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Mother’s “Innocent” Comment About A Grandchild Opens A Painful Chapter Her Son Buried

by Marry Anna
October 13, 2025
in Social Issues

Some secrets from the past have a way of resurfacing at the most unexpected times. For families, that can sometimes lead to emotional confrontations that no one saw coming.

One mother thought she was just sharing a heartfelt memory while talking to her pregnant daughter-in-law, only to discover her son had kept a painful chapter of his life hidden.

What started as an innocent conversation about the baby turned into a heated argument about privacy, grief, and whether some truths are better left unsaid.

Now, the internet is weighing in on whether she was right to be honest, or wrong to share what wasn’t hers to tell.

Mother’s “Innocent” Comment About A Grandchild Opens A Painful Chapter Her Son Buried
Not the actual photo

'AITA for telling my DIL about my son's past?'

I’m new to Reddit, so sorry if this is not proper. I49f have a 27-year-old son, Jason. Jason is married to his wife, Amelia, 26.

They’ve been married for about 7 months, together for 2 years.

Amelia is pregnant, and we were just talking about the baby, and I had said this is technically Jason’s 2nd child. She was very confused and asked me what I...

When Jason was 18, he had a girlfriend, Jenna, and he was with her for about a year. She got pregnant.

I love my son, but he wasn’t much of a father (I saw my grandson more than Jason did) and broke up with the girl shortly after the baby was...

When his son was 2, a drunk driver hit Jenna and my grandson. Jenna is handicapped and is being taken care of in a home, but my grandson didn’t make...

Amelia was shocked when she heard this, and I showed her the plants I planted for him in my garden.

I thought Jason would have told her, but I was shocked he didn't. Amelia wanted to visit Jenna in her home and his son's grave.

Jason called me later that night, fuming and cursing, saying I had no right to tell her about any of that, and was angry that she wanted to go meet...

I told him it was his wife, and she deserves to know. He called me an AH and said that it was almost 9 years ago and didn’t need to...

This broke my heart. I don't think I am the AH, I assumed she already knew, and she deserves to know.

That flash of revelation,  exposing a hidden past, often feels heroic until the emotional fallout begins.

The mother-in-law, though motivated by openness and familial loyalty, bypassed her son’s autonomy. The clash is between disclosure ethics and relational agency.

This touches on a broader social issue, family secrets and selective disclosure.

In family-psychology research, Anita Vangelisti and John Caughlin found that decisions to reveal secrets are influenced not only by the topic intimacy but also by the function of the secret and the relationship quality with the disclosure target.

In other words, people weigh emotional risk, relational closeness, and purpose when deciding to share or conceal sensitive information.

In a related vein, the concept of selective disclosure (rather than total silence) offers a nuanced approach: families may choose when, how, and to whom to share traumatic information.

In qualitative family-therapy research, Peter Rober and colleagues argued that selective disclosure lets families balance openness with emotional safety.

While I couldn’t locate a published quote by Dr. DiDonato on secrets, her work in relationship science indicates deep attention to how self-disclosure, authenticity, and boundaries inform trust.

To address the situation, the son and daughter-in-law should establish a calm environment, possibly with professional mediation, to openly express emotions, share perspectives, and work toward rebuilding trust.

The mother-in-law should recognize her breach of process, even if unintentional, offer a sincere apology, and give the couple autonomy over future steps.

The daughter-in-law should have the freedom to choose whether to engage, such as visiting the grave or meeting Jenna, without any pressure.

Over time, the couple can collaboratively decide which personal histories to share and when, creating a mutual understanding for handling sensitive disclosures.

Here’s the feedback from the Reddit community:

These Redditors rallied behind the mother, insisting she wasn’t wrong for mentioning her late grandchild.

[Reddit User] − NTA, you had no idea that she wasn’t aware. Your little grandson should not be forgotten, and his memory should be kept alive

[Reddit User] − NTA. A reasonable assumption on your part that your son would have shared such a major event in his life with his wife.
The people saying it was his right to tell her also dismiss the fact that she lost a grandchild and has a right to share that. Your son is an...

Humble_C3l3ry − NTA. It sounds like you had genuinely no idea that DIL wasn't aware.

He's overreacted, which I sincerely hope is simply a reaction to something really upsetting.

But, like you, I have no idea how your son could have not mentioned this to his wife.

Losing a kid is an awful thing to have happened, and you've kept your grandchild's memory alive when dad won't.

mojojojo2842 − NTA. You naturally assumed that something this important had already been communicated to Amelia and mentioned it in passing.

The fact that Jason hid his role as an absentee father from her is a major red flag, and I am sure that Amelia is incredibly thankful.

