Family and food often go hand in hand, but what happens when family members are never satisfied with anyone’s cooking? That’s the dilemma one woman shared on Reddit’s Am I the A**hole forum, and the story quickly stirred up debate.
Her in-laws had a long history of criticizing every dish they didn’t make themselves from neighborly casseroles to a child’s skewers at a barbecue. When they suddenly demanded that she whip up food for a christening after their caterer cancelled, she refused. And not just refused, she told them flat out she would never cook for ungrateful people.
A woman told her critical in-laws she’d never cook for them due to their ungrateful food complaints, leading to family tension and accusations
This story is a recipe for conflict that was bound to boil over. The original poster’s in-laws have a long-standing pattern of criticizing every dish made by outsiders, neighbors, friends, even a 12-year-old’s skewers weren’t safe from their complaints.
When asked to step in after a caterer canceled for a Christening, OP declined. The in-laws kept pressing, even showing up uninvited to her home. Finally, she told them she wouldn’t cook for “ungrateful people.” Predictably, they were offended.
From one perspective, the in-laws see food as a centerpiece of family gatherings, which makes them feel entitled to demand help. But the underlying issue isn’t food, it’s respect. If people have proven again and again that they’ll mock your efforts, why would anyone volunteer to be their next target? Their behavior points less to “refined tastes” and more to habitual ingratitude.
Research backs this up: a 2022 survey by the Greater Good Science Center at UC Berkeley found that people who frequently express gratitude report stronger relationships, while those who withhold it often breed tension and disconnection.
Psychologist Dr. Robert Emmons, one of the leading experts on gratitude, explains: “Gratitude blocks toxic emotions, such as envy, resentment, regret and depression. It’s impossible to feel envious and grateful at the same time.” Applied here, OP’s in-laws seem stuck in resentment mode, using criticism to bond, rather than gratitude to strengthen relationships.
What should OP do? She’s already set a firm boundary, which is healthy. Going forward, she and her husband can stick to a united script: “We’re not available for food prep, please make other arrangements.” It avoids repeating justifications that the in-laws will only twist. If pressed, redirect responsibility back to them, after all, if they only “trust” family cooking, then they should handle it themselves.
Here’s what Redditors had to say:
These users called the in-laws awful, and praised her for standing firm
This duo argued the in-laws’ complaints stem from insecurity, not taste, and stressed their ingratitude is unacceptable despite high standards
These commenters called the in-laws’ home visit harassment and noted they provoked her blunt response
This pair pointed out they wasted time harassing her instead of solving the issue, and questioned their own cooking skills
What do you think about this story? Share your thoughts in the comments!
