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Woman Refuses Sister’s “Custody” Demand After Adopting The Kids She Abandoned Years Ago

by Annie Nguyen
December 14, 2025
in Social Issues

Few things spark stronger reactions than disputes involving children, especially when biology, legality, and emotional bonds collide. When family members disagree on what is best, lines are quickly drawn, and every decision feels loaded with long-term consequences.

In this case, the OP believed a chapter was closed years ago, with clear boundaries and legal decisions already made. Life, however, has a way of reopening doors people thought were locked.

Now, a request framed as reconnection is being interpreted as entitlement, leaving the OP questioning whether compromise is even possible.

As relatives weigh in and emotions escalate, the situation becomes less about the past and more about who gets to decide the future. Scroll down to read the full story and see why readers are struggling to agree on who is right.

After adopting her sister’s kids, a woman faces pressure when the bio mom wants custody

Woman Refuses Sister’s “Custody” Demand After Adopting The Kids She Abandoned Years Ago
Not the actual photo

'AITA for not letting my sister have "custody" of her bio kids, who I adopted?'

When my sister, Annie, was 18, and I was 21, she got pregnant and had a daughter, Sophie.

She developed what we believe was post partum depression, but was never diagnosed as she refused therapy.

When Annie's school started up again our mother took on all childcare of Sophie.

As mum took on more childcare, Annie seemed more like her old self (happy, outgoing, generally mentally healthy).

Then within 6 months of Sophie's birth, Annie got pregnant again with another girl, Laura, and the cycle of PPD symptoms, mum taking over, and Annie's mood improving repeated.

When Laura was 2 and Sophie was 3, Annie decided to move out of our parent's home, alone, and said she wanted our parents to adopt raise her daughters.

They said no. Annie said she couldn't take care of the girls as she had her own life and being a parent made her miserable.

My husband and I already had 4 kids of our own, we'd bonded with the girls, and we had the resources for 2 more,

so we offered to take them in, and Annie let us legally adopt them before moving about 8 hours away.

It's been about 5 years, and the kids are doing well. It was a rough start, but we're now a stable, loving, healthy family unit.

Sophie and Laura are 7 and 8, and Annie has recently lost her job and had to move back in with our parents.

Annie has now asked for "custody" of Sophie and Laura. I'm writing "custody" like that because it wouldn't be custody in the legal sense,

as she willingly surrendered all legal rights to the girls and can't get them back (we checked with a lawyer).

However, Annie wants the girls to live with her. Initially she said she wanted them full time and to legally adopt them back from us,

which we obviously refused, then she offered a "compromise" of alternate weeks, so 50/50 "custody". Again, we refused.

Given her insistence, we don't even want her around Sophie and Laura, so we've not been going by my parent's house as we typically do.

It's been a month of constant badgering, insisting we let Annie bond with "her" daughters, and allow her to at the very least

take them for overnight visits, saying that Annie had PPD 5 years ago, and now she's ready to be a parent.

I've responded that we are not babysitters, we are Sophie and Laura's parents, they're in a good place

and this will be detrimental to all 6 kids, and Annie doesn't get to step in now when she never stepped up in the first place.

The response from my parents and Annie is that I'm being unsympathetic to her PPD and I should let her at least have a chance, rather than deem her unfit

without giving her a chance to prove herself, plus given that we already have 4 kids other than them, Sophie and Laura could probably do with

a smaller household, and saying we're being unreasonable for not allowing Annie to bond with "her" kids.

People often assume that love and responsibility naturally go hand in hand, especially when it comes to caring for children. But life doesn’t always follow that simple equation.

Sometimes, individuals face emotional realities that make the hardest choices feel like the only choices available, and families can wrestle with questions of duty, capacity, and compassion that have no easy answers.

In this story, the core emotional tension isn’t just about legal rights or parenting schedules. It’s about abandonment and belonging, fear and readiness, stability and upheaval.

On one side is a woman who willingly gave up her legal parental rights years ago, then built a life that left little room for caregiving. On the other is a family that stepped into that role, offering not just shelter and food but the day-to-day continuity children need to thrive.

The sister’s recent return to the picture reopens old wounds and raises difficult questions about what it truly means to be a parent and whether past choices can be revisited without harm.

At the heart of these dynamics are deeper emotional and psychological truths. Postpartum depression, for example, is a clinically recognized condition that can severely impact a new parent’s ability to care for a child.

