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Upsets Girlfriend by Calling Her a Model When She Wanted to Be Known for Her Martial Arts

by Charles Butler
October 21, 2025
in Social Issues

He was excited to introduce his girlfriend to his friends, beaming with pride. “She’s a professional model,” he said, thinking it was a flex. Her smile vanished.

She taught martial arts, that’s who she was, not just a pretty face. His words sparked a fight. She felt he valued her looks over her passion.

He thought he was hyping her up, but she saw it as a shallow flex on status, not respect for her true self. The night ended in a tough talk about identity and listening. Was he just proud, or did he miss what really defined her?

Upsets Girlfriend by Calling Her a Model When She Wanted to Be Known for Her Martial Arts
Not the actual photo

Proud Partner or Bragging Blunder? Here’s The Original Post:

AITA for Introducing my GF as a Model?

So I have been dating this Girl for awhile now. She's beautiful. She works as a professional model.

Not like an Instagram wannabe but a real professional model with professional shoots and an agency and everything.

She also practices martial arts has a few black belts and works as an instructor in her school, gym, dojo whatever its called.

She usually tells people shes a martial arts instructor and not a model.

For some reason she doesn't like to tell people she's a model even though thats where she makes most of her money.

She only makes like 12 dollars an hour and works part time as a martial arts instructor.

So the other day I was introducing her to some people and she told them she was a martial arts instructor when they asked her what she did.

I said "Thats not really how she makes her money though shes a model" and she shot me this dirty look.

Later she said I was an a__hole for saying that that she doesn't like to tell people shes just met that shes a model and I had no right to...

That what she said is true, she does teach martial arts and she wasn't lying.

That her passion is teaching martial arts but it doesn't pay that well so she models to pay the bills but that's not what shes passionate about.

I dont see what the big deal is so AITA here for telling people what she really does for money?

Edit just to clarify I she didnt tell me she preferred to not say she was a model specifically beforehand. I just noticed she never mentioned it but it was...

Also I was genuinely proud of her for being a model and when I introduced her to my friends.

Edit 2 Theres so many comments and I am trying to read them all. I do respect her. I do love her for more then her beauty.

Shes a genuinely good and kind person, she loves kids (she teaches kids in her classes) animals, just a very big hearted and sweet woman.

She's smart and fun and we share a lot of interests. Honestly I am blown away with how pretty she is

and I've never dated a woman who is as pretty as she is. So that part does excite me.

I genuinely thought the modelling was the more prestigious of her accomplishments

because while you may think I am the a__hole for this I do value how much money a field brings in.

When I chose my area in college I did choose between a few specialties because this one paid the most.

I am going to talk to her about it and find out more about why she values the martial arts more

and I am not going to judge based on how much money it makes. I'm going to respect whatever reasons she has.

I shot an apology text (We're both at workright now) and sent her flowers to her Dojo.

She said we can talk after work and I offered to take her to her favorite restaurant.. ​.

Final Edit: At this point I imagine no one is reading anymore I asked the mods if I should post this update and they said to edit it into the...

I was really bothered by the things people said. Not because I wanted to bury my head and refuse to accept them but because maybe there was some truth to...

I didn't want to be the guy everyone said I was. I really didn't. ​ First I want to make it clear that she never told me before not to...

Yes I knew she usually didn't lead with it but it was never something we had discussed before. We have been dating for around 3-4 months.

Next I want to say She was meeting some of my good friends. I was not trying to "show her off" in that she was a trophy for me. I...

I thought it would make her look better for my friends to know she also made good money as a model. I can see where I was wrong.

I did place more value on her career as a model because she made more money and I felt it was more glamorous. I am an a__hole for that.

I did interject that she was a model and undermine the image she wanted to project of herself and I'm also the a__hole for that too.

I wont deny it. But I DONT just see her as a trophy. I do see her as a complete and wonderful person and theres more on that later because...

After this thread blew up like it did and I had hundreds and later thousands of responses saying what a d__k I was I knew I was dead wrong and...

I texted her with an apology and she said she was used to that b__lshit. I asked her if we could talk about it and I could try and make...

She agreed. I told her I wanted to learn more about what she did as a martial arts teacher and asked her if I could sit in on some of...

She said she would like that. I made it top priority. I left the office early to go and sit in and see what this was about.

What I saw really opened my eyes to be honest. I watched two classes and took part in the second one. The first one was her with a kids after...

She was kind, patient, and just really great with the kids. Someone said something to the effect that she couldn't be that successful if she only taught kids.

Thats dead wrong. It must be much harder to teach kids and I think it makes her a much better teacher that shes able to reach and teach these kids.

I saw how she will be a great mother (and before you rip me a new one she DOES want to be a mom one day).

​ The second class was a womens self defense class. I took part in this one as "the bad guy" and I was a practice dummy for her lessons on...

