dignity. You can avoid political debates with your relatives without throwing your queer friends under the table with the wrapping paper.
So OP now has a hard, clear truth: Tiffany supports her online and in private, but not when it might cost social comfort.
What would you do here? Would you apologize just to keep the friendship, or would you quietly step back from someone who finds your existence “too embarrassing” for her baby shower?