Psychology Today explains that PPD involves persistent sadness, anxiety, irritability, and other symptoms that can interfere with parenting and daily life, and importantly, that it affects a significant portion of new mothers and can extend well past the early weeks after birth when left untreated.

Recognizing this doesn’t excuse harmful behavior, but it does help explain why someone might withdraw from parenting when struggling with their mental health.

From the perspective of attachment and child development, research shows that consistency, safety, and predictability in caregiving are foundational for children’s emotional well-being.

Adoptive families often face complex feelings related to identity and belonging, and children may grapple with questions about who they are and where they fit, even in loving homes.

In this case, the adoptive parents prioritized stable routines and a loving environment, which aligns with what child psychologists identify as key factors in healthy development.

This story highlights a real dilemma: how to balance empathy for someone’s personal growth with responsibility to protect the well-being of children who depend on consistency.

Rather than framing the situation as “right” or “wrong,” it encourages readers to consider both psychological readiness and the importance of established bonds.

In families facing such turmoil, seeking professional support and open communication focused on the children’s needs rather than blame can help navigate these emotional crossroads with compassion and clarity.

These are the responses from Reddit users:

This group backed OP as the only real parents and urged protecting the kids’ stability

FactBearsEatBeetss − NTA NTA NTA NTA and PLEASE stand your ground. You have provided those two little girls with a stable, loving family for the last 5 years.

You are genuinely the only true mom and dad they’ve ever experienced and it is so unfair of your sister and parents

to expect you to relinquish custody of your daughters whom you have raised without any support or help from Annie.

PPD is totally possible, but even with PPD, had Annie adopted the children outside of your family, not only would she have absolutely

zero custodial rights to them but she wouldn’t even know them whatsoever. Being a parent is NOT something to get to be wishywashy about.

cabbage9988 − NTA. You’re the parents. She’s bored and looking to do a little fun bonding.

Protect your kids. She’s an Aunt at the table at Christmas, by her own choices.

Pretend-Panda − NTA. Those girls are not her children. They are your children, and they are part of a larger family in which they sound to be thriving.

You make the decisions for your children. Their aunts sudden desire to bond and take on a parental role is not indicative of a relationship with reality.

InsideWafer − NTA. As you said, adoption isn't some temporary thing, it's permanent.

You're their parents, the only parents they've truly known, and you can't just "rehome" them back to their biological mother

without causing lasting damage. Frankly, the fact that she expects that shows how unprepared she is to be a mother, as that is incredibly selfish.

If she didn't have the wrong attitude (one that will hurt the kids) then I can see how it may be good for them to get to know her

through supervised visits, but because she insists on being a parent, I think you're doing the best you can for them by keeping your distance for now.

These Reddit users agreed the sister’s return would unfairly uproot the children again

bybytheway − No way. You’re NTA at all. Those girls already started their life off with a parent that wasn’t present mentally and basically gave them up.

they don’t deserve to have their life be uprooted again with someone so unpredictable.

That’s just my opinion. Parents that step in and out of their children’s lives are the worst!

TimeandEntropy − NTA at all. She gave up her rights. She wasn't interested at all for 5 years. Doesn't seem like she was much interested before that.

It would be a terrible thing for the kids to be uprooted from their home environment and their siblings again particularly with the chance that

Annie will rediscover that having children requires time and effort and that being a parent makes her miserable all over again.

You are doing the right thing to protect your kids from your flaky sister. Your parents also aren't the girls parents - they don't get a say.

They enabled Annie and declined to keep the girls themselves, they need to keep their opinions to themselves.

Annie is no longer the person that matters, Sophie and Laura do and that kind of back and forth does not sound like a good idea.

awkwardly_competent − NTA She is feeling remorse now but was not in the girls' lives for 5 years. All of a sudden, she wants to be their mom.

The response from my parents and Annie is that I'm being unsympathetic to her PPD and I should let her at least have a chance, rather than deem

her unfit without giving her a chance to prove herself She had TWO CHANCES, their names (on this post) are Sophie and Laura, and she ABANDONED them to play single...

Plus given that we already have 4 kids other than them, Sophie and Laura could probably do with a smaller household, and saying

we're being unreasonable for not allowing Annie to bond with "her" kids. So they are implying that you guys are unfit parents (resource allocation-wise)

and they think it's better to rip them from the only home they have ever known and force them to be your sister's daughters?

That's horrible. Real talk: you may need to set up security cameras and alarms now that you have at least 3 people wanting access to your children.

