Every bride dreams of a perfect wedding day, but what happens when your dream venue becomes a painful reminder of betrayal for someone you love?
One woman is caught between honoring her daughter’s dream wedding and respecting her sister’s emotional turmoil. The problem? Her sister’s ex-husband, who cheated with a much younger mistress, recently proposed at the exact same beachfront estate where her daughter plans to marry.
With a $20,000 non-refundable deposit on the line and save-the-dates already sent, canceling isn’t an option the bride-to-be wants to consider. But her aunt is begging for a change, saying it’s unbearable to watch her niece tie the knot on “that cursed beach.” The clash has split the family in two, leaving everyone wondering: who’s really being unreasonable?
One mom stood firm on keeping her daughter’s dream wedding venue, despite her sister’s plea to change it after her ex-husband’s scandalous proposal there
Weddings and family betrayals often collide in ways no one can predict. In this case, OP booked her daughter’s dream venue 18 months ago, investing $20,000 non-refundable, only for her sister’s ex-husband to propose to his much younger mistress on the same beachfront.
Now, Carol feels the place is “cursed” and is begging OP to change venues, while OP and her daughter refuse.
At the heart of this conflict are two opposing truths: Carol’s grief is real, and Amy’s wedding is not the appropriate place to resolve it. Research on divorce trauma suggests that betrayal from infidelity can trigger long-lasting emotional responses, sometimes years after the event.
A 2017 study published in the Journal of Divorce & Remarriage found that unresolved betrayal often resurfaces during major life events, particularly when symbols, like locations, become reminders of the loss. Carol’s reaction may feel extreme to outsiders, but psychologically, it fits how trauma can resurface.
Still, therapists emphasize boundaries. Dr. Joshua Coleman, a psychologist who writes extensively on family estrangement, notes: “Compassion doesn’t mean compliance. You can care deeply about a family member’s pain while also holding firm to your own needs and limits.” For OP, this means acknowledging Carol’s anguish without derailing Amy’s long-planned celebration.
Financially and logistically, the request is staggering. Non-refundable deposits are designed to protect venues from last-minute cancellations, and $20,000 is far above the national average wedding deposit of $3,000–$5,000 (The Knot 2023 Wedding Report).
Even with Carol offering to reimburse the deposit, Amy’s reluctance is understandable, changing venues would mean renegotiating vendors, re-sending invitations, and potentially compromising her dream day.
The healthiest path may lie in middle ground. OP can validate Carol’s feelings while firmly stating that the venue will not change.
Practical supports, like helping Carol find a therapist to process her grief, or arranging space for her to step away during the ceremony if needed, show empathy without sacrificing the wedding. Ultimately, attending is Carol’s choice, but sabotaging her niece’s wedding won’t heal her past.
Here’s the feedback from the Reddit community:
These Reddit users argued Carol’s pain, while real, doesn’t trump Amy’s wedding or the $20K deposit
Some commenters urged therapy for Carol, with the former suggesting uninviting her for insulting Amy
One user cited the economy, saying $20K is non-negotiable
While this group questioned Carol’s fixation on her ex after five years
This commenter noted Carol has time to heal before the wedding
OP later updated in the comment section:
In the end, this isn’t just about a venue. It’s about ownership of grief versus ownership of joy. Carol’s heartbreak is valid, but so is Amy’s right to her dream day. Forcing a young bride to rewrite her wedding because of a cheater’s shadow seems less like compassion and more like misplaced punishment.
So, do you think OP was wrong to hold firm on the $20K venue? Or should family pain always trump financial and emotional investment? Drop your take below!
