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Woman Buys Luxury Car, Refuses To Reward Salesman Who Ignored Her

by Layla Bui
December 18, 2025
in Social Issues

Sometimes the smallest interactions reveal the biggest assumptions. Who gets addressed first, who is deferred to, and who is treated as the real decision maker can say a lot without a single insult ever being spoken.

The OP thought she was in for a straightforward car-buying experience. Instead, she found herself repeatedly redirected during conversations that were meant to be about her purchase.

As the situation unfolded, she faced a choice between correcting the moment or stepping away entirely. Her decision led to a smooth transaction elsewhere, but not everyone agreed with how she handled it. Scroll down to see why this story reignited a familiar debate about professionalism and accountability.

A woman visits a dealership to replace her 35-year-old car and buy a high-end luxury model outright

Woman Buys Luxury Car, Refuses To Reward Salesman Who Ignored Her
Not the actual photo

'AITA for costing a car salesmen his commission?'

I need a new car as my old ones is over 35 years old and on it's last legs.

I also decided to get a upper end luxury car which was a huge upgrade from my old but reliable Volvo since I figured I'd earned it and I could...

I took my boyfriend with me to the dealership as you do as a couple.

A salesman approached us and the entire time, from the start to finish, kept talking to my boyfriend even though

I clearly introduced myself and told him the car was for me and that I would be paying outright for it.

My boyfriend was off put by thing and kept referring the salesman to me when he asked my boyfriend a question and even pointedly

said at some point " I don't know, it's Delicious Cancel's car, ask her".

The salesmen would then look at me, I'd answer and then the next question, back to my boyfriend.

The only question I was asked was around colour preference and leather vs fabric interior.

I was kind of internally fuming at this point. The final straw was after the test drive (of course he gave the keys to my BF),

I said that I really liked the guy and he turned to my BF and asked if he should get the paperwork ready.

I interjected and said I wanted to think about it. I had already decided on the car but I didn't want to commission to go to him.

My boyfriend could tell I was a bit upset about this interaction and offered to go to another dealership with me tomorrow or leave a review or something.

So we left and came back the next morning, a different salesperson greeted us and this one was much better, ridiculously charming, flattered me

by saying a hard working woman like me deserved a good car and all the flattery I was expecting when being sold to.

I told him we'd driven the car yesterday and decided to buy it and we did, no hassles.

I even managed to negotiate some extras since I told him I was giving him a sale for very little effort on his part.

I was recounting this story to a friend of mine yesterday who is sales (but in IT) told me I was a bit of an a__hole

because the previous salesman had done all the work and I gave the sale to someone else when I was wanting to buy the car anyway.

He said I should have asserted myself a bit more on the spot and given the previous salesman more of a chance rather than try to s__ew

him over behind his back because now he'd never know why he'd lost the sales.

He also said that sales was a tough job and maybe old habits die hard.

Or if I didn't want to buy from him at all, I should have given him a concrete reason so he could learn.

I think my thing is, it's 2020 and it's basic sales 101 to speak to the person who holds the purse-strings.

Also it's not my job to teach a saleperson anything, I just want to have a smooth experience buying a car.

So AITA for going out of my way to not give a sale to what I believed was a sexist salesman?

There is a universal frustration that many people recognize: knowing exactly what you want, being fully capable of making a decision, and yet having that authority repeatedly ignored.

Whether it’s in a professional setting, a personal discussion, or a major purchase, being overlooked can feel dismissive, demeaning, and downright infuriating. Most of us have felt the disconnect between what we intend and how others perceive us.

In this story, the OP wasn’t just buying a luxury car she was navigating a scenario where her confidence and autonomy were subtly but persistently undermined. Despite clearly communicating that the car was hers and that she intended to pay outright, the first salesman consistently redirected his attention to her boyfriend.

This pattern of deflection from eye contact to questions to handing over the car keys created a growing emotional strain. Her experience highlights a dynamic where intentions and identity feel overshadowed by external assumptions, leaving her to weigh not just the purchase but also the respect she received during the interaction.

A different psychological perspective emphasizes how subtle patterns of behavior, even without overt hostility, can shape a person’s perception of respect and fairness.

Social scientists describe micro-inequities as small, often unconscious acts that convey exclusion or disregard, like consistently redirecting questions away from someone who is clearly the decision-maker.

These behaviors can accumulate and influence how a person feels about their status in a situation. Micro-inequities were originally defined by researcher Mary Rowe as “apparently small events, covert, often unintentional, frequently unrecognized by the perpetrator, which occur wherever people are perceived to be different.”

Understanding this concept helps explain why the OP’s reaction was more than just inconvenience. The repeated deflections were not overtly hostile, but they communicated something important: her presence and voice were not being fully acknowledged.

Psychologists note that when people feel dismissed even at a subtle level, their instinct is to seek environments where they feel empowered rather than undermined. Choosing a different salesperson who engaged her directly was not just a purchase decision. It was an emotional response to being treated as the rightful decision maker.

This does not mean the first salesman deserves no credit for the initial interaction, but it reframes the OP’s choice as one rooted in self-respect rather than vindictiveness. Respect is part of the service experience, just like price and car performance.