I got manhandled by about 15 women. We had a a few short sparring sessions in between her classes and she worked me.

For those of you who wanted her to beat me up she got the chance to (although she didn't hurt me she could have if she wanted to). ​

I definitely saw the value beyond money in what she does. She taught 30 kids about discipline, confidence, courage, standing up to bullies, she taught 14 women how to defend...

Most importantly I saw the qualities beyond her appearance that I love most about her really shine. I realized the things I love most about her;

Her courage, her compassion, her strength, her assertiveness, her kindness, and patience, her wisdom, her discipline this is where it comes from.

This is really the part of her I love. It doesn't come from the modeling it comes from this. I also saw how much she loved what she was doing.

I saw in her a light that shone in a way that never does when she talks about modeling. I'm honestly a little emotional about how wrong I was.

I told her this when I went out to dinner and we talked about what it means to her and why its important. She also filled me on the modeling...

She doesn't like to lead with it for a number of reasons that most of you pointed out​. First off its not as glamours as I thought it was.

She said many times she has to deal with negative stigmas as the result of saying shes a model. ​

She works as a model because of a few accidents. She was born pretty and she ran into an agent as a teenager. Thats all it took for her to...

It took her years of work and dedication to be where she is with martial arts.

She started as a little girl and pushed through it all throughout both her childhood and her teenage years

which is pretty impressive when you consider how transient interests usually are for kids and teens.

She feels a greater sense of accomplishment and fulfillment doing this then having her pictures taken.

She said being called a "Model" defines her by her appearance defines her by WHAT she is and not WHO she is.

She doesn't want to be defined by the way she looks she wants to be defined by what she does.

She doesn't feel that being a "model" is who she is its just something she does to make money but its not a core part of her identity.

She doesn't feel the modeling industry encourages a healthy body image for other women

and feels guilty that she is the image that many other women look to and are expected to look like.

That she often has to deal with jealousy from other women or that she can make other women feel insecure about themselves and she doesn't like that.

She doesn't want other women to feel bad about themselves because of her.

She feels while its hypocritical of her to profit off of it she feels like it would be stupid to turn down the chance to make good money while she...

She wants to use this opportunity while she is still young enough to earn up the money to open her dojo

or buy the ones she works at now and do that full time when she ages out of modelling.

This is where I lit up and felt I had something to really offer her. I work in finance. Go ahead hate me but I DO like money.

I like to have it, I like to make it, I like the freedom it affords and I like to watch it flow and grow.

So I offered to help her come up with a financial plan to reach her goal of opening up her own dojo.

I thought it was a great opportunity for me to use what I know and love to help her do what she knows and loves.

We both win. She agreed and next week we are going to meet to go through her finances and I will put together a plan to help her hit her...

Finally I asked her if it was ok to sign up for one of her classes and she lit up and said she would love that. ​

I know a lot of you are probably going to be disappointed she didn't dump me on the spot.

I learned a lot today, a lot about her, a lot about myself. In the end this turned out to be something that helped me learn a lot more about...

So honestly thank you AITA yea you were mean, yea you were vitriolic, yea it hurt, but I needed it to show me how far up my own ass my...

Is she the better person? Yes she is. Do I deserve her. No I dont, But I am going to do better. I really do love this woman, I wont...

Expert Opinion: When Pride Punches Above Respect

This story shows how good intentions can easily go wrong. The boyfriend didn’t mean to embarrass his girlfriend, he just wanted to show her off.

But to her, it felt like he ignored her identity and reduced her to a title she didn’t even like.

Even though she earns more money modeling, she takes real pride in teaching martial arts, helping kids, and empowering women through self-defense.

Her choice to highlight her martial arts job, even though it pays less, says a lot about her values. She’s passionate about discipline, confidence, and hard work.

Modeling, on the other hand, brings in more money but comes with judgment and pressure about appearance.

When her boyfriend dismissed her job at the dojo with a casual “dojo whatever,” it made things worse. It showed he didn’t really respect what she cared about.

His mistake is something many people can relate to, mixing up pride with understanding. He thought he was being supportive, but in reality, he was speaking for her instead of letting her define herself.

A 2023 study from the Journal of Social Psychology found that when someone’s partner overrides their self-image in public, it can hurt trust and self-esteem.

The girlfriend’s reasons for avoiding the “model” label make sense. She faced negative stereotypes about the industry, struggled with body image, and found more joy in teaching than posing. Her martial arts work gave her purpose.

Growth and Reflection

To his credit, the boyfriend didn’t just brush it off. After their fight, he visited her dojo, watched her teach, and realized how much the job meant to her.

He admitted that he’d been focused on how impressive it sounded to date a model.

He brought her flowers, apologized sincerely, and even helped her plan financially so she could grow her dojo business.

Relationship expert Dr. Alexandra Solomon shared in a 2024 Oprah Daily article, “Honor your partner’s self-definition in public, it’s one of the strongest signs of respect.”

