Some family stories feel like they’re written for a courtroom drama rather than real life. A woman on Reddit revealed that at 17, she was pressured into carrying a pregnancy she didn’t want. Now, more than a decade later, her ex-boyfriend and parents want her to step into the role of “mom” for the child she never chose to have.
The twist? She legally gave up her parental rights years ago, never looked back, and says she has no regrets, except that she wasn’t allowed to have an abortion in the first place. But with her daughter now 12 and asking questions, the past is catching up. And Reddit had plenty to say about whether she owes her biological child more than silence.
A woman refused contact with her 12-year-old daughter after a coerced pregnancy and traumatic birth, sparking fury from her ex and parents
This story captures one of the most difficult intersections between personal autonomy, family pressure, and the rights of a child. The OP was a teenager coerced into continuing a pregnancy she did not want, later relinquishing all parental rights. Now, over a decade later, her ex and parents expect her to “reconsider” because the child, now 12, wants answers.
On one hand, the child’s curiosity is entirely natural. Research from the Adoption Network highlights that more than 90% of adoptees express a desire to know about their biological parents at some point, not necessarily to establish a relationship, but to understand their origins. For a young person, unanswered questions can feel like a missing piece of identity.
But equally valid is the OP’s trauma. The World Health Organization recognizes coerced pregnancy and birth as forms of reproductive violence with long-term consequences, including PTSD. Expecting someone to reopen contact when that very pregnancy was the source of lasting psychological harm ignores the survivor’s right to safety and recovery.
Clinical psychologist Dr. Thema Bryant, president of the American Psychological Association, has noted: “Healing requires boundaries, and survivors of trauma have a right to decide when and how they share their stories”. This directly applies here: OP is not obliged to retraumatize herself for closure someone else demands.
A constructive middle ground could be considered. Many therapists suggest preparing a neutral statement, possibly a letter, that clarifies the circumstances (“I did not choose to be pregnant; it was traumatic”) while offering essential medical history. This gives the child some answers without forcing OP into an unwanted relationship.
Here’s what Redditors had to say:
These users voted OP was not the jerk, saying the ex should handle explanations and calling out manipulative expectations
However, this trio voted everyone was wrong, arguing the child deserves closure
These users voted OP was the jerk, stressing the child’s need for a relationship and criticizing her abortion regret as hurtful
In the end, this isn’t just about whether she’s an “a**hole”, it’s about competing truths. A child wants answers, but the woman who birthed her never wanted to, and paid a heavy price. Reddit leaned toward supporting her right to say “no,” even when it stings.
So what do you think? Should someone who was forced into pregnancy owe their biological child an explanation, or is maintaining distance the only way to protect their hard-won peace?