FoolMe1nceShameOnU − NTA. And frankly, while I can maybe understand those who said that your son should have been the one to tell her, which OF COURSE would have been...

I'm appalled by those suggesting that it would have been up to him if he had chosen NEVER to share this information with her.

First and foremost, you are not an AH. You clearly did not set out with any malicious intent or to break any confidences.

You didn't know that the death of your first grandchild and what happened to his mother was meant to be a secret.

And it sounds like it never occurred to you (understandably) that your son would have kept such a significant aspect of his life from his wife, his life partner, and...

While we caution against assumptions, this was not an unfair one to make, and you clearly had only well-meaning intentions when you mentioned this to her.

She is your family now as well, and you were sharing another part of the family story, sharing the memory of one grandchild with the mother of what will be...

And I'd say N-A-H, because Jason is entitled to struggle with such a painful part of his past, EXCEPT, he berated you not for being the one to tell her,...

After all, it "happened 9 years ago". I'm not sure if he's in denial or is coldly indifferent, but neither is healthy.

And while it's true that he deserves some leeway to grieve in his own way, his wife and the mother of his child ABSOLUTELY HAS A RIGHT TO KNOW HOW...

After all, in a worst-case scenario, that could be how he handles an accident happening to her and her child someday.

She deserves to know and understand that side of him. You are NTA for not letting him hide that from her.

SkyReveal6 − NTA, how would you have known he would keep your grandson a secret? This was your grandson, and you acknowledged his existence. He’s the AH.

katietired − NTA. Going against the grain, but telling his wife about your grandchild is your right.

A second group echoed empathy for both sides, believing her intentions were kind but her method flawed.

Tall_Definition_968 − I don't think many people in Jenna's position would want to meet her ex's pregnant wife. I think she should be left out of this.

xiategative − I say NTA because you had no idea she didn’t know.

I think it’s something I would definitely like to know about my partner’s past and something I’d share if it were my past, but I feel like it’s not your...

It was his information to share. Whether you agree or disagree, it was his choice to make.

Then came the critics, who believed the mother’s actions came from lingering resentment rather than pure emotion.

strywever − Unlike many others, I don’t believe that you sincerely thought he’d told her he’d had another child while also thinking you needed to inform her that her child...

Your mention that he “wasn’t much of a father” was irrelevant and unnecessary, and it seems you may harbor some related resentment toward him.

I think you thought it was possible he hadn’t told her, and you decided to make sure she knew because of that resentment as much as anything.

You should have discussed your concerns with him privately. YTA.

Girlandadragon − Lady, YTA. 1. How do you just get to “this is his second baby”? I suspect some verbal maneuvering.

2. When you realized she didn’t know, you should have said, “I’m sorry, but this is Jason’s story to tell.” Then your son could have an opportunity to tell HIS...

3. You didn’t call to warn him that you’d dropped a f__king bomb into his life. That’s a pure AH move! I’m sure your son has plenty of regrets from...

I get that you disapprove of his actions, then, how much time he spent with his son, how he treated the mother of his child, you intimate as much in...

But, you took it upon yourself to tell your son’s partner about his past, a painful and tragic piece of it, from your POV, not his.

And before he was ready to share it. You are not the main character here; stop acting like it.

semmama − NTA. That's something that you'd expect to come up much earlier in their relationship and definitely before they decided on children.

You had no way of knowing he hadn't already talked about his son to her

Some Redditors focused on accountability and healing, arguing that hiding a tragedy only deepens emotional distance.

ATXRedhead420 − NTA, she needed to know.

OrangeCubit − NTA, people need to give family fair warning when they are living lies.

Of course, your first grandson will come up in conversation, and of course, you will talk about him.

awkward-name12345 − Info: How did it come up, and why did you say, well, technically this is his 2nd son?

I guess my question really comes down to when you said, actually, this is his second child, were you A) correcting her because your grandson has the right to be...

Some truths buried under time eventually resurface, no matter how carefully they’re hidden.

Families often walk that delicate line between transparency and protection, so what’s the right call here?

Was this an act of compassion or a betrayal wrapped in good intentions? Share your thoughts below!

Marry Anna

Marry Anna

Hello, lovely readers! I’m Marry Anna, a writer at Dailyhighlight.com. As a woman over 30, I bring my curiosity and a background in Creative Writing to every piece I create. My mission is to spark joy and thought through stories, whether I’m covering quirky food trends, diving into self-care routines, or unpacking the beauty of human connections. From articles on sustainable living to heartfelt takes on modern relationships, I love adding a warm, relatable voice to my work. Outside of writing, I’m probably hunting for vintage treasures, enjoying a glass of red wine, or hiking with my dog under the open sky.

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