Some words can never be unheard. When a man admitted to his wife that he was worried he’d be “attracted” to their baby daughter one day, the room went cold. His reasoning? The child looked like her mother.
For the wife, that was enough to raise alarms, but when she voiced her concern, the situation exploded. Her husband claimed she had “damaged” him for thinking he’d ever hurt their daughter. Then came a shocking follow-up confession about how he once had similar feelings for his own mother.
Now this new mom can’t sleep, can’t look at him the same way, and doesn’t know if she’s wrong for feeling sick to her stomach.
A woman is disturbed by her husband’s comments about possibly finding their 3-month-old daughter attractive in the future
This is a situation that dives straight into boundaries, red flags, and the difference between intrusive thoughts and intention.
Dr. Judith Herman, in her work on trauma and abuse, reminds us that powerful speech, even speculative speech, can create a wound. When a parent voices sexual thoughts about a child, even hypothetically, it breaks the safety barrier that children need.
From a psychological perspective, intrusive thoughts are common, and unwanted sexual thoughts can occur in healthy minds. The key difference is distress, moral judgment, and unwillingness to act on them.
But when someone normalizes those thoughts (e.g. “everyone feels this way”), it becomes deeply troubling. The wife was correct to challenge him.
Parenting experts and child psychologists would caution that sexualizing a child in speech can create confusion, boundary issues, and internal conflict.
Children internalize their parents’ words. If a father repeatedly comments on her future body, it teaches her that her physical self is eternally sexual, even before she understands the concept.
Her statement, “worried you might find her attractive,” functions as a boundary-setting moment. She named her fear. While blame is heavy, refusing to silence the fear is self-protection.
In therapy, this would be a signal for intensive couples therapy or individual therapy for the husband. Revisiting boundaries, unspoken beliefs, and deeply held fears is essential. She didn’t do wrong by naming what felt unsafe to her.
See what others had to share with OP:
Reddit users called the husband’s comments wildly inappropriate
Many commenters labeled him a creep for normalizing sexual thoughts, urging OP to leave
This woman, sharing her father’s predatory behavior, pushed for divorce and protection
Another flagged the thoughts as pedophilic, not intrusive
![[Reddit User] − NTA. These are incestuous pedophilic thoughts, not normal thoughts all fathers have.](https://dailyhighlight.com/wp-content/uploads/2025/10/wp-editor-1760673269933-39.webp "Woman Horrified After Husband Confesses He Might Be Attracted To Their Daughter In The Future")
This group demanded therapy or separation to ensure OP’s daughter’s safety
What do you think? Would you have confronted him? Or held your silence and watched the doubt live inside you?