You might even have an emergency family meeting to come up with a contingency plan if they show up at your house unannounced.

mlfern90 − Damn, a five year ppd episode. Um, no. They are your kids. Way to step up and continue the good job.

This group questioned the sister’s motives and doubted her readiness to parent now

This group questioned the sister’s motives and doubted her readiness to parent now

lovebeinganasshole − NTA. PPD my ass, not wanting to be a parent is not ppd its selfish lazy ass teenager.

The children do not need this type of upheaval in their lives she can have a relationship with them when they turn 18 if that's what they want.

Terradactyl87 − So wait, she lost her job and had to move back in with her parents, but she thinks now she should be allowed to raise these kids?

How the heck would that work? She's in no better a position now to raise them than she was 5 years ago, and you can't just give up your kids...

Sure, let her have a relationship with them, eventually, (assuming she calms down about wanting them back and she's able to fill a more aunt like role)

but these kids are a part of a family now and it's not fair to anyone to remove them from that, especially the girls.

What are your parents even thinking supporting this? And obviously, NTA

MadamKitsune − NTA. I'd be very suspicious about WHY she suddenly wants them back.

She's out of work is there any way that she could have a financial incentive, even if she's not the legal parent?

Would she expect you and ypur parents to keep giving her money "for the girls"?

These commenters stressed adoption is permanent and family ties don’t override it

mckinnos − NTA. She gave up all rights to the kids. You could let her visit them as a favor, but ultimately Sophie and Laura are your kids now.

Annie left them when it mattered most. For 5 YEARS. If this were an open adoption where you weren’t related to Annie, everyone would be horrified by this behavior.

Being family doesn’t give you a pass to be an AH.

BeepBlipBlapBloop − NTA - They are your kids. Were it me I would give my sister the chance to be a loving and involved aunt (which is her role)

with the understanding that she is not to undermine my authority role as a parent or the kids will not be allowed to spend time with her.

Until the kids are old enough to make their own decision about this you have to do what is best for them.

This user called for professional guidance, focusing on long-term child psychology

green_goblin23 − This seems like a question for a child psychologist who specializes in these types of cases.

The girls have a living mother who is now, essentially, their aunt. This is a complicated situation.

You clearly have their best interests at heart, so please discuss the case with someone qualified to figure out what their best interests

are based on the details of the situation and the research that exists on the short and long term effects of these decisions.

My guess is that they will recommend some type of visitation with their biological mother, hopefully alongside mandatory therapy for her as well.

ETA: NTA in that I think you have the children's best interests at heart. I still think that means it's necessary to get a professional involved.

I'm not an expert redditor, so not sure about upvotes or downvotes, but I admit I care less about them than about these kids having a good life.

OP came here with an incredibly complicated situation, I think the answer I gave is suitable.

Regarding visitation with bio-mom, I didn't say I necessarily advocate for it in any situation, but I'm guessing it would be part of the long-term

recommendation in this case, both because I believe that research shows contact with bio-parents is generally positive

(gross-overgeneralization of a field I am not anexpert in, but that's my general understanding)

and because the bio-mom isn't a random woman from three states over, she is the sister of one of the adoptive parents, meaning she is de-facto in their lives anyways.

This commenter emphasized children need stability, not a parent who once walked away.

[Reddit User] − No those kids need stability and they should definitely not be living with the woman who before decided she didn't want them anymore.

In the end, this story isn’t just about paperwork; it’s about who actually showed up when two little girls needed a parent. Annie may feel ready now, but parenthood isn’t something you clock back into after five years away.

OP drew a hard boundary to protect her daughters’ stability, and many readers would argue that’s the only responsible move.

But what do you think? Was OP fair to keep the lines firm, or should Annie get a second chance to prove she’s changed? Drop your take below!

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF THIS STORY?

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF THIS STORY?

OP Is Not The AH (NTA) 0/0 votes | 0%
OP Is Definitely The AH (YTA) 0/0 votes | 0%
No One Is The AH Here (NAH) 0/0 votes | 0%
Everybody Sucks Here (ESH) 0/0 votes | 0%
Need More INFO (INFO) 0/0 votes | 0%

Annie Nguyen

Annie Nguyen

Hi, I'm Annie Nguyen. I'm a freelance writer and editor for Daily Highlight with experience across lifestyle, wellness, and personal growth publications. Living in San Francisco gives me endless inspiration, from cozy coffee shop corners to weekend hikes along the coast. Thanks for reading!

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