When respect was absent, the OP chose a context where she felt valued, leading to a smoother purchase and a more positive experience. Stories like this invite readers to reflect on how subtle behavior influences not only sales outcomes but also everyday interactions. Respect, after all, is not optional; it is fundamental to fair and human-centered exchanges.

Here’s the input from the Reddit crowd:

These commenters agreed the salesman lost his own commission by ignoring the buyer

longleggedgiraffe − NTA. He cost himself the commission, not you.

mercifulamedei − NTA since salesman 1 was selling your boyfriend the car, his commission should be based on whether your boyfriend buys a car.

Stup2plending − NTA this is nonsense about it being old school or old habits.

He did a crappy job because he did not identify (or choose to) and deal with the one making the actual purchase decision.

He doesn't deserve the sale. Any good salesperson knows you get to the one making the decision and deal with them

[Reddit User] − NTA. Sales isn't about working hard; its about closing sales. I've literally sat down and gone over home reno projects for hours

just to have a similar dismissive statement happen against my wife (who will be running the show while I'm at work during said projects no less).

Their competitor only had to talk price; all the educational work was done and I knew what I wanted. Want your sales? Don't be a d__k.

These users backed OP, sharing sexism experiences and supporting her choice

Whisky-Toad − NTA, typical for car salesmen to ignore the women and talk to the man, but you made it more than clear it was all on you,

personally I’d make sure to let him or his boss know why he didn’t get the sale, maybe then he might reconsider how he treats potential customers

MarrissaCooper − NTA and your friend is a complete i__ot. You get sales by gasp being a good salesperson! He was not.

And there's nothing worse as a female, then going into shops & dealerships and being treated like you're a total i__ot.

I would've called the first sales guy out on it, but I'm a pretty up front person.

goodstuff2020 − NTA - Being a female in tech as long as I have, real tech not play with stuff, I've had this a lot.

Now being middle aged but in a new era, some will and some won't assume that I'm an i__ot about tech.

It's always pleasant to try to speak to someone and have them act like you don't exist and go about their business like you are completely irrelevant to the situation.

The guy was a jerk and screwed himself out of the sale. I think you handled it well.

Oh had to add - Went to buy a van and the salesman takes me to the lot of vans and asks what color I want.

I told him they are brand new so paint is good (not old) and I don't care the color. Then I gave him a list of things I wanted or...

He seemed to get the hint and was much nicer about treating me like I had a brain. I bought the one we found.

This user urged OP to escalate the issue with complaints to management

tch98 − NTA - id go one step further and leave an online complaint, and call the manager and complain too

These commenters, from sales backgrounds, said the salesman failed basic sales skills

Wise_Possession − NTA. I used to work at a dealership. I would say you should tell the salesman you bought from or the finance manager or someone why you changed...

partly so they can tell he guy to stop, partly because he likely got half the commission anyway, if they dont know he did a poor job. You could still...

Unfortunately it's still a major issue in the auto industry that women are disregarded, and it used to p__s me off if I saw any of my guys doing it.

I made sure several lost half commissions for doing that - they only did it once. But you are not at all the a__hole for changing salespeople - just let...

The managers will want to know since next time they could lose the sale all together.

DHG_Buddha − NTA you should have told him that you were going to buy the car, but not from him because he kept ignoring you assuming

your BF was the decision maker even though he had been corrected more than once. I work sales and it's our job to pick up on these things.

If he didn't that means he did a poor job and doesn't deserve the sale.

This group accused the post of being a repost and questioned its authenticity

farhan583 − YTA because I've seen this exact post, word-for-word, on this sub before. Wtf.

Swellercash − I could have sworn I read this identical story on here a few months.

frickin_icarus − jesus christ this is posted every month. do the mods only not care to remove reposts when its a sexism feel good story?

These commenters stressed that commission goes to closers, not effort

[Reddit User] − NTA. I threw out a salesman once who insisted o on speaking to a man despite me repeatedly telling him I was the customer.

(Seriously, he went through the whole list, insisting he should speak to my husband, boyfriend, father, brother, maybe a male relative who might know more about this?). And I complained...

[Reddit User] − NTA, everyone in commission sales knows “spoils go to the closer”. Don’t feel guilty, not in the slightest.

This story struck a nerve because it reflects a familiar dilemma: should buyers educate, confront, or quietly exit when respect goes missing? Many readers sympathized with the choice to walk away, seeing it less as punishment and more as self-respect in action. Others wondered whether direct feedback could have sparked change.

So what do you think? Was choosing another salesperson a fair response, or should the moment have been handled face-to-face?

When professionalism slips, is silence a statement or a missed opportunity? Share your take below.

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF THIS STORY?

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF THIS STORY?

OP Is Not The AH (NTA) 1/1 votes | 100%
OP Is Definitely The AH (YTA) 0/1 votes | 0%
No One Is The AH Here (NAH) 0/1 votes | 0%
Everybody Sucks Here (ESH) 0/1 votes | 0%
Need More INFO (INFO) 0/1 votes | 0%

Layla Bui

Layla Bui

Hi, I’m Layla Bui. I’m a lifestyle and culture writer for Daily Highlight. Living in Los Angeles gives me endless energy and stories to share. I believe words have the power to question the world around us. Through my writing, I explore themes of wellness, belonging, and social pressure, the quiet struggles that shape so many of our lives.

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