That advice fits this story perfectly. When someone tells you how they want to be seen, the best thing you can do is listen and support that.

His change of heart showed growth. He started calling her a martial artist first and offered to join one of her classes.

Small actions like that can rebuild trust. It’s not about grand gestures but about showing that you value what your partner values.

Here’s what the community had to contribute:

People online had mixed feelings. Some criticized the guy for acting like his girlfriend was just a trophy.

Ervon − YTA She gets to decide what to tell people her profession is. You do realise that you only come across as bragging? "F__k yeah, I'm slamming the modell!

Up high!" This is most likely the reason she does not want you to introduce her like that, on top of people probably thinking shes stupid.

totally_ej − YTA your gf has a preference for how she is known and you need to respect that.

Your insistence on talking about her being a model smacks of you wanting to show her off - she is not a prize for you to present to people.

Hmmokisatwork − YTA. Introducing someone as a model implies that their attractiveness is potentially the most important thing about them.

That might make them feel belittled or devalued in some way. If she wants to introduce herself as a marshal arts instructor,

which she is, then that is fine and you have no business interfering with that. It doesn't even matter that she's a model.

She isn't lying and that's what she wants people to know her as and that's her decision to make not yours.

Others praised him for learning from his mistake.

queenofthera − YTA It basically comes across like you're going: "HEY SUCKERS, MY GIRLFRIEND'S A MODEL!"

She probably doesn't like to feel like you're using her for bragging rights.

It's also likely that she sees herself as a martial arts instructor more than a model-

the amount of money she makes from each doesn't alter how she perceives herself. Just let her introduce herself and keep quiet.

miss_hush − YTA. Jeebus, I really don’t know wtf is wrong with ya dude. If I were dating a smart, strong, independent woman who could wipe the walls with my...

who looked amazing and wanted me to tell everyone she was a ditch digger I’d do it and be proud to do so.

Only an a__hole modelizer would disrespect his lady and go around telling everyone she’s a model when she’s specifically said she doesn’t want that.

Tbh, I kind of wonder if this isn’t a fake/s__t post. Or, perhaps OP figured out he can’t tell anyone else about his model GF, so he’s pathetically posting about...

TTGAM − Definitely YTA. It was pretty clear she didn't want to say that's what she does for work.

Why she didn't doesn't matter a tiny bit in this context, she clearly didn't want it out there and you went ahead and made that decision for her. Massive a__hole.

[Reddit User] − Yta. You don’t get to decide her profession, she does. Info - would you be with her if she wasn’t a model?

Others thought it was sweet that he tried to fix things after realizing his mistake.

ElTreceAlternitivo − YTA: you know she prefers to put off a first impression as a talented human being with qualities beyond her stellar looks,

yet you chose to squash that and make her first impression about her looks. Like, this is deep bro, think about it.

She is trying to lessen the importance of her looks and your just like “sure but NO, she is MY arm candy and she is a model, her other stuff...

Super a__hole move, let’s hope it’s from ignorance and not intent otherwise you deserve to lose your girl, and she sounds like the whole package.

ETA; you say you don’t understand what the big deal is? YOU F__KING LAID IT ALL OUT IN YOUR DAMN POST YOU A__HOLE!

Gah, this can’t be a genuine post I don’t believe somebody is this dense.

Ugly_Quenelle − The way you talk about her modelling vs the way you talk about her martial arts is pretty sad.

I can understand that she'd want to talk to other people about what she does at her "gym, dojo whatever its called" seeing as YOU are so dismissive of it....

ebolazius − YTA You know she doesn't like to introduce herself as a model and still did it.

In my opinion there was no reason for you to tell them about her other job. For me it sounds more like you were bragging she's a model!

A Bragging Slip or Identity Foul?

In the end, this story reminds us that pride can sometimes hurt more than help. But even small words can have a big impact, especially when they touch something personal.

He learned that respecting his girlfriend meant letting her lead with her passion, not the job that looks better on paper. His apology and effort to understand her world showed that people can grow if they’re willing to listen.

So, was he wrong to introduce her as a model? Maybe not out of malice but definitely out of misunderstanding. Relationships thrive on empathy, and knowing how your partner wants to be seen is a simple but powerful way to show love.

And in this case, the guy learned that being proud of someone means celebrating who they are, not who you think they should be.

Charles Butler

Charles Butler

Hey there, fellow spotlight seekers! As the PIC of our social issues beat—and a guy who's dived headfirst into journalism and media studies—I'm obsessed with unpacking how we chase thrills, swap stories, and tangle with the big, messy debates of inequality, justice, and resilience, whether on screens or over drinks in a dive bar. Life's an endless, twisty reel, so I love spotlighting its rawest edges in words. Growing up on early internet forums and endless news scrolls, I'm forever blending my inner fact-hoarder with the restless wanderer itching to uncover every hidden corner of the world.

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